Yes, I'm a feminist

I recently decided that I needed to add "feminist" to my Twitter Bio.

I had been thinking about it anyway, because feminism is important and I am becoming more aware of its importance all the time. However, it also seemed a little like having delusions of grandeur. I mean, I haven't really done anything for the cause, and I don't feel like I know enough about the history. Could I take that title upon myself and deserve it?

It was a simple Twitter exchange that tipped the scales. Someone tweeted the question of whether it's possible to rape a prostitute. I felt a flare of anger go up and replied, "Yes. She still has the right of refusal." He replied, "Could you ask for your money back at that point? I'm thinking of the case of Aileen Wuornos accusing her victims of rape."

Okay, he got a flurry of replies from me at this point. First of all, being completely practical, my understanding (and I am out of my depths here, I know) is that the money is put somewhere in plain sight before, but that she would not collect until later.

To be fair, we were thinking of different things. I don't think he was a bad guy, or would abuse a prostitute. He was thinking of paying someone and then not getting the (illegal) services rendered; I was thinking of her outright refusing the job.

It can go beyond that though. She might agree to one act, but not a beating that follows, so there is still an assault. She might agree to one act and he might force a different one. That would be a rape, but even if she went to the police, the odds of any successful prosecution even being started, let alone winning the case, is next to zero. You are more likely to see a case like this:

http://www.slate.com/blogs/the_slatest/2013/06/06/ezekiel_gilbert_texas_man_acquited_of_murdering_craigslist_escort_who_wouldn.html

I was feeling angry that people could be so marginalized that they could end up in positions where there really was no protection for them. But wait, is that not the logical result of them choosing an illegal and immoral lifestyle? I have two thoughts on that.

One thing that I wanted to say is that with Wuornos it is kind of a different case because she may have had some PTSD going on (or she could have been a liar), but actually, that's not different. Most people with stable lives don't just decide to start selling themselves on the street. They tend to be survivors of rape and incest. Maybe they have been groomed from a very young age. It is common for them to start as minors. There may be a lot of PTSD that just doesn't result in homicide. That's something worth remembering about the "victimless" crime, so I was feeling some anger about that too.

The other thought is that you do not have to be at this level of marginalization to have a hard time getting justice. College students, soldiers, wives, teenagers, and all sorts of women are put on the defensive when they get raped:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/soraya-chemaly/50-facts-rape_b_2019338.html

More and more I see that we have issues where empowerment is the answer, and that in terms of asking the right questions and making the right points, feminism is key. Unfortunately, that term has very negative connotations, where many women who at least seem to believe in aspects of feminism shy away from the word. There's nothing wrong with the word. Feminism is completely valid, and my qualification for calling myself a feminist is that I'm willing to.

It may frighten some people off, or make some people more likely to disregard what I say, but those are the attitudes I want to counter. The real value may be if people who already know me as an intelligent and good person see that, and think about it, but I will clarify my stance here.

I don't hate men. I am not anti-marriage, anti-family, or anti-housewife. I always expected to have a husband and children, and that didn't happen, but I am not bitter about that or motivated toward feminism because of that.

I do believe that women and men should hold equal positions in society and in the workplace, and that they do not, and I believe that those inequities are so firmly entrenched and habitual that it is easy not to notice them.

While I am not similarly affected by racism, I am equally against it, and opponents of progress do try and re-frame the terms of the argument there too. However, there is not (that I am aware of) a term for fighting racial inequality that is equivalent to feminism in terms of stigma.

And I am aware that men get raped and abused and get eating disorders too, and I do care about that, but I believe as we fight the mindset that creates sexism, it will help with the attitudes that contribute to other types of abuse and discrimination. Again, it specifically bugs me how much people get this one word wrong, and if you do want to fight injustice, you can't let the unjust control the vocabulary.

Once the decision was made, it seemed like adding one word to a profile would be a simple enough task. That didn't go as I thought it would, which I'll cover tomorrow.