Band Review: Freakhouse

I know about Freakhouse because they followed me on Twitter.

My first impression was that they reminded me of an 80’s hair band – not through their hair styles, but with the sound. And that’s not a pejorative, because I’m into that, but it didn’t sound exactly accurate either. Other thoughts that came through my head were Iron Maiden and Slade, neither of which I would categorize as a hair band, and Slade isn’t really even 80’s.

I guess that means their music is built on a solid foundation of classic rock, with its varied history and aspects, but the vocals are often doing that growling thing which I associate with more contemporary bands.

Honestly it would be a mistake to try to hard to confine Freakhouse to a specific genre, because they cover some interesting ground. Yes, there are the more traditional songs, leaning mostly towards hard rock. However, then you find “My Brain Is Bigger Than Yours”, which granted was mixed by Lazy Rich, so there is another influence there, but it is pretty straight techno funk. “Motion Sickness” is a psychological experiment more than a song, and “Tommy’s Revenge” and “Palindromes” are gentle and melodic, with an emphasis on piano. Also, they do a cover of Radiohead’s “Creep” that is totally distinctive, with interesting rhythms and subtextures.

I think this broad scope is a good explanation for their popularity on soundtracks. Looking at Spotify specifically, they don’t have many albums, but they are featured on multiple soundtracks, and that makes total sense, both for the breadth of their ability and their ability to create mood.

Personal favorites for me are “Plowed”, which just rocks, as well as “Dream” and “No Way Down”.

Music is available for purchase via Amazon.

https://twitter.com/Freakhouse1

https://www.youtube.com/user/freakhouse

https://www.facebook.com/freakhouse1?fref=ts

http://freakhouse.fanbridge.com/

Band Review: Move Out West

Move Out West is another band that came to my attention when they followed me on Twitter, and I have mixed feelings about them.

Some of the subject matter seems a little tawdry (sex and drugs, lots of coke in “Magic Eight-Ball”), and I concerned that it is gratuitous. It may not be though. One thing is that they are a young band, so at this point any topic that comes up in a song seems prevalent. Honestly, it could all be explained by one horrific ex-girlfriend.

That aspect leaves me hesitant to fully embrace them, but, again, it’s too early for them to be defined by anything yet, and hey, it’s nothing worse than Third Eye Blind, and I like them.

I do want to keep checking them out for the musical quality. There is a real yearning in their songs, and I can connect to that aching. They know your troubles; they’ve felt like that too. They are good at building drama within a song (actually, the way the songs build in general), making effective use of voices and instruments. I really like what the guitars are doing on “Sink With You”, and I like their general tempo.

So, I’m curious as to where they’re going, and whom they’re going to be, but I think it’s worth keeping an ear on them. Music is available through iTunes.

https://twitter.com/MoveOutWest

https://www.facebook.com/MoveOutWest?fref=ts

https://www.youtube.com/user/moveoutwest

Once more into the breach

Going back to Kind-Hearted Woman, it was not long after noticing Robin’s evolving ability to make eye contact that I noticed that I cannot make eye contact when talking about that thing that happened when I was 14.

It was easy not to notice, because I never talked about it. Lately though, everything is just coming back, and I did talk to a friend about it, and I could not look her in the eye when I did it. We love each other, and share all kinds of things with each other. Intellectually I know that it was not my fault, and I would not blame anyone else it happened to, but I still feel such shame about it, more than twenty-five years later.

I have gotten a lot more open since I started writing this blog, and better about a lot of things, but that one is still hard. Also, with the driving thing, talking about that, I don’t exactly start hyperventilating, but the top of my throat tightens, and my chest. I have physical reactions, and everything is coming back.

It is about a year now since I was in a different round of self-examination and reflection. Blog-wise, the posts were about June 9^th through 24^th, though the thinking had started earlier than that. I remember realizing that my relationship with my father had a lot to do with my lack of relationships with men, and thinking that even if I got better, that door was probably still pretty much closed, based on my age.

At the same time, it still felt like something was going to need to happen and change. I thought it would be getting over my fear of driving, but I sort of knew that it would have to wait. I was working on the comic book script, and while at the time I was still in some denial about how long it was going to get, I knew it was significant and that it would be time consuming. Right after I finished the writing, I had the big Follow Friday.

I just remember thinking that Friday Follows were ridiculous, and in the next instance thinking, no, I should do this. That was the day Lisa sent out Friday Follows for everyone.I don’t think she has ever done that again, but that day I added eighty people, many of whom added me. That just kept growing.

Even in the early stages, I remember being caught off guard by how rough it was to be a teenager. I mean, I lived it, but it’s been a while. Hormones and bodily changes send your emotions out all over the place, while you are trying to become more mature, which often involves shame for the times you opt for the wrong level of maturity, and you have not lived long enough to have that perspective that shows you that things work out on a regular basis, and your responsibilities seem to be growing faster than your abilities, not to mention the horrific social aspects and the amount of people who deal with their own stresses by being mean to others, all of which has pressure added by the little understood notion that this is supposed to be the best time of your life. No, it’s not.

So my first response was sympathy, and a desire to be encouraging, because I’m pretty sure the first thing people think of when they think of me is “relentlessly cheerful”. Then more serious issues started coming up, and I still wanted to help, but I felt more inadequate. I started wanting to learn more, and I started thinking about people I could ask or books I could read.

Without really getting very far with that, the next phase was to find things hitting really close to home. Okay, there are things I haven’t done, but I keep finding so many of the same emotions and experiences and fears.

This did not help my concerns about inadequacy. I have been able to successfully complete college, hold down jobs, and have friendships. I’m usually pretty happy, and I use my creativity and I have done a lot of cool things, but there are also things that I simply haven’t healed from. For the ones who worry that no one will ever love them, yeah, sometimes that comes true, and it’s not the end of the world, but that’s not always comforting.

And this is what I was getting at in “Badly Drawn Girl”. I had made peace with having a hole in my life, or at least I thought I did, but I could not accept that they might have to walk around incomplete. It’s not good enough for them. So maybe it’s not good enough for me. Or maybe it just means that they can’t procrastinate working on these things, but they are young enough they can still manage it all. But I still think the guitar as a symbol of love works out, and I have the guitar. I so do not know.

Last year, music in general led to me looking at the music industry, and how it was bad for girls, as was society, and maybe that influenced some of the self-examination that I did. What comes to mind to me now, though, is how many times as I was writing I would worry about teens, and it seemed odd because I was not in contact with any, and they do not read my blog, but that thought was still present. Now they are here in a way that I could not have predicted, but that has grown very organically, and seems to be the right path for now.

I was talking to a friend about this, and she reminded me, with great kindness, that I don’t have to heal the world. I know that. I also know that I can’t. However, I am ready for the next phase in my own healing. It is easier to care about because it is for them, but it’s for me too. There was always going to be another period of self-examination and evaluation, because that’s just how I roll, but it’s still kind of amazing how it turns out sometimes.

The key point to all of this is that if, as many times as I am frustrated by myself, and the slow pace of my goals and improvements, I can still see that there is definitely something being built. The progression is logical in retrospect, even if not predictable in advance. So, I have to feel confident in the process. These things are going to work out, and whatever twists and turns I take, I will emerge safely on the other side. If I get a little sentimental over it, well, that explains what I’ll be posting next week.

That’s if I post next week. I am leaving for the airport and will be out of the country for a week. I hope to be able to track down an internet connection once a day and post, but I may not be able to. It’s not as relaxing I would want, but it’s still a change, and that’s good because my brain is fried and I am worn down. I hope to shake off this funk, because I have a lot to do when I get back.

Kind-hearted women

I have been really impressed with the PBS Independent Lens series:

http://www.pbs.org/independentlens/tv-schedule/

The first installment I saw was Kind-Hearted Woman, which followed a woman recently out of treatment for alcoholism as she tried to put her life back together. There was a family history of alcoholism which led her to foster care, where she was abused, and to her marrying a man who abused her physically and verbally, and abused her daughter and her cousin sexually. Also, her last boyfriend before rehab had been abusive.

Those are some tough patterns to break out of, as deeply rooted as they were, but the thing that struck me most was this progression in Robin, where at the beginning, even though she had already gained some strength in completing rehab, and she was working hard to do what she needed to do, she wasn’t making eye contact, and there was this depressed aspect to her. It’s not just that she was sad, but it was like she was being held down. And then, later, that changed, and she could look at you, and she could look at herself, and she was brighter and happier.

I don’t think it was a coincidence that she ended up working with abuse education and prevention programs. It’s not a coincidence that she was drawn to them, and not a coincidence that as she kept sharing her story it lost its power over her.

When I started expanding my Twitter contacts, one thing that impressed me was how passionate so many of them could be about helping others, even when their own world was collapsing. They will keep their cuts covered so they don’t trigger anyone else, and they will work hard to talk other people out of suicide, even though they really want to die. I was impressed with that, and then I realized, Dang it! They’re overfunctioning. I know this one.

There are a lot of reasons for this. Partly, starting out with the emotional wound of shame, I try and justify my existence by helping others. It’s easier to find them more deserving of my time than myself. And, it is easier to manage their problems than my own. I don’t have to scrutinize myself to help them, which is the most painful thing, and surely their problems are easier to solve, because they are better than me. That is the super-messed up part.

Also, one part of becoming well-acquainted with pain is knowing that I don’t want this for anyone else, and so I have a strong desire to fix it for others. This is also messed up, but not as obviously, because while the sentiments is nice, we ultimately need that pain.

One thing Robin said at one point was that she didn’t wish away any of her experiences, because they made her the person that she was. I haven’t perfectly arrived yet, but I like myself, and I like my life, and a lot of that has come through hardship. There are things that I should have done differently, and I wish I had, but I don’t know what it would have changed. I only have now to work with, and that’s okay.

Looking at these kind-hearted women, there is good and bad. Their ability to look outside of the self, and to care about others no matter how much they are hurting, is beautiful, and a big part of the reason that we are on earth, and it will give them a reason to cling to life when their own desire to live is not enough.

There needs to be self love too. They need to see that the beauty and value that they see outside in others is inside too. It’s hard. There was a time when hearing physical compliments was physically painful for me, and nothing felt more dangerous than having hope about something, because disappointed hope hurts a lot. It’s the risk of new pain when you are barely managing the old pain.

The most insidious thing seems to be the secrecy. Most of these accounts are secret ones, where they have others with their names, and where they connect to the people they know in real life, and they present the façade.

I didn’t let people know what was going on with me either. I did not know that one friend was anorexic, and that another was cutting, until much later. I did know that she was drinking too much, but there were reasons for that I would never have guessed. None of us knew that one really funny guy was severely depressed. Social networking has not changed all of the hiding of the inner life at school; it just gives a place for anonymous sharing.

The problem is that I am more and more convinced that sharing is what is needed. Yes, there are good reasons not to be open. There are people who will mock and torment and exploit, and so we protect ourselves, but the downside of that is we don’t learn how normal we are. We think there’s something horribly wrong with us. Worse than that, because we won’t let anyone know, we get cut off in other ways, not being able to eat around others, or go swimming because you are hiding cuts, and there are always secrets in the way, and we are as sick as our secrets.

But then, as we reach out to help others, we get the chance to learn these things, and to help ourselves too. Someone needs to be reaching back, but it’s our big chance.

Reasons not to follow me on Twitter

I recently lost a follower on Twitter. That number goes up and down all the time, and there are apps that let you track it, but I haven’t installed any, and I don’t want to be neurotic about it.

However, she wrote a note that made me think. Also, I recently gained two followers whom I admire, and before I alienate them, I want to clear the air. The reason she unfollowed me, and it was completely understandable and I am grateful that she took the time to tell me, is the suicide retweets.

Actually, there are two things that I retweet. One says that each retweet that they get will be one day without cutting. The other is some variant of showing that you would care if the original tweeter committed suicide. I do retweet those. I’m kind of scared not to. I have retweeted some to show that I think someone is beautiful too, though some I have just replied to with compliments.

The thing is, it’s very hard to know how to help depressed young people. I will write more about that over the next two days, but for now, that’s something I do, and it may be a reason not to follow me on Twitter.

It was kind of surprising that it came up at all, because I had felt like no one was seeing my tweets. I would post things that I thought were funny or interesting, and nothing. When I replied to people, though, or tweeted specifically to them, then they noticed. It felt like my Twitter role was more of a supportive one, and that’s okay. I’m good at that.

In some ways, I feel like maybe the reason I am taking up bass is that I am functioning in more of a supportive position, and not due to my unusually good sense of rhythm for a middle-aged suburbanite.

Of course, Kris did see that, and there are a few other people who seem to be noticing things now. So, now I have to worry about what it is like to follow my tweets. The truth is, there are probably better ways to keep track of me than Twitter.

Facebook: I go through phases of posting status updates or not, but I do check it at least once a day, it connects with lots of things that I like, and I frequently post things that I find interesting. If we have not interacted in real life, it would be helpful to send a message when you submit your friend request, just letting me know it’s not weird.

https://www.facebook.com/sporktastic

The Blogs: Eventually you get pretty much every thought I ever have through here. If you think I have not gotten to something that you are interested in, ask, and there’s probably something there, or I will make a point of getting to it.

Links to the blogs are something that I reliably tweet, actually, but it would be more reliable to follow the blogs through Blogger, or through Networked Blogs via Facebook.

Saturday: Travel (Currently going through Disneyland) sporktogo.blogspot.com

Sunday: Provident Living (Just finished up working vegetables into your diet, not sure what’s coming next) preparedspork.blogspot.com

Monday through Friday: Everything else, but Thursdays and Fridays are music reviews. The rest covers music, art, writing, politics, and me. Sporkful.blogspot.com

E-mail: This one is actually not a great one, because I get so much that I go through periods of letting it get kind of behind.

LinkedIn: I seriously hate this one; it annoys me so much. I think I am not career-oriented enough. If you ask to join my network, I will probably accept, but I will never do anything interesting with it.

Amazon Studios: So basically about every 45 days, as the option period on one screenplay expires, I will submit a different one. It’s my way of saying that no matter how many times you decide something doesn’t meet your current needs, there’s plenty more where that came from. You can read screenplays here, and it would be great if you would vote for whichever one is active at the moment. I should be adding a new one tomorrow.

http://studios.amazon.com/users/70821

Goodreads: It’s not terribly interactive, but I do like seeing what people read and like. There’s a link on the main blog.

Ficwad: This wouldn’t be that interactive either, but if you are bored, there is a pretty long saga over here.

http://ficwad.com/author/151904

Twitter: If you want to relate via Twitter, but not follow me, just make sure to always check your mentions. This is a good policy anyway, because it’s easy to miss what’s coming up, and mentions and interactiona (via @connect) show you what relates specifically to you. For Direct Messages, if you do not follow me, I cannot DM you, but you could still DM me if I followed you.

Or you could just follow me, and that’s cool, and sometimes it might seem creepy. Believe me, I question myself all the time on this one, but it feels necessary, and that this is where I’m supposed to be.

Band Review: Trails And Ways

I first learned of Trails and Ways when they followed me on Twitter. I was expecting something a little alternative and kind of hippie perhaps, but what I got was bossa nova dream pop, which I was not expecting, and for which there are no obvious comparisons.

There are some similarities to the ambient and indietronica that I have listened to, but with a couple of important distinctions. One is that there is not the same monotony. The music builds and varies and does things, probably bossa nova things, though I don’t know the form well enough to be sure.

There is that variation within the song, but also the songs differ from one another, also very important. It is overall mellow. Actually, I felt like there was a real Northwest sound initially, but they are from Oakland, so maybe it is just a Pacific Coast sound.

Some of the variety comes from instruments. They do use electronics on many songs. For example, on “Mindnight City”, there seems to be some synthesizer, and maybe some flutes, but there is also a distinct texture added from voice and hands, and right before it, on “One Note” (this is from the Temporal album), there is a different percussion, and a guitar with a kind of Brazilian sound, and vocals that climb and coo. Clearly they take influences from a variety of places. Check “Nunca” as an example of that.

They are available for listening on Soundcloud and Spotify, and then available for purchase from Amazon. I could not find them on iTunes. There are several tour dates available on Facebook.

It’s a distinct sound, and probably not for everyone, but if you’ve had enough of the same old thing, this could be a logical band to try.

https://twitter.com/TRAILSANDWAYS

https://soundcloud.com/trailsandways

https://www.facebook.com/TRAILSANDWAYS/app_220150904689418

http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=ntt_srch_drd_B008K4CTAC?ie=UTF8&field-keywords=Trails%20And%20Ways

Band Review: Simple As Surgery

“Just For the Night” by Simple As Surgery using some thumping piano and groove to accomplish a funkier than average sound. Keyboards are strongly felt on other songs, but whereas the other selections come off as more pop and techno, there’s something more old-fashioned and raw about this one, making it stand out. The other songs are just more typical.

To be fair, that is not a wide selection yet. We have to consider this an up and coming band, that are still developing. That youth, and the ensemble feeling, may be why there is an occasional boy band feeling, but with much stronger instrumentation. That probably comes through the most on “Be With You Always”, which is also their slowest song. They may be a bit stronger with the more danceable pop. “You Got Me Like (Whoa)” and “Again” are both decent offerings here, easily fitting into a club mix.

They could definitely build a strong web presence, adding short bios and some photos to the web page, but right now songs are available via iTunes and Spotify, as well as Amazon. (It is not the exact same selection at each spot; currently iTunes has the most offerings.) There is a Youtube channel which contains some covers as well as songs.

It’s just a start, but has potential. They are going to need to differentiate some.

http://www.simpleassurgery.com/

https://twitter.com/SimpleAsSurgery

https://www.facebook.com/cartermatthewsofficial?fref=ts

http://www.youtube.com/user/SimpleAsSurgery

https://itunes.apple.com/us/artist/simple-as-surgery/id349295483