Well that didn’t work – 309.5

I think I’ll stick with weighing every day. It’s not that I necessarily think that not weighing daily was the problem, but I prefer knowing what’s going on.

I think the actual problem is just that I was overloaded. I mentioned earlier that I was working on a pilot episode for the series, but I had some hard days where I just was not writing, and so before I finished Tara wrote to me and asked for me to write out one episode, expanded character descriptions, and one paragraph descriptions for 26 episodes.

It was great that she was interested, and we were thinking in parallel ways. Like, I was only going to send her thirteen episode descriptions, because usually a new show will not get a full season order, but she asked for twenty-six so she could cull the best ones. Anyway, they are reasonable requests, but time-wise it was running into a get-together I was organizing, a bridal shower to attend, and contests I intended to prepare entries for, and I really needed to apply for some jobs and I did go to this employment seminar, and every few hours I need to shove another pill down Randi’s throat, and it was just kind of a lot.

I was able to get the pilot episode written okay, and the expanded character descriptions were not a problem, but where I really fell apart was on coming up with what would happen in twenty-six different episodes. Now, the reason I have always felt more drawn to feature films than television is that coming up with the different things for the same characters to do every week seems hard, so it is no surprise that this is where I had the issue. I could get some ideas, but ultimately my brain was fried and the ticking clock did not help. So, I sent her what I had, plus what the overall story arcs would be over multiple seasons, and that I would need a brief pause. This week I intend to take another stab at the episodes.

Anyway, while I was stressing over everything and frying my brain, I did not exercise as intended, and I really only ate the one apple (plus some pickles) for my fruit and vegetable consumption, so despite having the goal I did worse than the previous week (when I exercised twice).

It would almost appear that the answer is not to set goals at all, but I doubt that’s right. I know that being regular about exercise and eating well is not easy for me. It’s not that I don’t like them, or feel good when I do them, but they are not habits and they do not come naturally to me.

One thing I have had to learn is to do things imperfectly. Sometimes this means writing even when everything that comes out sounds stupid and inadequate. Sometimes it means that when the day has been frittered away, and there is no chance of getting a good workout, that I will still do ten pushups, or something insignificant like that.

So, I guess I’ll keep setting myself up for failure, and sharing it with the public. Here is my next goal.
On June 4th, I am going to go listen to some music at a club. One thing that is sometimes an issue is that I don’t really have any going out clothes. I have church clothes, and work clothes (very casual work clothes), and a couple of things that can work for church or an office more formal than Intel, but nothing for going out on the town. I did buy this top that is a little nicer, but I have only worn it twice. I also got this skit that is kind of nice, but I have only worn it once, maybe twice. They have not been worn together.

It is not exactly that they don’t fit, but there are places where they are snug so that they don’t look as good as they could, and they remind me that I am fat. On the 4th, I want to wear these with confidence.

Yes, I am going to try and improve exercise and eating again. I guess the special focus should be on push-ups and crunches, since it is the arms and stomach that make me the most nervous.

I am adding another level of difficulty. Almost everywhere I go, I where these cheap sneakers. They are very practical, and support my feet well, but I know they are not cool. For church (or when I need to dress up), I have a pair of simple black flats. They are not particularly attractive, and certainly have no heel, but if I wear them for too long my feet hurt, because they are used to the cushion of the sneakers. Honestly, I pretty much never wear heels. However I do have a pair.

I am going to try walking around in the heels (2-inch, thick, still not that impressive) a bit and practicing, and maybe they will become a part of the outfit. I have about three weeks. Dun—dun—dunh!