I hate it when I am not logical

I am chagrined.

Lately, people have been doing a lot of themes on Facebook, and they have been getting kind of annoying. I loved the Thanksgiving status updates, but they were still highly individualized. I think the tide turned around the time that women were posting their bra colors for breast cancer awareness.

It’s not that there was necessarily anything wrong with that, mind you, but two thing combined to get me kind of irritated. One was an article about “slacktivism”, where some things you do for awareness or charity aren’t really that much work, and does that maybe cheapen some things. Believe me, I think about that a lot when I visit Green Patch and Sweet Shop. (It’s about the only way I can contribute now, but still, I realize its effects are limited.)

At the same time, there started just being a slew of status updates that were all, if you care about this, post this. It wasn’t exactly a new phenomenon, but a lot of new ones came out in a short period of time, and they seemed to be getting pushier. If you really care, you will post, and most people won’t.

I like finding out about things that are really going on with people. I like posting what is going on with me, even if it is just a movie quote that came into my head and made me laugh. That’s a big part of the fun of Facebook. So disrupting that with various causes, no matter how worthy, is a little annoying, and when it starts feeling like there is pressure and manipulation going on, it becomes really annoying. And it is trivial. I do love Jesus, but I will never honk because of it. It does not seem like an appropriate way of expressing my faith in the Savior. So I care about cancer and infertility and malnutrition, and many other things, but it will probably not affect my status updates.

At the same time, there were also new themes coming up for profile pictures. The first one that came up was Retro Week, where you posted old pictures. That seemed kind of fun, and I did it, and then people kept the old pictures up, and I started to see some issues with changing the profile picture, and then it got out of control too.

Retro Week was followed by Doppelganger Week, where you put up celebrities whom you resembled. There were some interesting ones, but I wasn’t going to participate because I am either going to be blatantly lying or putting up someone I don’t find that attractive, and I don’t like that choice. (We’ve covered my self-image issues.) Then it was Pet Week. Well, I love my pets, but I was annoyed again, and was not changing my profile picture. Besides, people really get out of sync, so it is never actually a week—any given theme sprawls out of time as it slowly makes the rounds.

Anyway, I was already non-participating, and I don’t know that I will participate in any profile picture or status update memes again, but then I saw one today—put up a picture of you and your significant other.

Much like my self-image issues, my love life has been covered. The coverage has shown that it has been basically non-existent. I have been attracted to many, and in love twice, and come close to love a few other times, but there has never been any known reciprocation ever. I’m sure when you have had relationships, being single is still hard, but there is something harsh about never having felt wanted by anyone.

The ridiculous thing is, I am usually okay with it, and yesterday I was great. I was feeling really grateful and joyful in church. In Relief Society we talked about loneliness, and I remember thinking that sure, anyone can have moments of sadness, but really, if you are focused on serving others it is not usually a problem. When you have a good relationship with God, you don’t need validation from other people, and you can enjoy it, but you don’t depend on it. That is huge. That ultimately, with my family and friends I have a lot to be thankful for, even if I am single for my entire life.

Maybe I was too prideful in thinking about those self-absorbed losers who are always waiting for someone else to prove to them that they have worth, so to speak. Anyway, I saw the thing about the photos, and knew it was impossible. Sure, I could put up a picture of my family or my pets, but there are a lot of dirty minds online, and besides, I am now against these constant changes in general. I couldn’t let it rest though, so I put up a smart remark, somewhat being sarcastic, but it is also perfectly true:

“But I have never had a picture taken with a significant other! Oh well, no reason to spoil everyone else’s fun.”

Again, this is completely true. The last time I was anyone’s girlfriend was for three days in sixth grade, and no photos were taken during that time. That being said, I don’t have anything against Valentine’s Day. My sisters and I will look for people we want to remember, but I don’t get depressed, or get into that weird rebel state at the other end of the spectrum where I would throw an anti-Valentine’s party. I’m just kind of mellow about it.

So explain to me then why after a few responses to the status update I found myself on the verge of tears. And that’s why I’m chagrined. It’s like, really? Now this is going to bug me? I guess it was posting the smart remark that did it, but if that’s a problem, well, I’m not ready to change that. I don’t think I have it in me.

Perhaps it’s for the best. I did sign up for the talent show, so I will be doing standup comedy in two weeks, and it’s no good without a little angst. Boys are so silly, and so am I.