Thriving at your Reunion

I had not originally intended to blog about the reunion, but then Cheryl said, “I hope you do”, and I’d do anything for Cheryl. Also, I have been analyzing it to death, so there’s that. It may turn into a three-part series!

Anyway, this is actually the kind of event that I do really well at, so there might not have been much to write about, but I know some people who did not go because they did not enjoy the last one; I had one friend who was really nervous before, so I was trying to help her with that; and in my function as a greeter I found some people who had other concerns. Somehow, everyone seemed to end up having a good time, so perhaps there are lessons to be learned.

For my friend who was nervous, this is partly because another person was harassing her at the last one, and he has a minion, so even if one was not there, there other could have been. In a situation like this, it is important to plan ahead. First of all, this particular scumbag will only attach when the victim is isolated—whether from sheer cowardice or due to some conscious knowledge of wrongdoing does not matter—so the first part of the plan was to use the buddy system.

It was important to emphasize the positive, so the plan needed to be constantly looking for additional people, taking time to enjoy each of them, rather than looking over the shoulder for the big bad one. Part of this included going over RSVPs and yearbooks to remember all the cool people one could possibly spend time with.

That strategy is probably good for various kinds of pre-reunion anxiety. Jogging the memory and remembering good times helps build excitement.

So, what if your memories of high school were bad? Well, the good news is that people who were immature at various times, maybe even nasty, will have often grown up, and if you get to know them now you might like them.

This is where Facebook has been great. First of all, we don’t have to go all the way back to square one with each new person—we may already know how many kids we have or what they’re doing for a living. Also, you can get to know people you did not know the first time around. I knew a lot of people at school, but I didn’t know everyone, so that’s been nice.

Yes, there are invariably people who don’t grow up, or maybe even get worse, but the really beautiful part is there’s a good chance they won’t even come! On one level that should not be celebrated, because it’s really kind of tragic, but I must say it was kind of nice. I only even remember seeing one person who was likely to bring drama, and as far as I know she behaved herself.

It’s sad that some of the people who worried about possible drama and stayed away missed out, but the cost was very expensive, which was another deterrent, and I have no helpful advice for that. Actually, well, Facebook helped a little bit there too, because there were various unofficial get-togethers, but you don’t want people to skip the official one for that. I went to a multi-class gathering at the park the next day, which was great, and there were two separate opportunities for barhopping the following evening. Next week I am having dinner with friends, and then the week after that I am going to karaoke. You don’t have to fit it all into one night.

Now, one thing that never occurred to me as an issue, but other people did, was simply being overwhelmed. I have to admit that the venue did not help here. Things got pretty loud, which does not calm anyone down, but also the bar was right in front of the entrance with the nostalgia table on the other side, so right as you came in the first thing you hit was a traffic jam. Even if that had not been the case, there are stimuli on all sides. Just trying to cross the room to one person could lead to five different diversions as you keep finding other people to hug and question and snap photos of.

I like that kind of chaos, but if you are at all ADD, or PTSD, or introverted, it can be an issue. I think you use the usual coping methods. Take deep breaths. If you need to take breaks, do it. To some extent, you also need to just embrace the experience. Focus on one person at a time, and take them outside if needed, but also, you need to know your own capabilities. I can see where claustrophobics and agoraphobics, opposites though they are, could each have problems with the setup, and okay, maybe you need to visit with people one on one, and avoid the big gatherings. If this is a chance to stretch yourself a little though, and it works, it can be good.

Speaking of knowing your own capabilities, remember that alcohol is not your friend. Sure, it makes you feel a little looser, but it does that by eroding your judgment. Not drinking at all, ever, I don’t really have any helpful hints for deciding the right limit, but I suspect most people should stop at two drinks. It’s legally imperative to have a plan for not driving drunk, but it’s also tremendously helpful to have a plan for not humiliating yourself, or getting into actual danger, or getting into a bad hookup. I’m just saying.

For some of the people who did not come due to having a bad time at the ten-year, it was because they found people being competitive, and they didn’t want deal with that. Again, most people who are still attending seem to be above that now, but I do think it’s natural to want to be able to present yourself well, and feel like you are doing okay with your life. Personally, I would have really liked to have been married, physically fit, and financially secure. As it was, I’m just lucky Regence called the day before, so at least I had an upcoming job instead of being completely unemployed. Still, I had a few things working in my favor, and there might be some last tips here.

First of all, whenever people see me, they commonly tell me that I look great and that I haven’t aged a bit. In large part, I believe the reason for this is that I set the bar so low. If you remember someone as slender, and she puffs up after giving birth, then she’s gone downhill. I have gained a lot of weight since high school (I’m actually down a bit since the 10 year), but ultimately I have always been fat and had crazy hair, and so I’m primarily the same. (Certainly, not drinking or smoking helps.)

That being said, I think the big anti-ager is happiness, and I am generally pretty good at being happy. I have my moments, like anyone, but even with decades of weight problems and romantic disappointment, and two years of unemployment and underemployment, ultimately I still like myself, and life, and the world, and that’s your best strategy for thriving in any situation, including reunions, is to be okay with who you are.

Of course, if someone who you have always kind of liked is there, and feels so good to hug, and you can’t stop thinking about him but he’s in a relationship, and there are plenty of other obstacles, so it’s pointless, yes, there can be some wrinkles there, but ultimately you keep doing what you need to do and it works out. Hypothetically.

I got some other nice compliments that weekend, and they have caused me to think a lot about then and now, and I think there may be some postings on that. Otherwise, if you are wondering about the happiness thing, I do have some tips:

http://preparedspork.blogspot.com/2009/03/october-2008-three-keys-to-happiness.html