In or out?

I don’t know whether I am an extrovert or an introvert. I’m sure I have a lot of friends who would vote for extrovert, but if you observe my life in general, I look more like an introvert.

I’m not saying it would not have been confusing before, but it is more confusing now due to my changing my thinking about the definitions. Simplistically, I used to think of it more as extroverts being loud and introverts being quiet.

Karen was the one who initially got me thinking. We were talking about her plans to re-enter the workforce (which she has since done successfully), and she told me that one thing that she had learned about herself was that she really was an introvert, meaning that dealing with people takes energy from her, and she needs solitude to recharge, so jobs teaching or training or presenting would not be a good fit for her. I love that stuff.

Well, life circumstances came up that made me question my type, during which time period I read an interesting piece by Orson Scott Card (he has a column in the Mormon Times that I really enjoy) on that topic. Card is an introvert. It is not that he doesn’t have social skills or like people or anything like that—he just needs a certain amount of solitude. Since his wife is an extrovert, getting energized by dealing with people, they need to compromise with each other at times.

The circumstances were that low-paying job that required three hours worth of travel. I was getting up quite early, and everyone tried to tell me that the bus time would be good reading time, only I was too tired to read, so I tried to just keep my eyes closed, attempting to counterfeit rest without getting enough out of it to risk missing my stops. It took a lot out of me without really giving back, and I started to feel like I hated people.

This is where I reveal myself to not always be a nice person. My kryptonite has always been needy people anyway (attention-seekers, really—there are other needs that do not bother me), especially if they are stupid. Oddly, if you spend your life focused on getting other people to validate you, it seems to damage a lot of your cognitive ability.

One nice thing that I discovered about the job was that they got the Oregonian. This meant that I could read the papers at work, and have one less thing to squeeze into my small amount of leisure time. Unfortunately, there was a needy coworker, and he would follow me on my lunch, and talk to me while I was reading, trying to impress me with things he knew or had done. This did not go well for him, but some grim satisfaction in thwarting him was not enough compensation. I started leaving the building, almost running to throw him off my tail. I would try waiting him out, but he was more patient than I was, so I actually started eating lunch in the workroom, so he would give up and go, and after he came back, that’s when I would really go on break.

He left, and I thought this would be some relief, but one of the new people who came on, when she had downtime, liked to scoot over and watch what I was doing. She was not zealous about personal space, I guess, so I would have her knee pressed against my thigh, and she didn’t smell too great (I think it was coffee breath), and it just wasn’t good. And she was a nice person, and I was feeling at the time, maybe I should try and befriend her, or earlier that maybe I should try and reach out to him, but I just didn’t want to. And when I say I didn’t want to, I don’t mean that I was vaguely against it. I mean that I was internally screaming “Go away and leave me alone!”

That is not the worst of it. Riding my last bus, and getting off at my stop, was someone I used to know. I pretended not to know him. No, there were no verbal snubs—I just avoided eye contact or signs of recognition, and I could see he was thinking I was familiar, but I did not leave an opening for follow up. I should mention that he has cerebral palsy, because somehow that makes my behavior seem worse, though that wasn’t really a factor in it. Ultimately, he is a very nice person, but he is also a stereotypical sci-fi geek who married a crazy woman and then was always kind of bummed that things weren’t working out (like she wouldn’t live with him, for example), and I just had no energy for him.

So, does this make me an introvert, or just a jerk? Because at the same time I was seeing annoying former coworkers in stores and ducking away before they turned around, I still loved talking to my enjoyable former coworkers, and kicking back with friends. I’m not sure if it energized me or not, but it was a completely different feeling. I like attending social gatherings, but I will often take a passive role in them, listening and watching rather than doing. I guess what I need to do is pay attention the next time I hang out with friends and see if afterwards I need a nap.

There may be one more clue. Recently, our trainer for the new job had us all take this learning styles assessment so we could be aware of what works for us as we took in this new material. Anyway, some of the questions focused on what worked better for you, and some on what you preferred. I couldn’t help but notice that my preference was usually the opposite of what worked best for me.

Maybe I’m just contrary.


20 minutes walking outside
Wall sits
Matthew 1 – Matthew 10