Why and How We Pray

This is not a treatise on human prayer, though that would be a worthy topic. This is specifically about our family prayer--how we got started and what we do.

It is a pretty well accepted thing in my church that families should pray together regularly, but my family didn't really. A few different things came together to get us doing it.

The idea for praying for specific people to help them along towards marriage actually came from ET (if you know her, this does not surprise you), who told me once about talking with one boy about why he was not married, and they discussed his issues, and then they prayed together and said she would keep praying for him. I remember thinking that it was cool, and that probably a lot of guys could use additional prayers, and it helps the women too, because it is more the male half of the equation that is the stumbling block.

However, the whole thing may also go back some to back when I was eighteen or nineteen, and there were people that I prayed for, and it occurred to me that they might not have anyone else praying for them. If you come from a religious family, it would seem logical that you might have parents and siblings praying for you, but many people don't, and it struck me as a little bit sad and lonely.

From the conversation with ET I had in mind that maybe I should get different girls in the ward to pray for different guys--like we could make it a project. Still, it seemed a little bit arrogant to start, and also, without the conversation part, would it work? With the first one, he had the desire, and he was willing to work on it, so the prayer was just extra help. If we just started praying at random guys, would that really do any good?

Anyway, that was something that had been on my mind for a while, and then when my sisters and I were going to Australia and New Zealand, and were going to be traipsing around on the other side of the world for a month, changing locations every day or two, we had some worries and I proposed that we make a habit of praying nightly while we were on the trip. One thing that I had seen from the scripture study is that once you start doing a good thing, it seems logical to carry on, so this was a good introduction to family prayer. It looked temporary, but it wasn't.

There was something else that helped. I wrote some time ago about feeling like I wanted to be out of the singles ward, but feeling like I was still needed there, and this was true for my sisters also. I proposed to them that if we needed to be there because there were people who needed us, then maybe we needed to work harder on helping these people, so that we could be finished.

That sounds like we were trying to pray people married, or at least out of the singles ward, and that is largely true, but not exactly right. Again, I knew that just randomly praying at an unwilling suspect won't do much. What I have found, though, is that praying leaves you open to inspiration, and so that as we would pray for people, we would be better able to know what was needed, and what we specifically could do. It's not like it was going to hurt anyone.

So even though we were in complete understanding and agreement that really we were just hoping to help people, and marriage is tricky, in starting out we nonetheless picked three very marriageable men who (we felt) just needed an extra push. They were all good, nice, employed, perfectly fine men, for whom we could hope that a little nudge would be sufficient. There was certainly no harm in it, it could help, and having three extra people in your prayers is not a big deal. Of course, it did not stop there at all.

I cannot promise that the following is in the exact order, and obviously it would not be fair to use real names, so I have everyone numbered on a list, and we'll just see how it goes.

I think the next step was that while commiserating at a bridal shower, we mentioned what we were doing, and Fifteen asked that we pray for her. How can you say "no" to that? Actually, that was what happened with Eighteen and Nineteen also, though at different times.

Sixteen was different. The truth is, we think she and Two may be perfect for each other, and it occurred to us that maybe we should work that angle from both ends. We have given Two our opinion, though he was noncommittal (like so many of his kind).

Actually, we have let many of them know that we are praying for them, and have made suggestions to some of them. I did make a suggestion to Three, but he was already in progress on his eventual wife, and that was absolutely fine. When he moved out of the rotation we added in Eight. I had a great talk with Eight, and he did start trying my suggestion, but then gave up when it didn't seem to be working right away (you can see why a lot of them need nudging).

Five and Seven were ones that we thought needed a lot more than a nudge, which is why we did not start with them, but then we felt guilty not praying for them, because they certainly need some help, even if it is at a different level. Six is really just because we love him, and we usually hang out with him and One together, though honestly he is young enough and dating enough that I don't worry too much about him yet. Oh, and Four is because we love his parents, and he was a source of worry to them. Actually, I gave him lots of advice, and again, I can't take credit, but he also is married now, and I think it's a good move. We did think he would need more than a nudge, but when it did happen it all happened very suddenly.

Incidentally, when Three was engaged, it felt weird dropping him. We sort of did it gradually, sometimes just leaving him in, and sometimes praying for him and his fiancée, and all the engaged couples, because there were quite a few at the time.

Nine was not a source of worry, but our then-engaged home teacher, who was also Nine's roommate at the time, knew what we were doing, and he said we should add Nine, in Nine's presence, and we were good with that. Ten was going through a hard time with a girl, and he is a really good guy and I hated to see his hurt and was really worried about him, so he got in.

With Eleven, it was not even dating--he is young and has plenty of time--but he was having health issues. I am actually thinking maybe we should rotate him out, because he is doing really well now, but evicting someone still feels weird.

Really, with Twelve, Thirteen, and Fourteen, it has not been about marriage for any of them. Thirteen struggles on and off with his testimony (and maybe depression), and he is Six's brother, so that makes us care even more. Fourteen desperately needs to grow up. He is not a bad guy, but his wisdom really needs to catch up to his chronological age, you know? He does seem to be making progress now. Enough to rotate him out? I don't know. And Twelve, well, sometimes he goes through rough periods and makes bad decisions. He has never been anything but good to us, and we are going to be there for him. I know we will be praying for him for a long time. Certainly at least forty-four months minus time served and good behavior, but probably even longer than that.

Seventeen was another person who was just having a rough time, and whom we care about. Eventually we added her boyfriend Twenty-three, because maybe the best thing that could happen for her is that he mans up and quits dragging his feet.

Twenty and Twenty-one we added when they started aging people out of the singles ward, because it was going to affect them and they seemed pretty marriageable. Actually, Twenty is engaged, so that may be working but we are keeping her in the prayers at least for now. Twenty-two is a friend whom we reconnected with, and she was having a hard time, so we are being there for her, and we will continue to do that.

So there it is. Really, it is only twenty-one people (not counting temporary add-ins for specific issues), because two have graduated, but still, it is kind of a lot. It is especially an issue because with the things we need for ourselves, plus everyone else, well, I kind of like the gratitude expressed to take about as long as the requests, and we have a lot of requests. Actually, initially we had an issue with Mom praying with us, because she would hear us asking for everyone else, but not us, and she would start giggling. She is better about that now. Furthermore, I am always the one saying it, because my sisters use the excuse that they might forget someone, and it is hard to argue it.

Also, even though I call it a list, it is not a list, and I don't want it to become one, because I think that would take away a lot of the good with it. These are people we are thinking about, and checking on, as much as we can, and coming up with ways to help. It would seem that if we were to keep adding in, at some point the prayer would become vain repetition

At the same time, I am amazed at how much caring we can take. With Facebook where we can see updates on so many so often, my personal prayers have often added people in based on that, and it's amazing to me sometimes how many people can be in my heart and mind at once.

And, of course, there are so many people who still need blessing. We all love A, and at least I love B (though my sisters get annoyed a little more quickly). C and D may be too bitter to help right now, but is that any worse than being too messed up psychologically to be ready for marriage? And yet we still pray for Five and Seven.

Actually, someone suggested, and there may be merit to this, that Five will not move on before his brother does, so maybe we should be praying for E. And I could totally come up with F, G, and H--I don't even need to try hard.

Maybe it will be okay if we are still staying under thirty.

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