Thursday, May 03, 2012

Post-feminism


I don’t really remember much about the feminist movement. I suspect that episode of the Brady Bunch where Marcia became a scout and Peter became a sunflower girl was somehow connected, but it falls in that period where I was alive but not politically aware, and it is too recent to really get covered in school.
While you certainly see women doing all types of jobs now, they usually do it earning 80% less than men. This is not good for women, but it is not particularly good for men either. One twisted Romney claim is that Obama has been bad for women, because 92% of the people who lost their jobs during his presidency were women. Barring the question of whether job losses during the first few months of his presidency can be blamed on him, the real issue is that most of the men who lost their jobs had already done so before he was sworn in. This is largely because they made more, so they were let go first. (So if men feel threatened by the Ledbetter Fair Pay Act, they should rethink that.)
I think another good illustration is the discussion over Elena Kagan’s sexual orientation when she was being appointed to the Supreme Court. Since she was single and played softball and was not good-looking, of course that meant she was a lesbian. It was a stupid and pointless thing, but I remember thinking at the time that it was the new normal that women who want to really rise to the top of their field generally need to choose between family or career. As we already covered, it is not choosing whether to work or not, because even when you choose family work is often necessary, but you may be choosing to accept lower pay and prestige.
Finally, let us look at the many, many examples of schlubby guys on television with hot girls. We don’t see the reverse very often. Hairspray is really more groundbreaking than you would initially think. In crude terms, if I can’t have George Clooney, then I object to Jim Belushi getting Courtney Thorne-Smith.
Actually, I don’t care about that last part that much, but remember, the reason I headed down this path anyway is thinking about Lindsey Lohan. What happens when you give a child the trappings of an artistic career, but without the discipline and the passion and the skill? Their skill is cuteness, and their product is celebrity. What does this do? Of course when all else fails the next step is posing in Playboy—what else does she have to offer? And I think about this, and read about the reaction to Ashley Judd’s puffy face, and then I wonder if the reason Amanda Bynes quit acting, and then started again, and then got a DUI, is because she has a rounder face where it is easy to look fat, even when she isn’t, and she just couldn’t take the pressure.
I think I would be sick with worry if I had daughters. I don’t, but I have friends who do, and I see girls at church and on the bus, and I care.
The answer to most things is that we need better people, and that is also hard to come by, but these are things that I would propose as common ground for all women, and for all people.
First, fair wages ends up being good for everyone, even the corporations that gain a consumer base with disposable income. (Trickle-down economics was never really viable, but money will flow up.)
Second, families are important. Children are important. Helping children grow up into good adults with a knowledge of the world, and skills, is important. There should be high expectations on those who work towards this, parents and teachers alike, but there should also be high appreciation.
Three, don’t be tearing other people down. I realize these could all apply to anyone, but maybe women do need to hear it more. One observation I have made about jealousy is that it only happens when you are insecure about something. The fact that one person has something is generally not the reason that you don’t have it. The most destructive people I have known have been really unhappy, and that is not the best way of dealing with it.
So get rid of the guilt. If you feel guilty about working, or staying at home, look at the decision again, and if that is really the best one, put the guilt away. If it is not the best decision, and you can do better, go do it, and then put the guilt away. I’m not saying that glibly. I know it’s not easy, but when I focus on doing the right thing, and don’t worry about other opinions, I am much more happy and sane.
Get rid of your fixed ideas about beauty. There are actually a lot of different types. For me, if I like you, I can’t really think that you are ugly, and if I don’t like you, it’s hard for me to remember that you are good-looking, even if I thought you were before I got to know you. The movies are not helpful, because there a homely girl is just a girl wearing glasses and her hair tied back. Just enjoy the good points of all of those around you, including yourself. And don’t seek satisfaction in being a sex object. When you begin to accept objectification, you start to losing yourself as a person.
Be passionate about what you do, so you do feel good about it. I am not passionate about my job, exactly, but I am determined to do it well, I enjoy my coworkers, and I have other activities that I am passionate about, so it still leads to a fulfilling life. If there is a lack of satisfaction in what you are doing, take a second look at that. It may not even be that you need to change what you do; maybe you just need to change how you do it.
Look for ways to support other people. In a recent Psychology Today I was reading that attempts by people to increase their own self-esteem did not work. However, attempting to raise someone else’s self-esteem raised their own and the subjects. Funny how that works. Stopping actively sniping at, criticizing, or envying other women is good, but being actively supportive and helpful is even better.
I realize now that my list for women is pretty similar to my list for teenagers, which even at the time I said would be good for adults, so maybe the path for being a happy, contributing member of society is pretty much the same all across the board. I can support that.
I want to support one more thing though, and this is for Lindsay, Amanda, Britney, and all the rest:
Learning lip-synching and choreography is fine, I guess, but don’t you think you’d be happier learning an actual skill? Okay, yes to education and learning in general, but it’s good to learn to rock.

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