Ballroom Blitz

Believe it or not, this post also comes from working on the comic book.

As I was writing about Mikey acquiring his Kung Fu skills, I was hampered by not knowing it myself. That’s what internet research is for, and that’s what I did, but reading has its limits, and I was thinking that maybe I should watch some too.

I was looking for things to watch, and I remembered that Ballroom Blitz was used in the trailer for Kung Fu Hustle. I started watching a badly-dubbed version of that, and could not finish (I do better with subtitles), but decided to at least listen to the song. In the process of that, it hit me. There is no good version of Ballroom Blitz.

I mean, I kept thinking that there had to be, because it is a great song, and I like it, and how could there not be? Do you know how many bands have covered it? But each one that I tried was disappointing in some way.

Surf Punks? Okay, that should be good! But it wasn’t. The Damned with Lemmy? No. Let me add here Lemmy’s opening riff starts with this growl that is pretty awesome, but it doesn’t feel right for the song, and overall it is not one of the better versions, even though all of the participants have contributed plenty to music in other ways.

I could not find all of the known versions for listening (of those I could not find, I am most curious about the Buzzcocks version), but I have listened to at least 19 today, and my favorite is still Tia Carrere from Wayne’s World, which seems wrong somehow.

Eventually my quest shifted from trying to find the best version, to deciding a new version was needed, and trying to analyze what is going wrong. No matter how annoying some versions are, there is still a basic coolness to that song in the drum and bass. Where was the problem?

I think it starts with the original version by Sweet. Guitars and drums rock pretty hard, but the vocals switch between overly mellow and then exaggeratedly weird with some falsetto going on, and those disparate elements work against each other.

When other groups cover the song, they seem to go in one of two directions. One is that they get weird with the vocals also, but the other is they try and change what the instruments. Krokus makes it more metallic, and it doesn’t work. I guess Vanilla Ninja is trying to make it funkier, but that’s not what is needed, and that would be my least favorite version of the Surf Punks cover was not three times longer. (They just stick with silly, but they take too long.)

Ultimately my second favorite was KickStart, and I think that’s because they basically played it straight, and that is probably what I like about the Wayne’s World version, because while there are comedic things going on around it, it’s less of a factor in the performance.

I don’t blame people for going this way. It is hard sometimes to get away from the elements present in the first iteration of a song. For example, I remember hearing “Head Over Feet” by Alanis Morissette, and liking a lot about it, but not the discordant tone. You shouldn’t be so resentful when you find a good relationship. However, when I would try and sing it or even imagine it differently, it kept going back to her way. It’s hard to break from that. I did find a cute 30-second clip of a guy singing it with a Capuchin monkey on his shoulder, and he doesn’t sound angry, but having a cute monkey on your shoulder probably mellows you out.

“Ballroom Blitz” deserves the chance to achieve its full potential. My first thought was the Ramones, because they rocked. The problem with that is that if you take all of the surviving Ramones, even going out on a limb and including Elvis Ramone, you basically have four drummers and CJ. The drums are very important for Ballroom Blitz, but more balance is required.

My next thought was My Chemical Romance, because they rock. I did even go so far as to send a tweet to all four of them, asking them to do a version. As we know, sending tweets to people with lots of fans is not an effective form of communication, so I was not really expecting it to work, but no response. Though, now I guess the third thought should be Gaslight Anthem.

Really, there are probably lots of bands that could do a good job, and if it is only the vocals that are an issue, it could potentially even be really rocked during karaoke. I’m not sure that I could do it, because I think it may require panther screams, but I may look into it later.

It won’t be this week though, because my throat is dry and scratchy, and what is going around seems to be coming around. Last time I was sick it turned into pneumonia and it took a month for me to feel better. Since then I have had a pneumonia vaccination though, so I should be covered.