What am I doing New Year’s Eve?

I have a definite pattern on New Year’s, which is kind of gratifying.

I used to be all about the New Year’s Eve dances, and then I kind of stopped liking dances. (Thanks for going downhill, dance music! And other things.) Lately, I am generally home at midnight. I may do something before, like there were two years where I went to the Pink Martini concert, but the early one, and last year we went to see a movie (Tower Heist) with Cathy, and that worked well, so this year we are going to go see The Hobbit, but again, I should be home by 10.

And so how this has played out for about the last four years, is that everyone else is in bed, but I am still awake around midnight, and I am writing, and no matter how terrible the year has been as the clock rolls around midnight I am filled with a rush of optimism, because after all, this time can be better.

I should point out that most of the time the year is not appreciably better, and the really bad times and the really good times do not fit neatly into the confines of a year. 2008 was a pretty good year that ended horribly, and fit in more with 2009, but by the time we got to the end of 2009 it had turned around somewhat.

That’s part of it, really. No matter how many lows come, they don’t last. Time passes and they even out, so regardless of how arbitrary our moment of calling out “Happy New Year”, it is a good reminder. We’re still here. We’re still going.

And things do always get better, and they still remain unchanged. I am still single, and still not a professional writer, and still always worried about money, but I’ve gone places and I’ve done things and I‘ve had my moments, so life goes on.

This is important, because I did hit another low just Friday. It happened because I needed help and I couldn’t get it, and the specifics aren’t important, because those are really only the trigger. It’s always ripping the scab off of the same wound that is always there. It’s usually dormant, but it’s never healed, and I’m not even sure that it can be healed. (This was all covered in June.)

However, time goes on. The scab will form again; it’s already starting. I will write more, and do more, and go on more trips, and I will have lots of fun. Probably, at least twice, I will be hurt badly, and I will not even want to try, but I will anyway, and it will work out. That’s just what we do.

In the past it has usually been journal writing. Tonight I think I will try and finish Family Blood, and right after midnight, I am thinking of posting the next chapter, Black Dragon Fighting Society. It’s a day early, but it’s a new year! And I think people will really like this one. It’s all Mikey and Kung Fu; how can they not?