Exercises from a professional

The other exercises I did were from Fat Is A Feminist Issue II, by Susie Orbach. Where II differs from the first book is that it is meant to be used beyond reading. People reading the first one had set up groups, and so this edition gives information on running a support group effectively and includes several psychological exercises.

There were about nine, which were primarily visualization exercises. Some did not do much for me because they were going after issues I had already resolved. There was one, "Mirror Work" that did nothing for me and I'm not sure why. There are some body issues that I seem to have skipped, and that might be the reason. I know that sometimes there was wording that indicated an expectation that the participants have been at their ideal weight, and I never have been, at least not knowingly.

That's okay. The introduction stresses that if your mind goes somewhere else, or it wanders and comes back, or if you initially aren't good at visualizing, that any of those possibilities are okay. You just need to be open. For me, there were three that were especially meaningful.

The Chinese Dinner:

My birthday this year was based on this one. It helped me see that some of the things that I worried about were not necessary, and that there were alternatives to some legitimate obstacles. It's easy to get weird about food. Since food is a necessary component of life and a frequent component of socialization, that needs to be dealt with. I found this one helpful.

The Ideal Kitchen:

I think I will base my birthday next year on this one. It was helpful in looking at what I want and need, and one key realization was that I don't like to cook.

I don't hate cooking or dislike cooking, and I do get some satisfaction from the fact that I can do it, but it is not something I would do for fun. It is frequently necessary, but it is also completely reasonable to look for shortcuts and ways to make things more convenient. When I am trying to improve nutrition in a specific area, if it is going to significantly increase my workload, I'm probably not going to do it. A does of realism is often helpful.

Fat/Thin Fantasy:

This was definitely the most emotional for me. You are supposed to visualize yourself at a party first, and in detail. Once you have that picture set, you have to imagine that your body is growing, and you are becoming quite large. After adjusting to that, you shrink to your ideal weight.

The purpose is to see how the different sizes change you, and what you do differently, but the hardest thing for me was the feeling of scrutiny. That anyone would be seeing me getting fatter in front of them was so mortifying, reducing should have been a relief but that was excruciating too. I don't like people seeing my body, in any of its forms.

That is a problem, and I guess the Throwback Thursday photos are one way of dealing with that, and then weekly or daily selfies will probably be the next stage. I'm still growing mentally. Physically, I may not be ready to shrink yet.

At some point I will probably need to go through the various exercises again. Some of them are meant to be done multiple times, because you can focus on different aspects (especially Part of the Body).

I will say that right now that thought doesn't thrill me. Some of them were really hard. However, I know that I learned things. I also know that I can face my weakest points and survive, and be okay with myself. That's important to remember too.

When you're working on yourself, these things happen. You just need to expect it.

And Family Ghosts is still under review.