The wrong reasons

I thought I might treat Thirteen Reasons Why with the other fiction books (Wintergirls and The Bell Jar) or with the other books where suicide is mentioned (The Bell Jar and For colored girls...) but I have different things that I want to say about them than about this, and it's more true right now.

Thirteen Reasons Why by Jay Asher, 2007.

One of the things that I noticed going in was that I don't remember any of my Twitter friends being devoted to this book. People loved The Fault in Our Stars, and to a lesser extent Finding Alaska. There were a few fans of Wintergirls, and of course lots of fans of - in descending order - Harry Potter, Hunger Games, and Divergent. I knew the book had fans, but they weren't showing up in my corner of Twitter where love for specific books was a frequent declaration.

It's not a bad book. I was moved reading it and there were things that made sense. It also has a pretty high rating, with decent scores even from people whose reviews are critical. It sounds like a lot of people who thought the book was well-written hated the main character because they thought the tapes were vindictive. Others just find it completely unrealistic. The anger they express at the lack of realism makes me think that they know something about being suicidal, but I hope not. I wouldn't want anyone who was in danger that way to read this book.

From the author's point of view, I can see why a suicide, instead of an attempt, would feel necessary. They way the story builds covers a whittling away at Hannah's happiness and security, which probably felt realistic, and it allows information to be slipped in like signs that someone may be suicidal. It's good for people to know the signs, and the overall message of the book that how we treat others matters, because even a small thing can accumulate, is valid. I can see all of that, and yet I still don't think Hannah would have killed herself.

It's because her life was too stable before. It was only after the primary reading was done that I learned about Adverse Childhood Experiences and their scores, but as I learn more about the girls who have inspired me, I see more and more how it's true. The ones who have the hardest times surviving now are the ones who would have the highest scores.

It makes sense. At the time they should have been building resilience they were dealing with abandonment and assault and loss. It makes survival a struggle.

No, I don't think Hannah would have killed herself. I can see her becoming moody and withdrawn and fighting with her parents. I can see her checking out of school mentally, counting the days until graduation, and then never looking back or having any nostalgia for high school. I know some people who have been pretty close to that. It's no fun, but they survive.

I can't rule out that there are other types of stories, but those aren't the people that I'm finding, and they are the ones who got me looking at this. I am going to focus on them.

That means that healing is something I think about more and more, and healing from very difficult things. Steps toward prevention are good, so I care about stopping child abuse and ending rape culture and improving health and safety so that parents of growing children don't die, but that wouldn't be enough; there are already too many people who have been hurt.

I'm thinking about it more now because someone else made another attempt. Even though I have not officially heard, and am still waiting for that, I know she's gone. I am thinking about the things that hurt her early on, and the pain she couldn't shake, and I am thinking about her daughter and the impact that it will have on her. I know more about what that can do to her; I wish I knew more about what could help.

Thirteen Reasons Why isn't the book for that. It's okay as a book for people who don't have that problem, but then that's what it's supposed to be about, and full of good intentions in doing it.

That frustrates me a lot more now than it did when I first read it.