Glamour-less shots

In the personal writing I have been working on my body issues, and it felt necessary to get a few things out of the way, selfie-style.

Obviously my main body issue is my fat, but because it is so always there that there is a certain level of acceptance in it. Yes, I am still cringing at it showing in the pictures (we are only on Day 21), but I know it is there, I know I can't really hide it, and I have made some peace with that.

There are two other things that I am kind of sensitive about, but can conceal to a certain extent, therefore baring them is more difficult, and more necessary.

The first is my hair. You probably don't think I hide my hair, but what you may not realize is that I wake up with a head like an unruly lion's mane.

Water and conditioner brings it back under control, although through the course of the day it keeps getting dryer and thicker. FYI, such thick hair isn't great for scalp health.

Usually I have captured it in a pony tail before it gets that far, and that feels like the right hair style for me. Tying my hair back conceals it, but my hair is continuing to get bigger and fluffier all day, and then sleeping on it results in that state where really, I don't think anyone should have to wake up next to this.

I know I have married friends who have assured me that they see horrible things, and stuff like this doesn't matter, but they are still better looking and I feel like that matters.

I do sometimes sleep in a silk nightcap, which makes it less wild in the morning, but that's not particularly attractive either, "sexy lunch lady" not being one of your more popular fantasies.

Then there's my bad leg. It's the right one.

You may notice a crease on the left side. In the center of that is a scar. When I was taking down an above ground pool, one of the side supports recoiled and cut me. I cleaned it, got a tetanus booster, and didn't think about it anymore for a few years, until I was on a business trip and started feeling like I was getting the flu.

I got home feeling sick and crashed on the bed. The next morning my leg was inflamed from ankle to knee, red and painful. It was cellulitis and I had diabetes. Something else had gotten in there, and lay dormant until my immune system got weak enough to let it flare up.

I was in the hospital for a few days getting IV medications, and then I was on oral antibiotics for another month, but my leg never got better than this. It's still kind of distended, still kind of discolored.

I say it's the reason I don't wear bare legs, but I didn't really wear bare legs a lot before this. I didn't think my legs were shapely then either, but they were better.

So now they are out there in the world, and images on the internet never go away. I have to accept them as part of me too.

To even things out I will try and do a duck lips selfie soon. Those are glamorous, right?