Fighting on the internet - three stories

I know a lot of people. Because I spent so much time in singles wards, where people come and go quickly, I know a lot of people from church, many of whom I met before I was on social media. We got along fine and politics didn't come up much, but when we later became connected through Facebook it was not surprising to learn that they were conservative.

I initially thought I would only share three stories, but I keep remembering more. What seems worth mentioning going in is that except for the story I will tell Wednesday, this will all be guys from church who I always got along fine with in person. If  it sounds like there was some chauvinism or some privilege that made me more frustrating for them, that is not impossible.

Mainly, I hope to highlight some trends in how we handle disagreements where it can be worth making some changes, especially in an election year.

I am going to use some code names for privacy, and because in this first story there are two people who not only have the same first name, but their last names start with the same letter. Initials would be useless.

The first thing I want to address is personal insults and disrespect. I think we can have blinders on about our behavior. I base this on one thread about guns. One person argued that the 2nd Amendment leaves no room for the government in regulating gun ownership. I established that the commerce clause does allow the possibility of regulating gun sales, so running background checks or having waiting periods can be a legitimate thing that the government does. That person dropped out of the discussion, but another one felt a need to tell me what anti-gun nuts don't understand.

Now, that phrasing (and that is how he said it) implies ignorance on my part, and even some mental health issues - albeit lightly - with the use of "nuts". I only mention this because after I countered his mansplanation, he went on to say that these were the baby steps to the government coming and seizing all guns, an idea which I said I thought seemed paranoid and ignorant. I specifically said the idea, not him, but then he got really huffy at my insulting him and unfriended me, without a trace of irony.

I tell this story to explain that "Wad" may not have realized how horrible he was being.

This time the article I posted was about a white man patrolling Black neighborhoods in an open carry state, and how when the residents would ask for help they would be reprimanded by the police because this clearly targeted harassment and intimidation was legal, though there is video evidence that a Black man trying open carry will be treated differently.

This started a spirited exchange with Wad and myself which was mainly around racism and police brutality, but he was angry because talking about these things made the police look bad. (No, there being reasons to talk is what makes them look bad.)

Now, in the past Wad had been condescending on many occasions, and I had even called him out on it, but it did surprise me when what he threw at me was that "Oh, you read one article on the internet and now you have walked a million miles in the black man's shoes."

Okay, he might not know about the college classes I have taken and the books I have read, but he should at least know that I have read multiple articles because he has argued against so many of them.

At that point, my sister summoned an African American friend of ours, whom we call our brother so I will call him "Bro". Bro may be well acquainted with the harder side of life, but he is also really articulate and his default setting is very polite. Bro started engaging with Wad, and while he was doing a great job on refuting, it didn't matter to Wad. He was probably just getting more irritated, based on how it went.

Finally Bro asked Wad honestly, if Bro showed up in his neighborhood with a gun, would he make it out of there alive? Would the police question him or kill him?

That was a reasonable question, and the answer seems pretty obvious, but Wad was not giving up any ground. His response: "Are you even allowed to carry a gun?"

Okay, Bro has done time. It wasn't a violent offense, and he was over-sentenced for something a white man probably wouldn't have even been charged for. I don't think it would be appropriate to get into that, and to be fair, Wad probably does not know the details. They don't matter in this case. It was so below the belt.

Bro's status doesn't invalidate anything that Bro said. It doesn't change the point that someone who looked like Bro with no criminal record would be treated the same. It doesn't change the unfairness of the double standard that the original article was addressing.

I unfriended Wad. I had thought about it many times when he had been insulting to me, or said horribly judgmental things about people in other articles highlighting economic inequality. I didn't, because we had gotten along okay once, and I try and hold on to that. My default is to like people, and I am very loyal. That's what made this the final blow, because of my loyalty and protectiveness toward Bro. It was a line too far.

It is probably worth noting that of the people that will be mentioned this week, Wad is the worst, at least based on his business dealings. He can be kind of bullying and really stress out business partners, and then be very proud of himself for how smart he is. It makes sense that his online behavior was the most offensive. It's okay that he's gone.

Tomorrow's exchange will be more civil, but still quite frustrating.