Consent again, plus mistletoe!

Sometimes, around this time of year, my mind goes back to what is possibly the angriest I have ever made anyone not in my immediate family.

It was 1996. I think Toy Story was just coming out on home video, and there were a lot of commercials for it. (That is relevant.)

It happened at a church Christmas party. This was a singles ward, which is also relevant.

I saw a guy sneaking up behind my friend Elizabeth with mistletoe. I called out a warning, allowing her to duck away and thwarting the kiss.

Ironically, I like the idea of mistletoe. I have worn it in my hair before, not that it led to any kissing. That's the thing, though, I would never have used it to force a kiss on anyone. Having a form of encouragement around for people who might be inclined to kissing is cute and fun. Using it to get past a lack of inclination is gross.

In this case, I knew Liz had not had her first kiss (it is not at all unusual to have Mormon girls in their 20s who haven't kissed yet; we must not date right) and that was not how she would want her first one to happen.

That was not just because of Liz, although she was very grateful. I had a friend in junior high who had her first kiss taken from her by Travis, and he was gross.

I feel bad labeling another human being "gross", but as 13 year old girls, that was how we felt. He had horrible acne, which I had heard at least one funny but not nice joke about. He was socially awkward - possibly not neurotypical, but you can still respect boundaries and he didn't. It seems like every school had one guy like him; there is always someone gross who obsesses about kissing the girls.

So one day she was on her way into school and he just goes up to her and kisses her on the lips. There was no warning, no invitation, and his technique was like a goldfish. We tried consoling her that there would still be the first time that she kissed someone. Then it would be her choice, and it would be good, but it simply shouldn't have happened. I wasn't going to let it happen to someone else.

This guy was also a type I have met many times. He was recently out of the military, very brash and enthusiastic, but not as endearing as it could have been, mainly because he thought he was so much smarter than he actually was. He looked like he felt super-clever on his approach, and then he looked really mad at her escape.

I don't remember how mad he got because of that moment, but because of how much he held onto it. For weeks after that, I was his enemy. There were glares, and I could not say something good about someone or be complimented in his hearing without some kind of derision.

That's where Toy Story comes in. In the commercial it showed Mr. Potato Head removing his lips to kiss his butt, as a sign for sucking up (I believe because of Slinky Dog's expression of faith in Woody). This guy made a clumsy allusion to that, but he did it to a really nice and caring person where she did not get what he was going for. Then he had to be more specific, and she was like "Gina is a really good person and you can't really know her if you're saying that."

That is probably one reason why this was not traumatic for me. I don't love having people holding grudges against me, but it was clear that this couldn't damage me, and anyway, sisters before misters.

It still made an impression because it seemed so disproportionate. Don't sneak kisses on people, don't force kisses on people - you do not have the right.

But maybe that's the problem; on one level he thought he should have the right. Maybe he knew he didn't, but he didn't want to think about that.

It seems possible that my interference was more offensive to him because I was not a girl he wanted to kiss. I do occasionally hear accusations of ugly girls being jealous and trying to sabotage guys with pretty girls. I guess that could happen, but that's not what was going on there.

If it's part of that mindset where men want to acquire women, where there is a sense of property, and there is some contest involved, well, then I guess that could make my interference an assault on his masculinity - perhaps even a worse one symbolically if the penalty for insufficient masculinity is getting stuck with an ugly girl.

That sounds pretty gross, so I would hope it wasn't that, but if not it was a really outsized grudge.