Feeling low

One of the things that I am not getting to is keeping track of all of Trump's orders and writing out both the worst-case scenario and the ideal. The purpose of that would be to have a grasp of what is going on, but also to not lose sight of good possibilities.

I had been thinking about that since shortly after the inauguration. Then, at Disneyland, I was reminded that Tomorrowland was initially set thirty years in the future, which we have now passed by about thirty years again. It occurred to me that looking at how the future developed over those two three-decade periods could lead to some interesting forecasting for now.

Those were both ideas that seemed valuable, and I am just too tired. I'm too tired for a lot of things right now.

That is not all the fault of the current political situation, but it is hard to keep up with that. It's not just all of the terrible Trump appointments and pronouncements and executive orders, but also things that are happening in Congress and in state legislatures that directly relate, and it is tiring.

I think I remember someone saying that the initial travel ban and things were part of a blitz that was done specifically to overwhelm, but because of that it was done sloppily, where the initial travel ban was easily overturned. That was therefore an opportunity to fight.

As the new travel ban was still similarly sloppy, I can't help but wonder if some of that is deliberate. Maybe you can keep everyone so outraged for the first few months that they eventually get tired of rushing out to protest and make phone calls, and then you can push through the carefully crafted legislation.

That needs two clarifications. One is that I do not doubt the sincerity of Trump's irritation when things get overturned. He is a petty man, and he will not be the one carefully crafting anything.

Two is that even the small victories are not preventing damage from happening, and it is happening to marginalized people first. Some of it is legally sanctioned, like deportations, but some of it is not officially endorsed, like men getting more aggressive with women since the election, or more attacks on mosques and synagogues. Some of it is not obvious, like the hiring freeze preventing the hire of new daycare workers, so members of the military can't get childcare when they need it. The rush that comes with each victory can be deceptive.

Not all of the exhaustion will come from outrage either. I see people boosting their fundraising efforts for Meals On Wheels, trying to keep it going despite a government who literally called cutting it "compassionate". That's great, but if we keep trying to make up for government evil via personal funds and efforts, we are all going to be tapped out pretty quickly. I am convinced that is just the way the Trump administration likes it.

That doesn't even seem to be my issue. My greater tiredness lately has more to do with taking care of my mother, and yet it does matter. If her cognitive disorder was treated the same as a physical disability, and I could be compensated for caring her, that would relieve a lot of worry. There are a lot of ways there could be better support for aging and health and humans.

That contains another conflict that tires me. There is no one else who is in the same position to take care of Mom now, so that should be my primary responsibility, but some of the things happening now are really important, affecting a lot of people. Perhaps they would be more important, but even that assumes that I could do something.

Those are the kind of things that weigh me down, but if there is any solution, it is going to come from us banding together. We need to be working together and loving each other, and there is something really specific that continues to be an obstacle.

I'll try and get to that Monday.