Among the various wrong
responses to the news about Harvey Weinstein, I want to spend a little time on
Mayim Bialik's op-ed:
It has already rightly
received some backlash, so maybe everything has already been said, but I
couldn't help but notice that her apology missed the point as well. Anyway,
there were some fallacies in it that stuck out to me, and I would like to
address them now.
"I dress modestly. I
don't act flirtatiously with men as a policy."
This is probably the part
most perceived as victim-blaming. The easiest defense is the closely following
statement that obviously that doesn't excuse the actions of the men and admits
that having to watch your behavior can be oppressive.
The reason that defense
doesn't work is that it implies that it was flirtatious behavior that led to
the assaults and harassment, acting as a sign that the advances were welcome.
There is no evidence of
that. Sure, some women could have been flirty, but listening to the stories
does not back that up as a contributing factor. Expanding that beyond Weinstein
to look at other victims and that point becomes even stronger. It happened to
women who were acting professionally, who were acting uncomfortably, and to
women who were trying to avoid the situation.
There was a 1994 movie, Disclosure, based on a Michael Crichton novel. I never
saw it, and I doubt it's very good. However, one thing I remember from the
trailer, which I saw many times, is the-obviously-a-lawyer character saying
"Sexual harassment is not about sex. It is about power."
That phrasing -- for rape
and assault as well as harassment -- seemed to become a mandatory line in any
movie or television show dealing with it: it's not about sex, it's about power.
The idea has been around since
at least 1975 (Against Our Will: Men, Women, and Rape by Susan Brownmiller), but based on the movie it's been mainstream for
at least 23 years. You would think we would have it down by now, but I still
see it disputed, relatively recently in the case of Steven Pinker. Those arguments
often focus on the biological differences between men and women and the power
of lust.
I mention that because
Bialik's mention of "doe eyes" and "pouty lips", and her
concluding by encouraging women to develop their inner attributes - especially
if they are not beautiful - seems to go back to this idea of all of harassment
and assaults being responses to the desirability of the women. Isn't it great
to not have to worry about that?
Without ever having been
sought after for my looks, I find that highly insulting. As the flood gates
open, and we find more and more women victimized by Weinstein, but also
victimized by other men in the film industry, and then we hear about similar
situations in modeling, sports, and academics, is that really that tack you
want to take? If only Angelina Jolie had been more politically aware! If only gymnast
McKayla Maroney had tried to develop some kind of skills beyond her looks! And
don't forget politics, with those congressional pages not devoting themselves
to anything but makeup!
I don't think that's what
Bialik meant to say, but as much time as she spent on her own awkwardness and such,
maybe she has carried a chip on her shoulder all this time about not being
pretty, and resented the pretty girls. She's 41 years old; this is a really
good time to get over it.
Most of all, so many
times what ends up as victim-blaming is based on this faulty assumption that
you can prevent bad things from happening to you. If you are just good enough,
smart enough, careful enough, then you don't have to worry about being lucky
enough. I wish that were true.
As we start thinking
about prevention and correction, you can start finding some pretty big
obstacles. One I have heard is "Just never meet in a hotel room." That
sounds logical, but the film industry involves a lot of travel, the nice, big
rooms often have meeting space, and it can be very practical.
Sure, if you are meeting
in a restaurant, your producer is unlikely to take off his clothes. It ignores
how many women have been groped or forcibly kissed or had horrible threats made
to them in restaurants. It also ignores how easy it should be for any person to
stay fully clothed and not sexually assault someone else.
I don't think solutions
that require the prey to constantly outsmart and outrun the predator are ideal.
In addition, if you think your care can prevent every bad thing from happening,
not only does it tend to make you treat victims horribly, but it's going to
make it much harder to deal with the time that your precautions don't work.
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