Aching

I was trying to finish my writing about my Hispanic Heritage Month reading this week, but other things are pressing on me. I think I will write about that tonight, and just throw all remnants from that month into tomorrow's post.

Most of my sadness seems to be centering around Chicago.

A big part is the attack against Jussie Smollett. Homophobia and racism and a reminder that there are MAGA supporters even in big cities - which I knew. I mean, we have been aware of the growing incidences of both, but it caught me off guard anyway.

There is also the Polar Vortex.

It's been a few years since we went to Chicago. We liked it a lot, but I remember noticing people who were clearly homeless but not panhandling, which led me to believe that they were not allowed to.

We had just had our first authentic Chicago pizza at Giordano's and were walking back. There were three of us, and the pizza was cut into eight slices. We each had two, and we had the two remaining slices in a box. I remember seeing a man on the sidewalk. I was going to ask Maria to give the pizza to him, but she did it on her own. He had such kind eyes.

If you are in a heated home, and can afford warm clothing and shelter, I am sure there is still inconvenience with this kind of severe weather, but it's survivable. There are others for whom survival is literally a question.

I keep thinking about that man, who honestly could already be dead. It's silly to focus on him; we saw other homeless people and I know that there are many we didn't see. It's just that it puts a human face on it for me.

The milder weather in Portland doesn't make homelessness here a picnic, but our weather is off too. That is global warming. I don't expect Trump to understand that any better than he understands anything else, or to care, but that doesn't make it less depressing.

Ultimately, all of that together is weighing on me tonight, and I cannot write about anything else until I write about that.

I know other people are thinking about it too. I know there are warming shelters set up. I know of at least one individual who has gone around checking in on vulnerable people today. But structurally there is so much suffering so some people can be rich, and it is supported by bigotry, and it all keeps circling around and around. Tonight it feels overwhelming.

And I have still done normal things today, like posted a selfie and a song. My big contribution to Jussie Smollett will be reviewing his music this week, because I don't know what else I have to offer. In general, I think that continuing to do those things is an important part of emotional survival, and of keeping me connected. I stick with it, but there are times when it feels worse, and I wonder how much worse things will get.

My physical survival is not threatened tonight. For other people it is. And I am upset about that and needed to get it out.