With Christmas cards coming in, a couple of them had letters. I ended up writing a few letters myself in reply, but I hadn't written a general letter for a while.
Actually, what seems to be most on trend is sending pictures. I did get this idea of trying to get all of the households three people and six cats into one photo, but I am not sure it could be accomplished without bloodshed.
Of course, the best source of information on me is probably this blog, but it isn't always personal and it doesn't cover everything. Still, dear readers, for anything you missed, here is how the last year went...
Biggest letdown: Due to good prices and incurable optimism, I bought tickets for a concert in Portugal: A-ha and Duran Duran together! They were already far in advance, and then it was postponed twice, but finally it was going to happen and we were getting all booked. I was finding cool things to see while there, and then... not only was COVID not really getting better, but Portugal had the 4th highest rate of monkeypox and airline schedules were all messed up with people getting stranded. It started to feel like a very bad idea. We canceled.
Then, during the time we should have been gone I picked up a bad cold, and our mother fell twice in one day and required some assistance, so it was definitely better that we were home, but getting our hopes up and losing some deposit was still greatly frustrating.
Key learnings: For work I wrapped up the year by training on Medicare Advantage plans (it does count as a promotion), but earlier in the year I learned how to get INR results for Mom. This test measures how long it takes blood to clot, which is necessary for patients on some anticoagulants. Getting someone to administer the test to Mom was getting harder, and I believed I could do it (mostly correctly; sometimes it takes more than one poke). That has solved one big problem, and it also gives a purpose to visits which is kind of helpful. Dealing with dementia is hard.
Saddest change: Our dog Adele died. Apart from the grief of any pet loss -- and Adele was a very good and sweet girl -- we have not been without a dog since 1978. Our number of dogs and cats has fluctuated over time, but currently with the six cats, it's hard to imagine that even the best dog would have an easy introduction into that.
We get found by animals in need pretty regularly, and I believe at some point a dog will find us again. We will make it work then, but for now that is an absence that we feel.
https://sporkful.blogspot.com/2022/09/making-room-for-grief-and-healing.html
Biggest project: We replaced the floors in the house with vinyl plank. Functioning as an unofficial animal rescue was hard on the carpets, and they were pretty old anyway. The house was built in 1971 and most of the carpets had only been replaced once. We like the new look, and it was good to find out that the house has good bones. Other things will need to be replaced (some are already there), but the house is solid and we are blessed to have it.
Biggest personal change: I had a pretty big emotional breakthrough in June, except it didn't really feel big once it happened. That big sense of overpowering pain that I had been holding off was allowed to come forth. It came down to my father never being happy with me, and me not being able to fix that, so me trying to fix everything else. Most of that was fairly well known; it was just putting them together.
There is no longer a flood of tears hiding behind a dam, but I do feel things more now. That includes grief about the dog, but most of all the grief about my mother's dementia, and that state of her being here and not here. Nothing can really be ignored anymore, so I am more present, but it is bearable.
https://sporkful.blogspot.com/2022/10/all-better.html
Those are the highlights. Well, I guess some of them are low lights, but ultimately it is all life. As this posts I will be turning 51, and that is comfortable.
There are things lost with age. For example, in college I remember pulling all-nighters and I would actually have more energy, and be kind of bouncing of the walls. That ship has sailed.
Otherwise, though, it is so much more comfortable to be mature, and to be over things that don't matter, wiser about what matters in general. It is great to have no need left to impress anyone (unless I start job hunting again). As much as I can see things that I could have done better, I would not want to go back.
I do still color my hair, largely from a desire not to look like a certain aunt I am said to resemble. I know her going gray early was separate from her judgment and gossiping, but in my mind they are all associated, and I will rage for the dyeing of the white.
There is still plenty to figure out, especially in terms of how to maintain relationships and community ties while COVID is really not done, and yet most people are acting like it is done. However, we are trying a vacation again this Saturday. It is domestic and familiar, so with a much lower chance of complication. I have completely given up the cloth masks for KN95 masks now, but so far, so good.
Love,
Gina
P.S.
For updates on the vacation, and lots of post about cool things in Oregon, you can also check sporktogo.blogspot.com.
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