Even worse

This next experience was the least personal, but also the most discouraging.

Back in June, I saw a flier about a Free Food Market:

https://www.hillsboro-oregon.gov/Home/Components/News/News/14606/4300 

I thought it was a great thing, especially in not requesting ID or means testing. 

Do a search at https://foodfinder.oregonfoodbank.org/ and you will find many places that have severely limited hours or require appointments or that specify limited selection. I don't want to knock anyone's efforts, but the closer you are to the edge, the fewer obstacles you can navigate.

This seemed like a good addition (especially being so close to the train) but not one that applied to me.

I got a strong sense that I needed to check it out.

I didn't want to. We were fine for food; this should be for people that had an actual need.

My not wanting to go was increased by a lively discussion we'd recently had about needs and resources.

Someone who complains a lot complained about rising grocery costs to someone solution-oriented, so was offered a grocery order filled by our church. They wondered if we would want part of it, though they phrased it in such a convoluted matter that it was not immediately clear what was being asked. No! What is wrong with you?

That made the thought of visiting any food bank feel even more wrong, but the thought wouldn't go away.

I hemmed and hawed about it until it was actually too late to go to the June date. The feeling did not go away, and now I needed to wait a month.

Fine, I was committed to going to the July one. It ended up being a very hot day. Did I really need to see it so much I needed to ride Tri-met in that weather? There was at least a solution for that, in that Julie agreed to drive me. 

As we were leaving, Maria called on her lunch break. I referred back to my attempts to explore...

"How the system screws you?"

"Well, this is supposed to be about how it helps you," I replied, but not as confidently as one would hope.

I was still worrying about taking something someone else needed, but how in some ways just going and looking could be even worse and make people feel scrutinized. In truth, I did not need to worry.

On the way I kept looking at people waiting for buses and walking in the heat. The high was forecast for 103 degrees. It wasn't there yet, but it was on the way.

Missing the June date gave me much worse weather. The other thing I did wrong was I had not written down the address. I was fairly familiar with those offices from some training I had taken. Of course, there is more than one office, but I had not worried about it too much. Two mistakes, perhaps, but I think I got a fuller picture.

It made sense to me that it would be the entry that handled food stamps. There were two workers, but one was doing something on her computer and said I could go to the other window or wait. At the other window, a woman was trying to help a non-native English speaker, and it was going to take a while.

I looked for signage, or people coming and going with bags, but didn't see anything. 

Finally, the woman who was not on the computer was done. I asked her where the Free Food Market was.

"Oh. Is that today?"

Well, it was the second Tuesday...

That was in another building in the next parking lot, but she did point the right direction.

Let me just say, if this is where people needing food assistance go, that could be helpful information to have on signs and to have the staff up-to-date on details.

Let me also say that it was not the next parking lot, but two over. However, the actual "next" parking lot was clearly under construction, so that was not a big deal.

Let us also remember that the market runs from 1:30 to 3:30. When I got back to the car the second time, it was 1:59. That part did not take very long, because before I reached the doorway someone leaving told me that they were out of food. They only had diapers and some other non-food item that I didn't quite hear.

As we were pulling in, I did see one couple walking away with one bag; that might have been the last of the food.

Perhaps I should have gone inside anyway, but I felt like I had seen what I needed to see.

We were fortunate. I was returning to an air-conditioned car where we could quickly drive to our air-conditioned home, that did have plenty of food, even though I am unemployed. I imagined someone busing there in the high heat, and enduring because they did have empty cupboards, and then finding nothing. 

I know that we need to do better.

But also, for the people who believe that there are all these programs that put lazy people on easy street, and that there are programs to help everyone except white men... all of the racist, sexist, hateful lies that get told are just that: Lies.

You know the main factor that makes things easy? Money. A system that keeps consolidating wealth will continue spreading misery. A scattering of people with good intentions is insufficient for that.