Your relationships and environment

Not all titles can be clever.

Some of you know that I used to do a preparedness newsletter; that's where the Sunday blog came from.

It often focused on pretty tangible preparedness for emergencies, but your emotional resources are a part of survival too. 

It totally makes sense to look at your environment in terms of whether there are nearby farms or you are in a food desert and are there plants contaminating the air and water or a pipeline that could explode without warning. Today, though, we are just asking...

Do you feel safe expressing yourself politically?

Would the neighbors shun you? Might you get a brick through a window?

Look, even here in the liberal suburbs of Portland, I know people who have had their Pride flags stolen and I see Trump and Thin Blue Line flags all the time... there aren't really monoliths. 

In general, though, are you able to express your views safely?

If not, you may be feeling some isolation. That may be more true on a day when a lot of rhetoric is flying around about how liberals are evil.

If your area seems bad in that regard, there is a good chance that it would not be economically feasible to move. You can still try and find community.

Look for the helpers. Maybe there are some like-minded people working on getting more supervision on the polluting factory or organizing to improve the food desert. 

If you don't find anyone, maybe you could start something and bring people in, but first check out who is around you. It might be surprising..

I should also note (and I promise you that dominator culture plays a role in this), it is not unusual for volunteer organizations to have terrible political struggles, with some people wanting to take leadership so slandering some members and playing favorites with others. I have seen some terrible burnout in dog rescue.

As we get into the relationships, we have to remember that people are not perfect. Also, you are people.

Who empties and who fills your bucket. Who listens when you are hurting? Whom can you ask for help?

The very important related questions are who confides in you? Who asks you for help?

Not having good answers is not where you throw up your hands in despair; it's just a starting point.

Maybe you need to reach out first. Is there someone whom you think might need help, and you would be willing to help them, but they haven't asked? How hard would it be for them to ask you?

You can tell someone that you are there for them, though it may require some reinforcement before they believe it.

You could also find that you would like to help others but you feel like your bucket is too empty. Is there someone you could talk to about that? 

If it's less pressure to do something that is not a big need, like a nice note or cookies, just because, that can be a perfectly fine starting place.

These are only starting questions, but I am going to throw two more out there knowing there are common patterns that come up:

Is your primary social engagement coming from work? 

Today's world makes that pretty easy, but changes in work can disrupt those relationships very abruptly, even when you socialize outside of work.

If job troubles happen, is that going to leave you isolated?

Also, if you live with people, do you all recognize each other as full human beings with the rights to their own thoughts and ways, who need to respect and be considerate of each other?

Sure, I ask that thinking more about husbands and boyfriends being sexist and not granting women their full humanity, but you know, it can happen with parents and children too.

That doesn't mean that you have to break up the relationship, but often people will struggle to realize they are not respected -- maybe they are not even liked -- and it's hard to move forward from that.

Respect is something that you both feel and do. My younger sisters and I are in a good place, but there was some anger and fighting along the way. Don't despair if things aren't good yet.

At the same time, if things are mostly in a state of detente achieved by ignoring issues, there may be room for improvement. That improvement is worth the discomfort that it will require.

I know there is nothing very concrete there, but it can't be concrete because it is so individual.  

It is also worth it.

Now in this worst timeline, there are previews of the accelerating stressors, so use them as a guide to what kind of improvements might help you and what improvements are possible.

We still need to be able to imagine something better, and implement it if we can.