Oh, Sporkful, where art thou?

Ugh, it has been a long time since my last update. The only person who will even see this is Josh, who signed up for the RSS feed.

Let me tell you what happened. I was actually starting a new blog entry a while back, and the subject was supposed to be the story of me buying my mother’s house. As I tried to relate that, I really veered off on the subject of my father, and realized that I had not completely processed everything there.

I had been working on this document where I was basically analyzing my entire life in depth, and I decided I needed to finish that before I could do anything else. The section detailing my paternal relationship was sixteen pages, and the longest section in the bunch, but the whole thing was two hundred pages. I guess that would make Dad eight percent of my angst, but it was not all angst.

Anyway, the result of all that was that I am now more emotionally healthy than I have ever been, and I am open to the future. The important part of that future really seems to be moving ahead with writing, and making that a career path. It is something I have always wanted to do, but I have not had great discipline (it’s hard to work full time and write), and fear has been an issue. I think finishing the project was important not just to work out all of my issues, but also to get in the habit of writing more regularly. I also feel like I type much faster now, but that was probably not as important.

Although I had several writing projects already started or as very solid concepts in my head, I was not sure where to start, but then I had this dream. Many of my projects have started that way, and this was one with some images that I could not get out of my head, and suddenly I realized there was an idea for a screenplay there that I would be okay with selling and that would actually be marketable.

So, I’m working on that now. I will be honest, in that I am completely breaking the rules. Everyone says write what you know—I am writing about a paralyzed former CIA agent seeking closure in Rome. But the ideas are flowing and I feel like the quality is pretty good. I am actually writing in sequence now, which is a little different for me but seems to work better.

Finishing it and then marketing it will still be challenges, but when I think of various obstacles I do get ideas for potential solutions. Mostly though, I get the impulse to forget that for now and just focus on the writing.

As I was getting to the last third of my self-analysis project, I started feeling letting other projects drop off. I tend to be really scattered, because there are always so many good and interesting things to do, and I am easily distracted and pulled in other directions. I was learning to be focused there, and that is happening even more now. I feel a bit like I am on a choke chain, and as I start wandering off there is this pulling back—no, not now.

I am not saying that to say that I feel confined or picked on; it is just sort of different for me—and really necessary. I need to get away from my day job, and I can’t do that without another source of income, and these next few months are going to be critical in establishing myself. That is why even though I am said that my book club is disbanding, for now it is probably good. Now if I can just quit browsing the internet.

I am going to try and be good about the blog, because it goes along with my current goals, and then you can follow the process and watch my growth.

I have been thinking that 2006 was the best year of my life to date because of the travel. It was not just that I went on the cruise and to Italy and that those trips were good, but that they were things that I had held off on doing because of different fears and worries. By going I didn’t just have a good time there, but I also learned about myself, and grew.

2007 can be better yet, despite the lack of exotic trips. I should have exorcised some personal demons (future behavior will confirm whether I was really successful or not), and if I can really hone my craft and build a new career, that will make this an amazing year. There will really only be one thing left then—Spork gets a date in 2008! Or maybe my driver’s license—I’m not sure which would be the bigger miracle.