High School Days – 329

The nice thing about high school is that I don’t have anything I really kick myself over. Yes, there were some fairly humiliating moments, some stupidity, and at least one regret, but in general, I got by okay. Maybe it’s because I don’t really remember hurting anyone.

Although I was still appreciative of good-looking males, I did end up being less boy-crazy. I think it was partly growing maturity, where I could develop deeper attachments, and also, I may have started sublimating, replacing attraction with service.

You see, I was a very smart kid, and this allowed me to coast quite a bit academically. I would go through cycles of occasionally putting off too much, getting some bad grades, and trying to apply myself again, but the point is that school was largely social for me. This may be why I am not quite sure that I was a nerd, though I certainly had some of the trappings.

Anyway, I remember going through this booklet of different activities that were available to students at Aloha before starting my sophomore year, and trying to calculate how many I could possibly fit in. At various times I was part of French Club, Spanish Club, Earth Club, Science Club, Amnesty International, Literary Journal staff, and Model United Nations, as well as helping with many dances and student events. The two that really stuck were Speech Team and sports management.

It’s the management part that directs the rest of the story. Don’t get me wrong—I have speech tournament stories too, like that guy at Monmouth who was totally coming on to me Friday night, and then completely ignored me Saturday, or Ted who was wonderful, but I was too immature to give him the proper encouragement, or running into Chris again after college and being horrified, but those are stories for another time. Let’s talk about sports. I’m going to have to sell out my friend Karen a little bit, but she’ll be okay.

It all started one day when the morning announcements mentioned that the men’s basketball team needed a manager. I thought about this, and decided to go for it. After all, I loved sports, despite not being very good at them, and basketball was my favorite sport at the time. I wasn’t sure exactly what was involved in management, but it turned out to primarily be folding warm-up suits, handing out water and towels, and later on included sweeping the gym floor before practices. I decided to go for it.

It got off to a rocky start. Remember how most of my friends had a flair for the dramatic? I told Karen, and she went into her next class and announced that Gina was managing the basketball team just so she could have a quickie with Bobby at halftime.

Well, that was patently untrue. Even if I was the kind of girl to have quickies, and if the coach would have stood for that kind of behavior, and the guys were free at halftime (which they were not), I wasn’t that into him anymore. Also, I assumed the men’s team meant varsity, and I had thought of Bobby but I assumed he would not make varsity before he was a senior. I had watched him play a few times. However, I was wrong on both counts. I managed both varsity and junior varsity, who played their games consecutively, and there were so few players that the only guys who did not play on both teams were the seniors (who couldn’t) and 6’7” Aaron who I initially assumed was a senior, but I guess they just reserved him because he was the star. We’ll talk more about him later.

Unfortunately, often in high school it doesn’t matter so much what is true as what is believed, and maybe what matters even more is the size of the mouth on who knows. There was a girl in Karen’s class who heard it, knew what it meant, and spread it like wildfire. Karen saw what was happening and felt horrible, and her confession explained to me why so many people whom I did not know at all were staring at me as I walked down the halls.

The old rule about not letting guys know you like them turned out to be very true, as despite me being around all the time, Bobby and I were never really able to bond. One thing that would be really helpful for teenagers is an understanding that these things are not really important. I’m not sure it is even possible to understand it while you are in it, but now I get it. Yes, two years ago, when I was an eighth grader and you were a ninth grader I thought you were the cutest boy in the school, out of about fifty who were considered cute. So what?

But at the time, it was not “so what”, and it started off kind of discouraging. The thing that really kept me hanging in there, besides my usual stubbornness, was the kindness of the seniors, especially Grant. I remember one night when we had played at Tigard. At home games I could leave pretty much as soon as the game ended, but for away games I would wait while they showered, and possibly got yelled at or talked to, depending on how the game had gone, and usually everyone else would have cleared out. I think maybe that night Grant was injured and had sat the game out; otherwise I’m not sure why we were along together. He asked me how I was liking it, and I had some doubts, and was feeling kind of down, but he was very encouraging. Maybe he talked to the others too. Anyway, it started getting better, and I did care a lot about Grant.

It was not exactly a crush. When I think about the first time I fell in love, I sometimes think it was Grant. Usually I end up deciding that Mike was the first one I can actually call “love”, but Grant was sort of a transition for me. It wasn’t about being the cutest, or anything like that. Technically, even if we looked at just the seniors, Darin was probably the handsomest, and Bob was the hottest, and Gary was the one who tugged on my heartstrings the most. I liked Grant because he was kind, and his eyes were clear and honest, and if he was good-looking it was secondary for me.

I made it through the season, and then one of the basketball coaches recommended me to the track coach for spring season. The primary duties here were score-keeping, and I got paid $12.00 a meet, so that was pretty cool, and then I got hired to run the clock for summer basketball too, which also paid. I enjoyed the sports jobs (except for my brief stint umpiring Little League Softball, which sucked horribly), but I was still undecided about going back for additional seasons. However, my other job was at McDonald’s, and the other guys from the team came in all the time, and asked if I was coming back, and I finally decided to give it a try, and also to manage men’s soccer.

We had some good times. The soccer team ended up going to the state championship, and the basketball team ended up in the final four—both of which were phenomenal. It was a big change for the basketball team. I don’t know how the soccer team did the previous year, but it was still pretty sweet. I’d like to say that it was because they all had such a great manager, but that’s probably a stretch. Still, it doesn’t hurt.

I did end up kind of liking two other nice guys from the team: Joe, who had not been on the team my first year, so there were no bad memories, and again he was very kind, and then John my senior year. And believe me, it was John I liked, not Jon—Jon drove me nuts! However, these were not really serious crushes, because I wasn’t thinking of them as potential dates. These guys were my responsibility and I wanted to take care of them and see good things happen to them, so that’s where the sublimation came in.

I might have been better off not being a manager. For one thing, I had no idea how un-cool managers were. Most of the managers for other teams were disabled in some way, and they may have gotten into management due to a lack of other options. I know the Beaverton guy had been a football player, but he had a weight problem where it wasn’t safe for him to play. Granted, I’m no one to criticize there, but really, since I was going to be wanting scholarships, I really should have focused on my grades, do just two activities but really excel at them and try to hold office in them, and then do some volunteer work that would give me great testimonials and letters of recommendation. Socially, I probably should have tried befriending boys with common interests, and putting maternal instincts on hold for a decade. All I can say was it seemed like a good idea at the time.

The next installment will be about Mike, but let me quickly mention some minor things. We know my first date was Shawn. My second date was for prom when I was in tenth grade. I went with a friend from junior high, Hung, who was one year older, so this was his junior prom. He later turned out to be gay, but I did not know at the time, and we did have fun. I do have a minor regret though, which is that I let my mother talk me out of the dress I really wanted (satiny green strapless), and got the one she liked (pink taffeta with way too much lace). I know it makes sense for mothers to steer away from strapless, but I could have really looked good, and let’s face it, there weren’t going to be a lot more opportunities for that in my future.

Also, I might regret not taking the chance to kiss Dan in the student center that day. It might have been a good milestone for me, but maybe it is better that I didn’t.