Convalescence

I was silly to think that I could start posting regularly again while Mom was in recovery. Yes, it has been better than last time. I am taking better care of myself, and she is doing better herself, and there is no refinance going on, but I have been working on two major projects and trying to overachieve, and it just hit me all Friday where nothing was going right and I felt like I had lost all ability to cope.

Saturday and Sunday I forced myself to spend eight hours in bed--I was not able to really be asleep the entire time, but I was still at least partially resting, and it helped.

I do have much to write, and I will get to it, but I did want to post a little today about being grateful for my relationship with God. As I struggle with being relentlessly human, I am grateful that there is a way for repentance to work. I have a bad tendency to try and save myself, and then be forgiven and blessed. It's funny, because for all the things that Martin Luther got wrong, that's the one thing that I really relate to, is how it must have felt for him to realize that he did not have to save himself; it would be done through God's grace. I still constantly don't try and let it work that way.

Despite that, or because of it, I do know that God listens while I pray, and that He loves me, and I take great comfort from that. I am grateful for the answers that I receive. They are there. I am grateful that He has infinite perfection to cover my seemingly infinite shortcomings.

I'm not really sure when I will get it right, but I am grateful that I still accomplish some things even while I am not accomplishing everything. Imperfect people can still do good and understand some things and be loved, and that keeps this world from being one of despair.

I am not where I want to be, but I'm getting by.