Dating: Harder than it looks

“Harder Than It Looks” is also the title of my favorite A-team episode.

So let’s say that I accept that love and romance and flirting and dating are all as possible for me as for anyone else, and that would be a great step forward, and I think I am largely there, but there’s still a lot of nuisance.

First of all, there is the issue of meeting people within that very small pool. I know the obvious way to get around this is online dating, and I don’t want anyone who has benefitted from it to be offended by this, but it repulses me. Seriously, I cannot stand the thought of it.

Some of that may be that I am not too invested in the process, which we will cover more in the next post, but also, chemistry is really important to me, and proximity is important for determining chemistry. I am a love at first sight kind of girl. Sure, it’s not terribly practical, but since the times when it did not happen at first sight, and I sort of led myself into it, were ultimately far more annoying and devastating, I think I need to stick with my system. I don’t think I can get that on a computer. I have browsed profiles, and it does not work for me.

Let’s say we move beyond that, and there is someone and we are ready to start down that path with something nice and casual. What are our options? Going out for drinks? Well, I don’t drink. Grab some coffee? I don’t drink coffee. Go out for ice cream? I’m sensitive about my weight and sweets aren’t good for me. Grab lunch? I only take a half hour lunch and with no car, it could only happen on a day off, at which point we have already moved beyond the quick and casual.

Truthfully, these shallow dates are not my forte. I’m not good at small talk. I love conversations, but then it’s better if we have some time. So maybe the real issue is that I don’t want to get to know anyone new under those circumstances. If I meet new people platonically, and then something develops, okay, but at this point the people I am most drawn to are ones I already know.

Truth be told, I did go on a date a few (okay, several) months ago. It was someone from school, and we would have chats on Facebook where he seemed on the verge of asking me out, and then didn’t, so eventually asked him out.

It was not awful, and I like him and care about him and am reasonably attracted to him, but we cannot converse at all. It is always just slow and awkward. I guess we are on different wavelengths. I know from Seinfeld that awkward pauses in the conversation can lead to making out, but those usually happened over chat or phone, so it wasn’t really an option.

I guess what I am really saying is that if we went to school together, and you are single, I will go on a date with you. (Unless you’re completely reprehensible, but that hardly ever comes up.) That being said, conversation is really important to me. Even if you don’t talk that much but it’s still flowing, that can work, though at some point I will probably become self-conscious about it.

That’s actually the problem with a lot of dating activities like movies or shows—you shouldn’t be talking, but how will you know if there is a connection if you don’t? And bowling is so loud. I guess mini-golf works well.

Actually, I do have a perfect date in mind: making gnocchi! I was thinking of this because I took a class a while back, and the teacher really seemed to overcomplicate things, and put a lot of disclaimers on all the things that might make them not come out. This seems to be fairly common, but I have to say that while they do sometimes come out better than other times, I’ve never had a batch where we were like “Oh no, the gnocchi are ruined! Why didn’t we just make spaghetti?”

So I was thinking about how people perceive it as more difficult than it really is, and how I would explain it if I was teaching someone, and that’s when I realized it would be a good activity. First of all, there is a lot of work to it, so you always have something to do if the conversation lags, but at the same time nothing you are doing would preclude conversation. That’s a good balance. It’s a little messy, but perhaps that just keeps things from being too stuffy.

Also, since I am the one who knows how to do it, that gives me some advantage to compensate for my other concerns about being old, unattractive, and socially awkward. I can tell you about eating them in a quattro formaggi sauce on a perfect day in Lido, and how my grandfather would drive everyone crazy when he was making them.

I feel it is a good plan, therefore, I suspect the next time someone shows some interest in me, he will have a terrible potato allergy. One can only hope.