More thoughts from Judge Judy - Legal shortcomings

Yesterday I referred to being able to relate a story without using hearsay, but there is also a lot to be said for just being able to tell a story clearly. It is common that the judge will ask one simple question, and the person seems completely unable to give a simple answer.

There are several reasons for that. Sometimes people do not grasp the specific question. That can be partly nerves, which is understandable, or it can be issues with speaking and thinking clearly, which is sad and will affect them in other circumstances.

Sometimes the story is overly rehearsed. Asking the specific question disrupts the narrative, which is useful for getting to the truth.

(I want to do a series of posts on things everyone should be able to communicate someday.)

Along those lines, people will often feel the need to get certain points across that show that they are good, and were doing the right thing, and that the other person is bad, and was clearly in the wrong, though those issues often have nothing to do with the law. There are people who are being deceitful here, whether it is outright lying or somewhat unconscious serving of the normal bias in their own favor. There is something else I see, though, and it makes me kind of sad so I wanted to address that.

Often, the events that get people into court have been very emotional. There is anger and grief and all of these messy emotions that the people feel a need to express, but the court is there for the law.

The emotions are not law. They want to have their say, but it doesn't really belong in the courtroom, and there is frustration there. Even if their suit is successful, it may not bring closure.

One factor there is that not everything is a legal matter, and that's a good thing. It would be horribly burdensome to have every bit of minutiae in our lives dictated by law. I think it is reasonable that there can be things that are unethical and immoral but nonetheless legal. That ultimately works best. At the same time, if not all grievances can be dealt with by law, then there have to be other remedies for dealing with them.

So, if you adored someone, and you thought they adored you, and in the process they got a lot of money out of you but there was never any promise to repay, you have been burned. The person who burned you may be manipulative, exploiting scum, but that is not illegal. A lawsuit will not help, but other things might.

Some therapy might, not just for rediscovering your worth, but perhaps for identifying bad patterns and changing them. Assertiveness training might help. Taking action to strengthen your financial position might help. The person who hurt you may not be cooperating, but there is a lot that can be done with you, and that's work looking at. A lot of my healing comes from my faith, so don't rule that out.

Law is important, but it's not everything, and it's important to understand the boundaries.