Bad at sports

I just wrote an entire post and realized it was the wrong one for today. It was related, but it went off track. I'll save it for later.

All right, I kind of stopped looking at myself at 6. Part of going through the pictures is remembering that I used to like how I looked. There is a really early picture where I think I look like the Gerber baby, and then some later pictures where the head full of curls reminds me of Shirley Temple. There was a loss there.

There was also a loss of knowing my physical capabilities. I thought of myself as fat and not-athletic, but when I was in high school I would go on six-mile bike rides just for fun, and I didn't think anything about it. There was some actual fitness there.

I was not a great athlete, but I did play volleyball, basketball, and softball on church teams. I was never outstanding but I did make the occasional outside shot in basketball. Even continually running up and down the court requires a certain level of fitness, but I didn't see that.

Some of that went back to grade school. When we would do the yearly fitness testing, there were two areas where I would always fail. I did great on all of the others, and that should have meant something, but I was just more aware of what I wasn't good at.

Those two were the flexed arm hang and the distance running. I believe the distance running was for endurance, and I don't remember how far we had to go in what amount of time, but for the flexed arm hang I know it didn't matter how long you were supposed to stay up because I could never get up in the first place. I had the same issue with the rope climb, which was not a part of the testing, but I had the same problems with it.

I never watched "Dave's World" on a regular basis, but I did tune in a couple of times, and one episode had Dave go to the school for one of his sons. He ended up in the gym with a teacher telling him to climb that rope, which he had never been able to do. However, the teacher told him to grip with his legs and scoot his way up, and he was able to do it.

It never occurred to me to use my legs and my lower body. I was trying to pull myself up with my arms. I thought if you were strong you could do it, and I was weak.

It occurs to me now that there might have been techniques that they could have taught us for running, like what stride to use and how to pace yourself - because maybe you need to work up to being faster instead of trying to keep up with the kids who are already fast and burning out early.

I feel like we had a very Calvinist view of athleticism; you were either predestined to be good at sports or you weren't. Fine, some people are naturally better at things, but I took some coaching classes in college, and there are drills and exercises and things to become better at the things you aren't good at. I guess if they are cutting P.E. classes there is no need to figure out how to do them right, but it seems unfortunate.

The other memory that comes back now was from junior high. I used to be decent at hurdles, and this one year I did them on field day and I knocked over every single one. A friend of mine started singing "I'll Tumble For You" when I got back. It was bad.

It had not occurred to me that my body was changing. It may have thrown off my center of gravity some. Instead I just saw it as more proof that I was not athletic.

Some time ago I made some calculation, and I realized that the weight gain really took off after I turned 14. It is hard to tell, because in addition to avoiding looking at pictures, I also really avoided weighing myself, but there seemed to be a change there. At the time I chalked that up to puberty, because I was not yet admitting that the other thing that happened at 14 had a psychological impact.

It's not necessarily unrelated. Two of the changes that came with puberty were my breasts, which were sizable and well-developed at an early age, and that might be part of what led to the harassment that day. Steve went straight for my shirt, and other guys had shown some preoccupation with them before. Everything relates.

My point is that without being able to accurately see or appreciate my body, I didn't understand what was gong on with it, and I lost things that way. It's been a long time since I've ridden a bike. That may come back easily, but I've tried roller skating again since the time when I was good at it, and that is not the same. Running up and down a basketball court does not feel good now.

I can probably get some of those things back, but if I had stuck with things then, that would have been better. Lots of high school students do hurdles at track meets, and they probably had to readjust after growth spurts, but they found a way. I probably could have.

Also, it's just really important to know that your body is good.

If you have a body, you are an athlete. - Bill Bowerman

I had thought that next week I would write about some of the things that I started focusing on instead, but I may take a break to celebrate Black History month, even though I have not done this year's reading yet.