Wants list

Still keeping it short, but here is something from my spreadsheet.

In this case, the "Wants" list does not refer to the category of the same name on this project, but was something that came up later.

Many of the specific goals involved meeting needs of mine and solving issues, all of which required believing that I was worth the attention. Not taking care of myself was deeply ingrained, so telling myself mentally to think differently was not an easy switch to make. I needed some sort of reinforcement and bolstering.

It's not often that people ask me what I want or need, but even when they do, knowing and coming up with it was really hard. It wasn't something I thought about. Noticing that was where the idea developed.

Now when I realize that I am out of something, or something is worn out, or that an item will help me with my next set of goals, I write it down. Then if someone asks me, I know what to say. If I have a little extra, I know what to get. Sometimes I just make it a priority without any specific opportunities making it more economical or convenient, because I need it.

Asking for the massage was one thing that happened from the list. Something yesterday happened from it. Once a want is down in writing, that gives a weight to it. It has been reinforced in the memory, and you find opportunities for it, or make them.

I should have learned it from the mattress, really, but there are things that come slowly to me. I am still learning, but there is progress.

Perhaps the most important lesson is that while study and reflection are very valuable, it has to be put into practice to be complete. We are not just minds, but also bodies, so we relate to the tangible.

I give myself lots of homework.

Maybe I will have clearer thoughts next week.