Monday, May 29, 2017

Memories abroad

Here with my family, having lost most of a generation and knowing we are close to losing one more member, it's inevitable that there is some sadness. There is also a lot of love.

I am remembering the ones who are gone. Actually, I got a jolt on my very first day.

We went straight from the airport to the rehabilitation home to visit my aunt. As we got out of the car I heard a greeting and for a moment I thought I saw the first aunt and uncle who had died.

There was this unsettling moment of if I could have been wrong about losing them, or had we crossed over somewhere; having just spent 22 hours or so traveling, I could have been in a more impressionable state. It was only a moment and I realized they were two of my cousins. One, the daughter of my aunt, does look a lot like her. Her brother (the other) does not really look that much like our uncle, and yet there are moments when he does. My heart.

It would not surprise me too much if there is family nearby on both sides. There has been a lot of love and helping of each other all along. Since communication is primarily with those on this side, that is where I have to focus, and a lot of it is reminiscing. I feel how much we love each other now, but a lot of it is felt in memories that I have, and that we can share.

I remember that last night when we walked to the train station. It was so perfect.

I remember how before she would only eat pizza margherita.

Sometimes they remember too, but sometimes they didn't know, but now they will remember hearing it.

They are not always my memories. I tell them things my sisters remember, or things I heard from my mother.

I also give them new memories. Staying in a hotel is new, but it gives me regular internet connectivity. Every night I write to my brothers and sisters and tell them whom we saw and what we did (and what we ate). I think it makes my younger sisters miss them more, but sometimes that is the price of love.

I don't know that it bonds us, because we are already bonded, but there is a strengthening, I see these good things about you. The times I have with you are important to me.

I just wouldn't want there to be any doubt.

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