There is another nagging thought here, though not specifically about me.
It comes from another two things that could have been separate but are tying together. I am swimming in a sea of synchronicity right now.
During "RememberSeptember, on October 11th (so really #RememberSeptemberExtendedDanceMix), I did a memorial for different people that I have lost from school days. I knew I had to do it because of other memories that had been coming up involving people who were already gone.
Joshua Westhaver was a big part of that.
Along with those memories and talking with a friend, I was remembering Fiddler On The Roof and realized that I did not have stage fright, which was kind of interesting, and it made me think more about all of those drama and acting adjacent memories
I remembered something I wanted to share. I thought I would go to a blog that had been set up in his memory, http://memoriesofjoshuawesthaver.blogspot.com/. I did not know how to post there, and it wasn't that big a thing, so I was going to leave it alone, except for that nagging thought...
I don't remember Josh being in Fiddler.
That seems weird to me. Of all of my friends who did any acting or stage management or anything, Josh was the most involved. He was in plays at Aloha, including the title role in Barnum our senior year, and he did several after graduation. He even has one film credit:
https://www.imdb.com/name/nm2310312/
Fiddler was 5th grade, and I remember his showing surprising acting ability in 6th grade; that was the memory I wanted to share.
Actually, everything we did together was creative in some way.
Let's go back in time.
Josh and I were at the same school but not in the same class in first grade. I think we became friends in second grade, so after I had suffered social death the year before, and before Jennie moved here in third grade. He did not get in on sleepovers, but we were all three friends, and the primary crew for Graveyard Airlines games in 4th grade. Then when Stephen moved here in fifth grade, he joined us.
My earliest memory of Josh -- and the story that I told at his memorial service -- was that the first time we really talked, we came up with superhero identities for ourselves. The next day he returned with pictures he had drawn of our costumes.
I told that story because on the way down I was with another friend and we were reminiscing. She said how adorable it was. Well, to adults, sure, but for 2nd graders it was epic. There's a difference.
I knew he could act in 6th grade, because we did a sketch for English class together. Maybe it was about someone having a need. The way we did it, Josh was looking for a hat and he came into my combination footwear and head wear shop, It's Raining Hats and Clogs. At the time he had a Greek fisherman's cap that he wore all the time, but he took it off so he could buy it in the store.
This is why I remember his acting: I remember him coming into the "store" and looking at a shoe display and saying "I need a hat, not shoes!" Except that there was no shoe display. The only prop we had was his hat. Well, I might have made a sign, but that might have just been some drawing; I don't think we used it. However, the way his eyes went, you knew exactly where the shoe display was, and could picture it. It was clearly one of those short round ones. And the mind is definitely filling that in based on what you would normally encounter in a shoe store at that time (about 1984), but still, he was so convincing! And intense. I don't think my performance was great because I was trying not to laugh. I didn't know how deeply into the role he would get.
That year we also worked on a short animated film for homeroom, The Garden Tragedy. It was actually my second animated film, because I had done one in 4th grade for TAG using clay. For this we used construction paper, ten years before South Park. And it wasn't just us; we worked with Karel, Lynn, and Marian, but I think we did some extra. I remember going to his house once, and I assume it was for that.
And then the boundaries changed, and a handful of us went to Five Oaks, while everyone else went to Mountain View. By the time we all met up again in high school, somehow our paths never crossed. I don't remember having a single class with Josh. At least one friend from junior high dated him, and I saw him in plays, in school and once after, The Comedy of Errors.
I went with Jennie, so it would have been a mini-reunion. We should have tracked him down after the show. We didn't want to intrude.
I didn't know that was the last time I'd see him alive. How could I?
But you never do know.
One of the painful twists in this story is that the friend from whom I found out that Josh was gone, Erin (who was also in that 10th grade drama class, and was so funny) is gone now too. I never saw that coming either.
I should be very clear that there was never any hint of romance between Josh and I, but he was a really good friend. That's not just because he was there when I needed someone, but also because we had such fun, with plenty of weirdness, and he could throw himself all in, to anything you needed.
This feels very much like the end of Stand By Me now.
It's okay that we ended up walking different paths. I am more happy for what we had than upset that it didn't last, but I would have liked to have talked to him that night.
I really would have liked to see him in The True History of Coca Cola in Mexico. I did find video of The Adventures of Amyman and the Amazing Men -- I have seen him as Gilbert -- but I know there was a lot more to see, and I do feel that loss.
Our time here is precious and unpredictable. If you have something kind or loving or affirming to say, don't wait.
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