The time we have

I need to preface anything I write today by saying that yesterday we got hit with three deaths over the course of a few hours. Only one of them is really personal, but still...

I was writing about mortality anyway. I have been thinking about death. And yet, my thoughts are not focusing well today.

For the record, two of the deaths were definitely not COVID; I am not sure about the other.

Regardless, there are families that are grieving today. 

I am religious and faithful. Part of what that means for me is that I believe in life after death, and that we will all get to see each other again. Animals too.

I feel pretty sure about that, and that works well for me. Without that, I think there would be all of this existential dread and I wouldn't know what to do with it. 

There was a point in the care giving where I was thinking about death a lot, but it was preparing for my mother to die. It was mainly about things that would need to be done and being ready to get them done so I could make everything go as smoothly as possible for everyone else. I wanted to minimize the pain.

In terms of thinking about my emotions about losing her, that didn't seem like as much of an issue. It will hurt, just as the extent to which she is lost to us while still living now hurts, but that separation will also only be temporary.

That also means that I view my own death as something that would be a transition, but ultimately be a positive one.

None of that makes it not hurt.

Does it make it hurt less? Does it even make it hurt differently? I am not sure.

There are families grieving today.

We do not know how much time we have.

In a way, this is not really that different from yesterday's post, where you have to make your time align with your values as much as possible.

It is important to value people.

It is important that it shows in the way you treat them, so they know that you value them. 

It's important to clear the air if that is what is needed. It is important to say things you feel.

Sometimes people are toxic, and the choices aren't ideal, but that unknown limit on time is also a part of that choice.

And it is really important to not live your life in a way that you are cutting other people's time short with your own rotten behavior and capitalist greed. 

No, this post is not about COVID, yet thinking about those grieving families, and knowing that there have been 641,000 US COVID death, and 4.53 million globally, and how many of those could have been avoided...

What is wrong with people?

Mortality is hard and it is also precious. 

Don't be the one cutting it short.