Wisdom from Audre Lorde and A Burst of Light

There were two specific quotes that drew me to Audre Lorde and A Burst of Light:

“Caring for myself is not an act of self-indulgence, it is self-preservation, and that is an act of political warfare.”

“I just know I must not surrender my body to others unless I completely understand and agree with what they think should be done to it... I know I can broaden the definition of winning to the point where I can’t lose.”

Caring for myself has been something I have been struggling with since I have realized it was something I needed to do. I can't even count the years before when it didn't seem relevant. 

Then, feeling so frustrated with my health and my health care, and knowing that sometimes the things that I needed were not an option, being able to redefine what "winning" could mean seemed like my only hope.

Lorde is an amazing writer, thinking deeply and crafting her words carefully. I might have responded to A Burst of Light no matter what, but timing was important. I needed it when it came to me. That it was decades after it was originally written is interesting, but only crucial in that it made it possible for it to be there.

For Lorde, living with metastasized cancer resulted in clarity. She cherished what she loved more, and was able to recognize what was important and to cast off what was not important. If Sister Outsider teaches about harnessing anger, A Burst of Light may be more about transcending it, even though the causes for anger are still there, and still being fought.

I recognized her as a kindred spirit when her diagnosis sent her to Barnes & Noble to read everything that she could about liver cancer. I recognize the deliberate attempt to live by one's values. 

I am not good at self-care.

I hope to learn. There were three quotes that seem to give a kind of formula, not exact, but important. 

I am going to treat them in reverse order.

“Another secret is to find some particular thing your soul craves for nourishment – a different religion, a quiet spot, a dance class – and satisfy it. That satisfaction does not have to be costly or difficult. Only a need that is recognized, articulated, and answered.” p.123

This should be the easiest, but may be the easiest to feel guilty about instead, which seems vaguely unfair. 

“One secret is to ask as many people as possible for help, depending on all of them and on none of them at the same time. Some will help, others cannot. For the time being.” p. 122 

We know that asking for help is difficult, but what if we did it this way? So frequently and commonly, that none of the requests had to be desperate? There is even hope built in, that requests now may come to fruition later.

 “The energies I gain from my work help me neutralize those implanted forces of negativity and self-destructiveness that is white America's way of making sure I keep whatever is powerful and creative within me unavailable, ineffective, and nonthreatening.” p. 118

There is some fortune in being able to support yourself by work that nurtures you.

That was a dream for a long time, that has been put to rest. However, there are other things I do. I must give some of that time to my creativity and my power.

That is, of course, an important reason to keep up with this blog, which appears to be the main kind of writing that I can manage now, and which I hope does some good. 

That leads to another quote:

 “Most of all I think of how important it is for us to share with each other the powers buried within the breaking of silence about our bodies and our health, even though we have been schooled to be secret and stoical about pain and disease. But that stoicism and silence does not serve us nor our communities, only the forces of things as they are.”

There are so many things we are not supposed to talk about: talking about money is vulgar and talking about our bodies is embarrassing and admitting our vulnerabilities is dangerous. It keeps injustice strong and leaves us oppressed and lonely.

I have my honesty and openness. They were not built up overnight but they are strong. That is what I can give, because it is mine.

That is what I will continue to do.