Read: Loveless and Gender Queer

On a post from July 13th, I mentioned that I needed to read Maia Kobabe's Gender Queer: A Memoir. I finished it July 22nd.

https://sporkful.blogspot.com/2022/07/reading-banned-books.html

Reading it was part of my interest in challenged books, but getting to it that soon also reflects a personal change in how I do things. If I am interested in a book and the library has it, I usually request it right away now, rather than adding it to the list. 

I mention that as a point of interest. In previous years no matter how many books I had read, the number on my To Read list didn't move, because I kept adding more. This year, my To Read list only has twenty additions from this year, and I have still made progress on the older items. I probably am more organized, but that immediate commitment makes a difference as well.

The other pertinent book was Loveless by Alice Oseman, finished on May 3rd.

I don't remember seeing anything about challenges to Loveless. I wouldn't have been surprised, but I think I just saw it on Goodreads or maybe Twitter and thought it seemed interesting.

I read books in groups because I think it helps me notice themes and make associations. Requesting books as they come up can make the order less deliberate, but things still work out.

Gender Queer is a memoir of Maia Kobabe, focusing on coming to terms with being nonbinary and asexual, while Loveless is a novel with an asexual but cisgender protagonist, Georgia.

My point goes beyond the obvious connection.

One turning point for Maia was finding pronouns that felt right, discovering and adopting Christine Elvorson's e/em/eir, and finding someone else who also used them.

In the other post, I wrote about the relief it could be to find out that you were not the only one. That played a role, but this went beyond relief; finally something felt right!

The other turning point for Maia was a change in dress, inspired by Johnny Weir. 

Previously uncomfortable leaning into femininity, Maia had tended toward very nondescript clothing. Maybe it was gender-neutral, but that could be overshadowed by how color neutral and flair neutral it was. Maybe that wasn't the truest reflection of self, but it seemed like the only possible self.

I may be projecting some there; it's been months since I read the book, and I have my own issues with choosing inoffensive, incognito dress, even if for different reasons.

For Maia, it was amazing to find ways to implement color and patterns and interest, not trying to be something e was not, so finding more fully what e was and is. A flamboyant man pointed in a direction, but it was Maia's own path. That's beautiful.

Referring once more to the banned books post, I had written how as much value as there is for people seeing themselves represented in book, there is also great importance in seeing others represented and understanding them better. 

In Loveless, part of Georgia's journey is finding other people like her, but another part is her friends trying to help her be "normal" by encouraging experimentation. That ends up causing a lot of embarrassment and hurt feelings.

It's not that Georgia was unwilling to try. She loves rom-coms and shipping fanfiction; how can romance not be something she is going to feel for herself? And how many people would even expect that being asexual and aromantic could be a thing?

That journey is important, but there was something else there.

Once Georgia was able to accept that romance could not be her be-all, end-all, she was able to do some very special things to show her friends that she loved them. Her life was not without love, but society  puts a lot of emphasis on that one type. Finding your way to romance can be a long and lonely haul. 

What if you didn't need that to have your day?

This has been a meandering post, I know. The reason for that is because it is bouncing back and forth between multiple things that are important but different. Let me try and sum up:

• Diverse books are important for those represented therein.
• Diverse books are important for those not represented therein.
• Strict enforcement of patriarchy hurts those who do not conform by their gender and sexuality.
• Strict enforcement of patriarchy also hurts the straights.

There is so much joy available if we don't chase it away.