There was one thing I kept noticing as I read the memoirs; it always seemed to be around the age of four that the difference was noticed.
Sometimes the writer had very clear memories, and sometimes it came from parents or grandparents, but the age was very consistent.
Adding to that this refrain from Believe Me, about knowing but not knowing the words.
It is very hard to feel that something about yourself is wrong, and to not understand. I don't want anyone to go through that.
Because of that, I like that there are both children's books and books geared more toward teens:
My Princess Boy by Cheryl Kilodavis, Suzanne DeSimone
I Am Jazz by Jessica Herthel, Jazz Jennings, Shelagh McNicholas
Laverne Cox (Little People, Big Dreams, 86) by Maria Isabel Sánchez Vegara and Olivia Daisy Coles
Laverne Cox (Transgender Pioneers) by Erin Staley
The two on Laverne Cox are parts of series that cover many people. With I Am Jazz and My Princess Boy, those are coming out of family experience, but they are different experiences.
Jazz is very much a girl. It appears that the princess boy is not, he simply likes dressing in princess clothes. Maybe that will change as he gets older. One thing that we have frequently seen with the adults is that they reveal themselves in stages, perhaps testing the waters and seeing if they can be accepted.
We can do a lot to remove those concerns by being accepting and making that information available.
The common conservative objection is that you don't want to give them ideas. I know they hate changing their minds based on the lived experiences of others, but that lived experience demonstrates clearly that it does not come from them being given ideas. No amount of ignorance is going to keep someone from knowing.
I did wonder how much of it is cultural. It seems clear that the gender identity is already present before four years old, but that is where they begin noticing and remembering the mismatch. I looked up the case of Dominican children where male primary sex organs did not develop until puberty, due to an enzyme deficiency:
https://www.bbc.com/news/magazine-34290981
They did not explore that part a lot, but it appears the real age of conflict there was five, not a big difference.
I can't help but think that if we did not put so much emphasis on conformity to gender norms -- which is very wrapped up in patriarchy and misogyny -- we could make everyone's life easier. It would not change their gender identity; it would just help them navigate things better, and make decisions that would make their life easier.
That's worth a lot.
We need lots and lots of books.
Related posts:
https://sporkful.blogspot.com/2022/12/read-loveless-and-gender-queer.html
https://sporkful.blogspot.com/2023/11/transgender-awareness-reading.html
https://sporkful.blogspot.com/2023/11/transgender-awareness-reading-memoirs.html
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