Auughhhh!

Based on the subject matter, maybe that should be a primal scream, but it is really more of a Charlie Brown scream.

Maybe I should have said "Good grief!"

We have been thinking about the Great Pumpkin recently.

I am not doing worse than anyone else.

I have fallen behind on blogging; that's for sure.

It is only partially being busy. There is also just a level where being able to write coherently is a lot to ask because there is too much going on, with worse news happening all the time and knowing that various things are going to be bad but not knowing when they are going to hit or how they will hit or how they will interact with the other things, with caring about others and selves and so much dishonesty and viciousness but also so much that it's not so much vicious as really ignorant and petty, but there could be a good person inside there if they hadn't gotten so much caught up in the wrong understanding of a reasonable concept....

It's tiring, you know?

I know I am not the only one going through this.

My desire to be Ms. Fix-it is not particularly useful right now.

I mean, I learned a while ago that sometimes people need you to listen more than they need solutions, because really they have to make their own solutions; they just need to feel supported.

Okay, but...

1. A lot of this doesn't really have solutions, so they can't get there on their own.
2. There is still some mental load, except maybe that's because we have the same concerns and so there's this cycle going on.

What to do?

Lots of things, depending on which you need most, which can vary greatly from moment to moment.

For me, a part of the frustration is that there are a lot of things that I have already written about, except they keep coming together in new ways, but also it is all just a lot. 

1. Can I make something coherent?
2. If I do, will it matter?

I don't usually do lists on my blog. I do them on paper all the time, and also sometimes in text files, documents, and spreadsheets, depending.

Part of that is removing items from your cognitive load, and it is valuable.

There's one tip for you: write things down!

Insight in to me: I really want to be helpful and I have severe doubts about the amount of help that is possible and that can be possibly done by me.

For what it's worth, all of those feelings and pulls have some grief in them too, though I am not sure if it is good. Maybe that's just a question of what I do with it.

Anyway, that is disjointed and I know it, but I am still here.

There are things that are good. My sisters and I have some fun things coming up. I love my cats. I think one of the pumpkin plants is pretty sure to live and another one might. (Long story there.)

I am making reasonably good progress in school, though graduating by the end of the year will still take a lot of work.

This money I have been waiting on appears to be on the way (though probably not before I accrue another late charge). 

And so much of that would have been the case anyway if we as a nation had not had the worst, most corrupt, narcissistic, spiteful, incapable of any intellectual exertion and racist president and then put him back in office. 

But he still makes it so much worse.