Karaoke

I'm supposed to do karaoke tomorrow night. Well, I will be at the place for sure, because I organized it. The "supposed to" part is that I am just not sure how the turnout will be, and if the environment does not seem supportive enough I may not sing. Anyway, it seems like a good time for my theory of karaoke.

I am not an expert at all, but I have overanalyzed it in the same way that I overanalyze everything else, and I have some thoughts.

My main thought is that it kind of doesn't matter whether you sing well or not--you just need to own the song. This should involve you liking the song. My first karaoke experience was not great because I could not find any good songs. The book we were looking at was listed by song titles, and that's a horrible way to try and find something. Having done this a few times since, I now know that there was quite possibly another book there with them listed by artist, but I ended up just settling on "There is a Light that Never Goes Out" which is my favorite Smiths song (for what that's worth), but I feel like the meter is a little weird, and it's not very melodic.

It helps when there is a strong melody to the song. With songs that are more spoken than sung, it's hard to sound right. This is why, even though I do like Dashboard Confessional's "Hands Down", I never choose it, and I think I would regret it.

I have done "Vindicated" which is also Dashboard Confessional, and it was not horrible, but it was not great. I tend to gravitate toward male singers because my voice is low, but somehow when I am singing louder, my voice starts getting higher, so what works when I am singing to myself may not work when I am singing to people. The last time I went, I kind of surprised myself by singing "Never Forget You" by the Noisettes, and it worked. Someone sang Cee-Lo Greene's (well, really Gwyneth Paltrow's version) "Forget You", and it put me in mind of the song, and I just felt like I could go for it, and it worked out.

Of course, a lot may vary depending on venue. That time, I was at Voicebox with coworkers, so there were just seven of us in the room, and it was pretty casual. This may help shy singers feel more comfortable, and more daring. The downside is that we would have some pauses in between while people were deciding what to do.

On the other hand, the time before that was at Galaxy, and man, they take it seriously there. Everyone seemed to have a really good voice, or choreography, or boundless energy. The DJ was great, and you could hear some good stuff, but it was also a bit intimidating, and I wouldn't go there as a first-timer. I did sing, but I felt kind of lame. The crowd was supportive, but that’s typical.

Ultimately, I don't know that I am really a musical performer. I do stand-up every now and then, and I like entertaining people with words, but I tend to be better at appreciating music than doing it. And yet, I really like to sing. And it feels better when you sing loud, and karaoke is a chance to do that where it is totally socially acceptable. I will sometimes sing at the bus stop when there is nothing around but speeding cars, or walking down the road, but most of the time there is someone around, and singing loud makes you a bit of a fruitcake. In karaoke, this is endorsed.

I’m not sure what I will do tomorrow night. I have been wanting to try Counting Crows "Accidentally in Love", or maybe Barenaked Ladies "Falling for the First Time".

Actually, I do very much want to do My Chemical Romance "I'm Not Okay" (Old School Version, no F-word), but I have a funny feeling that when I do finally go for it, I won't have any voice for three days. Do you know how hard it is to mime smart-aleck remarks? It completely throws off the timing. Torture!

Jacob 5 – 7
13172 steps

Quibbling

I sometimes think that I should made my user name "Sporadic" instead of "sporktastic". Of course, when I was setting up the blog, I had no idea how I would be. One project that was keeping me very busy is completed now, so that is nice, though there is always a long waiting list.

Anyway, one thing I was thinking about was vocabulary. You may think of me as having a fairly good one, and that is pretty true but there is a weak area in that I learn most of my words from reading, and I often have poor instincts on how they should be pronounced.

This came up recently when for some reason I used the word "sadist". (It totally made sense in context.) Now, I have actually heard people pronounce this with a long "a" (SAY-dist), so I should be okay on it, but I have also read "A Wrinkle in Time", which refers to IT as the "happiest sadist", (pronounced SADD-est), and said that most people pronounced it wrong. So I was corrected, but common, this is a Newberry Award winner! If I can't trust Madeline L'Engle, who can I trust?

Now it was bugging me, so the next resource was the dictionary. Surprisingly, they gave two correct pronunciations, though it looked like the one was more sod than sad, as in Marquis Du Sade-ist. This led me to greatly doubt Ms. L'Engle.

(I had a similar issue with “sloth”, which my father insisted should be pronounced with a long “o”, and the dictionary does give that as an alternative, but no one ever says it that way. As it is, I feel like I am saying it wrong regardless of how I say it, when really, I am right no matter how I say it.)

Going back to the original issue, I also had to wonder if SAY-dist was never really wrong, or if it has just gained acceptance. After all, language changes and evolves based on usage all the time. There is a dictionary entry for "irregardless" now, though they admit it is non-standard.

That would be one reason to accept either pronunciation, or all three if we could get more people to use it, but I hate it when errors become accepted through common use. I get that ignorance is really democratic, but I still always feel like ignorance should be refudiated (sic).

The comic "Frazz" helpfully came through for me with a storyline about someone using the word "penultimate" instead of "ultimate", but then getting it correct. First, let me say that a lot of these errors come from people trying to dress up what they say, when speaking simply but correctly is always more effective. But I digress.

Anyway, in the June 9th strip, Miss Plainwell compliments Mrs. Olsen on admitting her mistake.

Mrs. Olsen: Eh. All I have to do is wait. If people misuse a word or phrase long enough it just gets absorbed into the language.

Miss Plainwell: Evolution isn't like a license.

Mrs. Olsen: I could care less.

Indeed.


2 Nephi 33 - Jacob 4
11803 steps

Walk this way

I decided to start giving my daily steps instead of minutes exercised for a while.

Regence has various programs it does throughout the year, and we have just started the Summer Games, where we are tracking our steps via pedometers, so right now I am really focusing on my steps.

I am still doing periods of concentrated walking, because taking time to exercise is very important, but it is pretty much always going to be walking through July 17th, and I thought maybe it would be more interesting to see how many steps than how many minutes walking. Once the games are over, I hope to start working some biking and swimming into my exercise, especially now that I have a beautiful extra day off.

I don’t want to spend a lot of time on this, though, because I need to get into bed. Tomorrow is the Grand Floral Walk (four miles), and I want to get a good night’s rest.

12075 steps
2 Nephi 15 - 23

My first extra day off

We are trying a pilot program at work where people are working four 10-hour days instead of fivc 8-hour days. Based on reasoning that had a lot to do with the dogs (surprising, I know), I chose Thursday as my off day. This is the first week.

I love the idea, and I was working four 10’s when I first started at Intel back in 1997. One thing I learned is that there are a lot of things that are easier to get done on weekdays than on weekends, so I became a fan of the extra day then. What I have learned since then is that I do not get much done on workdays other than work anyway. It just drains me enough, and there is not time to get anything started really. An extra day should be helpful there too. Of course the days that I have are longer, and I have to get up earlier, but there are still definite advantages.

Today I did get some pruning done, and washed Julie’s car, and I did exfoliate and deep condition my hair. I did not color my hair, shave, or research publishers. Dinner did get made, but I also intended to assemble dinner for tomorrow so it could just go in the oven, and that did not happen. It’s an okay start, but there is room for improvement.

Pretty much like always.

40 minutes pruning
2 Nephi 6 - 14

The Knee Replacement, Part 2

I did not intend for this to be a two-parter, but I left out a really important point, and then I keep remembering more. Oddly, forgetfulness is part of why this was an issue for us. I sat in on all of Mom's appointments, because she often tends to forget key details (well, my sisters and I debate whether it is forgetting or not catching in the first place, but that's a whole other issue), and we felt we needed a second pair of ears.

Your parent may have a fantastic memory and a firm grasp of details, but they are older, they are getting a lot of information, and it is even more personal for them, where even a close, loving relative may be able to be more impartial. Again, there are just more emotions tied up in all of this than you would expect. Maybe it's because getting a joint replacement tends to mean they're old, they are doing it because they are experiencing chronic pain, and the path out of that pain involves more pain, money, and some risk. It's a lot for one person.

I will give one example. I wrote yesterday about how my mother does not have great range of motion, and her therapist was goading her about it. Naturally, we brought it up on a follow-up visit to see where we should be, and if we should be doing anything differently.

That was where we found out that the surgery does not tend to increase range of motion, but we discussed that Mom was able to do what she wanted for the most part that way. She's probably not going to hop on a bike any time soon, but she can drive and walk and do things around the house and yard. So, the Physician's Assistant said we had three options. First, since Mom was pretty happy, we could do nothing, and leave it as it was. Second, we could switch to outpatient therapy and see if they could accomplish more that way. They have more equipment there, which allows more options, and also that meant Mom was going back to Randy at Aloha Physical Therapy, whom she liked, and not dealing with the visiting therapist anymore, whom she did not like. (Physical therapists seem to often have a bit of a complex about not being doctors, and can be a little overbearing as a way of compensating. At least I assumed that's what was going on when she was talking about how she knows more than doctors about these things.) Anyway, we decided to go with outpatient therapy.

The third option was that Mom could go back into the hospital, go under anesthesia again, and they could try bending her knee to break up some of the scar tissue. If we were going to go that route, we would need to do it soon, because the longer you put it off the harder the scar tissue becomes, and that increases the risk of causing damage to the bones while doing it.

At the office, we agreed to go with outpatient therapy, got an order written for it, as well as a new prescription for drugs to assist with the extra therapy sessions. However, the thought of going back into the hospital freaked Mom out so badly that she did not remember anything else that was said in that conversation. Sure, she participated in it, but only on the service. On the inside she was remember how woozy she had been, and being away from home, and cold, and every thing that was bad about the experience (just for being at the hospital--they were good to her and did a good job). Fortunately, I had pieces of paper that proved we had chosen another option, so she had to believe me.

I think I am closer to actually done now, but the range of motion issue makes another point. When you have flexibility, it is important to keep it. If you start experiencing joint pain, don't stop moving just so you don't feel it. You will probably still feel it, and then you can lose the ability to move. In retrospect, she should have done the surgery much sooner. We have a tendency to play through the pain and just keep going however you can manage, and there are good things about it, but sometimes you need to be smart about it too.
I do want her to start tai chi after we get the other surgery out of the way, and maybe even if she can't build much flexibility up for her knees, it can help keep those hips and shoulders limber. It's nice that the replacements are available, but better not to need them.

To be fair, I don't know that she could have afforded the surgery before she got on Medicare, via Humana. I have to give high praise to them. Mom is getting the best care of her life now, and I really appreciate that.

It's also worth mentioning that the way we managed home care was that Julie worked from home for several weeks. Mom was able to walk right away, but slowly, and it helped to have someone there for some waiting on her, but also to be able to attend to the dogs. They complicate everything.

20 minutes walking outside
1 Nephi 22 - 2 Nephi 5

A Guide to your Parent's Knee Surgery

Yesterday Mom set the wheels in motion for her next knee replacement, so it seems like a good time to cover the first go-round.

I suppose we waited too long in the first place. She had gotten to where she was in so much pain that it was really affecting where she went and how much she did, and she had a lot of days that were just miserable. She did get some physical therapy, and cortisone shots a few times, but they were only temporary helps, and her orthopedist told her flat out that there was nothing else he could do for her--she needed to get surgery. The x-rays showed bone grinding on bone in both knees, so there's a limit to how much you can mask that.

Our first appointment was November 14th, and the surgery was scheduled for December 21st. That's a bit of a wait, but at least where we did it (which was through OHSU, with Doctor Huff), they do an MRI to get precise measurements and then a firm custom makes the implant, which takes about a month.

The other thing we needed to do was a pre-surgery appointment where a doctor not involved in the surgery assesses whether the patient is a good candidate for surgery--so questions about previous reactions to anesthesia, testing the heart rate, looking at overall medical history, etc. I found out, which I had not known before, that Mom did have a bad reaction to anesthesia the last time she was in the hospital. However, that was 1977, and the field has changed so much since then that those results were probably irrelevant. On the same day Mom met with a physical therapist to talk about after-care, and a physician's assistant to cover any last minute concerns.

One thing we have been asked a lot is why we did not do both knees at the same time. We did ask about that in the first appointment, and there is a really good reason for it. Your biggest risks with any surgery are infection, breathing problems, or clots/stroke. It turns out that your risk for all three is more than doubled by doing both knees at once. It's a huge strain on the body, you are under anesthesia longer, and you have more entry points for infection. Also, it is very important to get the patient moving around soon after surgery because the new joint needs to be used to get it working well. Having one good leg makes this a lot easier.

We knew the day of the surgery more than a month in advance, but you don't learn the time until right before, because there could be cancellations or reschedulings, and actually, even with our 1:00 time when we got it, someone else cancelled that day and we were called to see if we could get in earlier.

The time change was not a big issue, but perhaps just one more area of uncertainty. That being said, we are now at the really grueling portion of the story. So, if you have something like this coming up, this part may be the most helpful.

All four daughters had the day off. Maria and Julie had dental appointments, and then were going to go watch the dogs. This is not a frivolous thing. A major part of Mom's worry was leaving the dogs alone, and she kept saying not to visit her but to just take care of the dogs. She thought she meant it, but she also got very lonely in the hospital, so it was just something we needed to balance, and I knew it would be that way. Misty was the driver, of course, but she hates hospitals and did not want to come in, so I was the only one there. I thought that this was fine, because some company can be worse than no company depending on the situation, and just waiting around the hospital for several hours seemed like enough of a waste of time that you should not have multiple people doing it, but, yeah, I did not know what it would be like.

Much like surgery times, they don't assign a room until the surgery is over, so there is nowhere to put the stuff. I had really not thought about this part.

I had my coat backpack with me, and in my naive mind I imagined myself dividing my time between writing out Christmas cards, reading, and taking little walks through the halls. However, I ended up also having Mom's coat and cane, the bag we packed for her, and the bag the hospital gave us for putting all her clothes in. It was a lot of stuff, and carting it around was not really practical, so I ended up being glued to the waiting room. I left once to go to the bathroom, asking the concierge to watch the pile, but that was it. I would have needed food, but Julie and Maria had thrust a bag of mint meltaways at me as a backup, and I ended up having, I guess it was two or three an hour, just to keep me going. Yes, I realize that was less than ideal. If you have someone else with you, you can all take turns watching the stuff.

I did not take any walks or write out any Christmas cards. I did read, and I was lucky that I had a gripping new book (If You Really Loved Me, by Ann Rule). Starting it in that room, and going on through hours of surgery interrupted by worry and phone calls, I read close to 300 pages. I don't think I actually got over 300 until I was on the train.

The other thing I was not prepared for, and where company could help (the right company, anyway), is the emotional toll. Mom was really scared, and once she was prepped for surgery--covered only in a thin gown and with the drugs starting to take effect--she was very vulnerable, and I had to leave her, and wonder about her. That was followed by hours of waiting (two more hours than planned, actually), and every time my phone went off someone was asking for information I did not have, because I had not gotten any updates (incidentally, cell phone use in hospitals is okay now, except maybe in cardiac wards), and when the doctor finally did come and tell me it was done and Mom was okay, despite the fact that I had no reason to think it would not be okay, and was totally expecting it to be okay, I burst into tears.

Still, seeing my mother be weak and vulnerable was not over. She was very groggy in the room, and looking very frail. It was so late by then I could not stay long, and she was not that alert anyway, but at least I was able to drop her stuff off.

I was completely drained, and somehow I still needed to get myself home and get myself some food. The cafeteria was long closed, as well as the gift shop. It occurred to me that my easiest route was to take the tram to the streetcar, get off at the MAX line, and eat somewhere right there so I did not have to do any more transfers or walking, which is why I ate at Maya’s Taqueria.

Getting some solid food, and protein, into me did help, but I was still really tired. My emotions had been through the wringer, and somehow the fact that the surgery is very normal and went fine did not help.

Let me tell you, the emotional toll does not stop there. For one thing, there was waiting to find out when we would get Mom back, and making sure she got a visit and phone calls every day. This was partly our misunderstanding. We had originally heard 2-3 days, but they will only do the 2 days if the patient is going to a rehab facility. Since we were going straight home, they needed to be sure that she could do various things, and for a while it looked like it might be four days. As it was, we brought her home on Christmas Eve.

Then there was the recovery period. Your parent will have a lot of residual pain. An associate doctor predicted that six weeks after, Mom would be really mad at him, but by eight weeks she would wish she had done it sooner. That was pretty much how it went.

There is also a continuous round of icing, elevation, and exercising. Our mother was not a good patient for this. We reminded her, we wrote up a schedule, and yet she only really started taking it seriously when I got really mad at her and gave up on her, and then she was going to show me. I did sort of do it because I suspected it would work that way, but I was also sincerely mad.

You do need to have realistic expectations. The surgery is for taking away the pain, but generally does not improve flexibility. Most patients have a greater range of motion than our mother did, who has been carrying herself stiffly for some time. Getting rid of the pain was wonderful, but the visiting therapist was really ragging on the range of motion.

That is one thing that I think we should have done differently. After several weeks of home visits, we switched to outpatient physical therapy, which was more helpful. I think we should have done that sooner, maybe after three weeks.

I do think the second knee will go better. First of all, it is familiar this time. We know what we are getting into, what it looks like, and what we need to do. In addition, the weather is warmer and the days are lighter, which should make things less gloomy. We did the first one around Christmas because, of our two choices, that was the one where everyone had time off. It did work, but Christmas feels like it didn’t happen, and also, Mom was cold all the time. Also, the first time Mom’s recovery was hampered by the other knee being bad, but this time all joints should be working (unless her hips or shoulders start going out).

I’m pretty sure I will end up alone at the hospital again, so all I can really do is pack lighter. She did not use a single thing in her overnight bag that night, and don’t think she used it the next day either, so maybe it can be brought the following day. She should not need a coat. The cane will be necessary, but I will not bring anything but my purse and a book. I am planning on Green River, Running Red (Ann Rule again).

For Mom’s clothes, the family does not have to keep the bag, but it improves the odds of nothing getting lost or stolen. I will probably keep it with me, but if that is all I have it should not be so bad.

For the emotional aspects, I am just hoping that familiarity will make it better this time. There are a few less stressors in my life than there were then, and I have learned some things about my ability to handle it all, but that is actually going to be another blog post. Being able to plan helps, and that’s why I share. Well, it’s one reason anyway.

35 minutes walking outside
1 Nephi 16-21

Not as planned

So, I had just started reading my scriptures, and the phone rang, and I ended up talking to a friend for over an hour. However, I did walk for 25 minutes at lunch.

My Native American Heritage reading month

So, yes, this should have been for November 2010, and it ended up really going from January to May of 2011, with multiple interruptions. We already covered why that happens, and actually, it is a good thing that it happens. I find that a lot of the books that I feel I need to read end up wearing me down a little. I do think it is important to know about societal problems, but then you know about the problems, the impact, and the difficulty of fixing them, and often I end up kind of sick of humanity. So, if I can have that interspersed with some light-hearted fiction and comical narratives, it helps me maintain an even keel.

When I started planning these reading months, back in February 2010, that Black History month consisted of several books that I had been meaning to read for a long time. There were two books (The Slave Community and Time on the Cross) that I owned from browsing at the PSU bookstore, which would have happened while I was working at Clear Connections, which would have been in either 1995 or 1996. I had started browsing through “I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings” in the Knight Library at U of O the summer after my first year there, so that was 1991. Finally, my friend Rose had recommended “Beloved” to me back when the movie had come out in 1998, when I was still fairly new at Intel. So really, I was overdue to read them all.

The creation of the Native American reading list had some similar origins. I had first intended to read A Century of Dishonor back in junior high. We had to create newspapers for various years, there was a passage in the textbook about this book coming out. I wanted to read it, but could not find a copy. I did find Helen Hunt Jackson’s novel Ramona in our library, and ended up reading that. My newspaper had a blurb about one of the books coming out, along with other relevant articles. I think it was Ramona, for 1884, and in the blurb I mentioned her previous book from 1881. You know, 25 years later, the details get a little fuzzy.

Bury My Heart at Wounded Knee was just one I had always heard of, and of course I first heard of Open Veins of Latin America when Hugo Chavez gave a copy to President Obama, but reading a little more about it made it seem worth reading—regardless of any issues with Chavez.

Finally, when 500 Nations came out, it got good reviews, and I had been interested. It was not strictly a book of course, but I spent six hours on it, and there’s nothing wrong with some multimedia.

Being fairly recent, 500 Nations was probably the only one that did not suffer with age. I already mentioned that Jackson’s book is from 1881, and the other two are from the 1970s.

I read Bury My Heart at Wounded Knee first, and initially it felt a little abrasive. Of course we get that it was wrong, and that in many ways the Indians were maligned. Then I remembered, in that time period, it was not an “of course”. This book was groundbreaking, and had an influence, and could be worth reading for that reason alone. And it did turn out to be pretty even-handed.

It was not what I expected at all. I initially thought it was a narrative account of Wounded Knee specifically, when actually it covers many events and many tribes. Perhaps because of that, it took me a while to get into it, but I did, and it was really good.

A Century of Dishonor covered very similar ground, with a lot of overlap, but there are some key differences. Jackson started with a legal argument for the property rights of the Indians based on the earliest treaties. Brown does not make those kinds of arguments, probably because he assumes that as you get to know these people and what happened, you will feel the immorality of the treatment of the Indians, regardless of points of law.

In addition, so much of Hunt’s argument focuses on the response to Christianity of the Indians as they converted and started to adopt the ways of the whites, where Brown would appear to want them left more to their own culture. I’m saying this clumsily, but it totally makes sense that one book is by an elderly devout maternal woman of the late nineteenth century, and that one is by a probably left-leaning librarian who had recently been through the sixties.

One other key difference is that Brown was writing when it was all over. Jackson still believed things could be turned around. Brown’s title made sense, because the Battle of Wounded Knee was the last major confrontation between the natives and the military. It was done. Jackson was dead before Wounded Knee happened, and it would have broken her heart.

Probably the most important thing to take from the books is seeing how many times the various tribes had to start over, and then be moved again. They reached a point where they began to be afraid to make any efforts. That, and the removal of children from their families may be the crux of a lot of the problems that they face today.

Interestingly, I ended up seeing two plays during this time period that related, which would not have happened if I had actually gotten it done in November. One was Ghosts of Celilo, which is specifically about some children who were taken away to school, and what happens with them, and also the adults who got them there. There are parts where it is a little clunky, but it was still very moving, and of course it added to my reading.

The other was One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest, which I did not even think would relate, but the reason Chief Bromden is in there has a lot to do with what has happened to his people, and his father’s role in that. Anyway, that all worked well.

For 500 Nations, the part that interested me most was that on the Mound Builders, which did not go into as much detail, but November will come around again. You know, or May, because of that easily distracted thing.

Finally, Open Veins of Latin America. Again, age may be an issue. One of Galeano’s complaints is how the Western World pushes birth control on his people, and I am a big believer in letting women control their own fertility as something that helps families escape poverty. But one thing the age of the book does do is let me hope that things have gotten better, because there are some awful things in it, and they come from greed, and it really shows the evils of colonialism, and explains how the US was different. Really, really fascinating book, and richly written. This book has inspired some passionate devotion, and I can see why. It can be a good companion piece to “How Europe Underdeveloped Africa”, and it makes me wish I had tried harder with “Sweetness and Power”, even though it seemed unreadable. Well, maybe I will try it again some other year. And it really makes me wish I had seen Josh in “The True History of Coca Cola in Mexico”, but I have other reasons for that.

I have not decided what I will do next year (well, this year) yet. I feel like the story of what happened to the children sent away to school is important. How much of their identity was stripped away? Did they have children who don’t even know they are Indians? Rabbit-Proof Fence relates as well. Still, most of the books I have on my reading list are farther back in history. Still, I have some time to decide. I may read Windwalker, because I don’t mind a novel now and then if it captures things well, like Beloved, and maybe I will read 1491.

There is always more to know.


32 minutes walking outside
Alma 16-19 (with family)

One more thing

I can’t believe I forgot this, because it is so important, and it is very much a part of the whole bin Laden issue. I am very bothered by people who say this proves the efficacy of torture.

No. No. A thousand times no.

While some of the people who eventually provided useful information may have at some point been subjected to enhanced interrogation, the information that ended up leading to bin Laden did not. This is not a coincidence; this is how it works.

The enhanced interrogation techniques were developed based on training for increasing resistance to brainwashing. This cannot be stated enough.

The problem with any torture (beyond the moral considerations) are that people will often say anything to stop the pain, so if they don’t know the desired answers, or the truth is not believed, they will lie or make things up.

Beyond that, the specific methods that have been at issue, like waterboarding, are designed specifically to break a person down so that they will say what you program them to say. Useful, if reprehensible, if you need to propagate false information, but disastrous if you need accurate information to provide maximum results and safety.

This has been well documented, but it just doesn’t seem to matter. People still say it is a necessary tool. Maybe it’s because it always worked for Jack Bauer on “24”, but that was fiction, and the writers could make it come out how they wanted. When you really have 2 hours to find the ticking time bomb, you don’t have time to chase down a false lead, realize it is wrong, and correct. Torture is the last thing you should do.

Just needed to get that off my chest.

40 minutes walking outside
1 Nephi 9-16

Good Riddance

I was originally going to call this post Random Opinions, but I realized I had so much on Osama Bin Laden that I might as well put all of those together. The downside of being a procrastinator is, of course, that this is all old news, but I am just going to put it out there anyway.

First of all, I have no qualms whatsoever about the death. I feel it was completely justified. What he had already done previously was more than enough to be worthy of death, he was actively planning ways to bring more destruction, and while it really just seems lucky that there was resistance offered to justify killing rather than capturing, capturing would have been awful. Trials and sentences can be great, but I just imagine the rescue attempts, and demonstrations, and his increased demagoguery since he is no longer trying to stay hidden, and I think it is much better that such a can of worms was never opened. For that reason, I am also fine with burial at see, avoiding a new shrine, and it was nice that we followed Muslim customs.

Also, I have no problem with Pakistan not getting advance notice. There seem to be some good reasons for that. It is not normally how you treat an ally, but if you have doubts about how helpful your ally really is, well, it just makes good sense, and I can't help but think it would have been better if the one vehicle hadn't crashed so that no prisoners had been left in Pakistan. At least we got to take the computers.

For those who are critical of the operation, I disagree based on the reasons already given, and to Fidel Castro specifically, there is no way you can take the moral high ground on this one buddy. And I say as someone who feels that US policy on Cuba is wrong-headed and harmful, but no, you are just wrong and a hypocrite.

There are other things that do bother me of course. I understand, but do not agree, with the people who were celebrating it. I mean, we were appalled by the people celebrating the Twin Towers falling down, and yes, cheering the deaths of thousands who were just going about their day is worse than cheering the death of one mass-murderer and a handful of his help, but it still just seems tacky and low.

I also disagree with the people who were so quick to criticize the president. This happened in two ways. One was people saying that he was taking all the credit and glorifying himself. I disagree on that. I thought he seemed pretty balanced in crediting the different people involved. There were definitely some "I" statements, but I think a lot of that is the acceptance of the ultimate responsibility. For those who would criticize the raid happening at all, or how it was done, or that any respect to religious beliefs was paid regarding the burial, for all of that the buck does stop with the commander in chief, and he knows that, and if the information had been wrong, and he approved the raid anyway, that would have been a disaster and that would have been his responsibility too, so that does have to be acknowledged.

The other thing was I saw a bunch of Facebook statuses that the president didn't kill bin Laden, it was a soldier, and he was trying to cut their wages. No. The threatened government shutdown was coming from the Republican side. That is so twisted it is not even funny.

Less bothersome, but still kind of irritating, was the editing of the situation room picture by a Hasidic newspaper. Not being able to show any pictures of women ever, because they are too tempting for the men, is a horrible policy anyway, but if you must stick with that, then you just don't get to show the pictures. Sure, there's some serious loss there of impact and understanding, but the editing is a loss of integrity.

However, I do not have a problem with the code name Geronimo. First of all, part of code names is that they should not be immediately recognizable. So if it were codename "Hitler", "Arab Scum", or "Ultimate Evil", it would not be a very good code name. I really don't think it casts any aspersions on Geronimo himself. Both men were hunted for a long time, though for vastly different reasons, so it is not a completely unreasonable comparison in that sense. If you really need to take offense at something, and crusade against it, there are much better options.

33 minutes walking outside
1 Nephi 1-8

Living in perilous times

I don't actually know anyone who took the announce Rapture seriously, but a couple of months ago there was a different quack predicting a major West Coast earthquake for the week of March 21st, and that did make some people nervous. (The guy, Jim Berkland, actually does have some credentials, but I guess he's let it go to his head, and if you check his web site he is referring to 3.0 quakes as "major", so okay, that's one way of looking at it.)

Anyway, I rolled it over in my mind, because I certainly do believe that the Pacific Northwest is due for a major earthquake (for me that would be bigger than 3.0, however), and I believe we are at a time when we are going to see increasing natural disasters. Fortunately, I found that I feel pretty good about things.

I can't say that I am as prepared as I would like to be. I would like to have more food storage, have it be better organized, and have more space to put it. Honestly, we should probably have more water storage than we have. But we do have some, and that is helpful. We have flashlights, and batteries. We have a first aid kit. We could definitely be better about having every single member of the family ready to shut the gas off at a moment's notice, so that's something to work on, but the point is, the worst I have is things to work on, rather than abject fear and panic.

We had a similar situation a few months earlier. They were predicting heavy snow or ice, and I am sure all of the memories of those weeks spent homebound in 2008 contributed, but the stores were packed with people emptying the shelves. We were there because it was our normal shopping night, but I remember being glad that I did not have to panic--we had supplies. The only real concern I had was milk, and that is due as much to our rate of milk consumption varying as to milk being perishable.

I don't want to give the wrong impression. There are a lot of things that we could do better and I hope to continue to improve. My point is just that whatever preparation you do will be a comfort.

In my first aid class, I had this insight that I think a lot of my zeal for learning is because I feel like knowledge will help me keep situations from spiraling out of control, and I am wrong. There are a lot of wild cards out there, and you can't plan for everything. It doesn't matter how good I am at first aid if you get decapitated--I am not going to be able to fix that. Or if the blow to the head comes to me, again, I am no longer in charge of that situation.

That being said, ignorance isn't going to make anything better, and the more things that I am ready for, well, I guess it just improves the odds of a good outcome, and I will take that.

Finished June Ensign
Walked 21 minutes outside

Overbooked

I see it’s been almost a month since my last post. That doesn’t look promising.

Part of the problem is that I just have too much going on. There have been weeks where I had something going on every single night. Some things I have done since the last post are defrosting the freezer, attending music lessons, getting re-certified for first aid and CPR, packing green beans for the Oregon Food Bank, finishing three books, and learning more about extreme coupon-ing.

Some things I have meant to do but have not done include repainting the bathroom and replacing a couple things in it (well, it’s the shower drain and the toilet handle), fixing the door, creating entries for the Jelly Belly cupcake decorating contest, and taking my walk down Terwilliger. Plus, lots of blogging. I was pretty good about exercise, and on and off with scripture reading, but obviously there was no blogging.

At the same time, I have got to spend time with Karen, Jill, and Connie, and I will make time for other friends too. I have more things coming up.

Somewhere in all this there lies a balance, and finding it will be an amazing achievement when it happens.

20 minutes walking outside
Reading in June Ensign

I make myself sick -- literally!

I am always thinking about diet and exercise. I don't always make good decisions, obviously, but it is always in my mind. What that really means is that I should plan ahead, because when I don't know what to do I get stupid with indecision. Seriously, sometimes I have gone to lunch an hour later than planned because I just could not decide. I realize it's ridiculous, but it keeps happening.

The Wednesday before the Fanconi Anemia 5K (February 9th, to be precise), I had not packed a lunch, and it was important to me to get in a walk, because I was getting ready for a big walk. When I am buying lunch, my two favorite places are August Moon and Mandarin Cove. August Moon has really good food, with good prices on their lunch specials, but you need to allow a little bit of time to wait. Mandarin Cove is faster, because they have the food ready to go, only having one lunch special per day. However, on Wednesdays it is Mandarin Chicken, which they use wings for, and eating it is quite messy. I did not want to bother with that eating at my desk.

When I head out for a walk on lunch, going North is easy, East hits the river really quickly, and South and West give me a lot of uphill for a more vigorous workout. It occurred to me to walk uphill to Safeway. I think I had a forty-five minute lunch that day, so I was going to walk for thirty minutes, grab something there, then rush back and eat at my desk.

It was one of those plans that sounds reasonable but then doesn't work, because the lunchtime crowd was building up, and there were lines at the deli, and nothing ready to grab appealed to me, and then when I finally did just pick something the regular register lines were bad too.
I did not want to be late. I did not have cash for the machines. I did have to eat something.

Suddenly I had a brilliant idea. I would go back to work, but then on my last break I would run across to the buffet, fill a carton there, and eat that at my desk. That worked for timing and money, and I had eaten there before. If it was not great, it had not been terrible, and at least one coworker thought it looked good.

I ate at about 2:30, and worked until 6. For that last half hour, I was not feeling great. I was meeting my sisters and a friend for dinner, but Outback Steakhouse was not sounding so good when I felt like there were shards of broken glass churning in my stomach. I thought I could tough it out, by just not eating very much and drinking a Sprite to help things settle.

This is not going to be too graphic, but some people may want to check out now. Anyway, suddenly I really needed to go to the bathroom. I did, and I thought, okay, maybe that will be enough. I returned to the table, and in less than five minutes I needed to go back, and this time there was no sitting down.

My group was fine with leaving, so we took care of that, and I guess the most amazing thing of all is that I was able to remain quiet while we paid, left, during the car ride, and through my sisters' stop at, oh, I think it was Rite-Aid. That part is fuzzy. However, as soon as I walked in the door, I needed to dash to the bathroom again, and I have to say, this is the first time I have really understood what is meant by projectile vomiting. I mean, what I thought it meant seemed like an exaggeration, but now I understood why you would call it that, and it works.

I was quiet through the night, and had every intention of working the next day. I got up, showered, and was about to walk the dogs, but as you can imagine, my mouth was not feeling that fresh. I just wanted a small drink of water to rinse out a bit. That was a mistake. I didn't really think I had anything left to throw up, but I was wrong.

Well, I was still committed to walking the dogs, but after doing that I called in, got undressed, and went back to bed for several hours.

Around 2:30 or 3 (I guess that's why food poisoning is commonly called 24 hour flu), I was able to get up, and when my sisters brought home Little Caesar's for dinner (I know it's junk, but I was not cooking) I ate it without a qualm.

So, basically I was well again, and I worked Friday (and withdrew any recommendations for Cookie Cabana, which turned out to be unnecessary because I was not the only one who made that connection), but at the same time I was still feeling a little weakened. Jettisoning all nutrition along with copious fluids from your body will do that.

I still wanted to do the walk, and I prepared my supply kit (rain poncho, supplies for low blood sugar, etc.), but I did not make it down to pick up my packet Saturday, which meant an especially early departure time Sunday. I set my alarm, and I was really determined to go. I had said I would, and I am stubborn, but I especially did not want to miss this thing that I paid for just because I couldn't find time to make a lunch, or find the mental clarity to make a decision, four days earlier. But then when I woke up it was raining, and I was exhausted, and I surrendered on the spot. Maybe I have gotten a little less stubborn.

But I still say it was all very preventable.

Matthew 21 – 25
No real workout as I am trying to walk off a leg cramp from last night.

Walking with Gina

I just signed up for the Grand Floral Walk. This is the third organized walk I have signed up for, despite my continually changing my mind about whether to do them or not.

It started with a thought to do the Turkey Trot back in October. We can earn gift cards by participating in wellness activities, and that was one option. It sort of got into my mind that my sisters and I could do that. We are trying to be more fit, and we go on walks together. At the time we did not sign up, because it looked like Mom might be either in the hospital or recovering from surgery, but we did go for a walk that day.

Fast-forward a few months, and a coworker was looking for some kind of 5K before the Shamrock Run. I knew I had seen something, and found a run/walk for Fanconi Anemia on February 13th. I could find it because after realizing that the Turkey Trot was not going to work out, I was a little disappointed. However, I also walk by Foot Traffic on my way to the train, and I had started realizing that there are always different events going on.

Anyway, as I was passing on the information, I started thinking that I could do that. I had walked a 5K route before (the day after the actual event) so I knew I was physically capable. Why not try it?

So I signed up.

Almost immediately after that, someone started getting a group together for the Shamrock Run. I had just signed up for a 5K, and paid good money for it, so I did not originally intend to do it, but I gave in to peer pressure and suddenly, I was doing two walks exactly a month apart. I still kept seeing more events coming up, and I was thinking, I could do this all the time. Well, that was before I did one.

For reasons we will cover later, I did not do the February 13th event, so my first official 5K was the Shamrock Stride. Fortunately, as part of a group we got our numbers and shirts early, so I did not need to go down for check in, but could just show up at race time. This only eliminated some waiting around.

There were just so many people! One concern with the various events was that they all take place on Sunday, and since we are on the late schedule now I was sure I could get back in time for church, but we started forty-five minutes late because it took so long for all the 5K runners to get started. There were thousands of people in every event. It was 32000 total.

It was somewhat cool hanging out with my coworkers before the event (by the end of my walk, I had no idea where any of them were), and seeing the different costumes and things, and there was definitely a sense of solidarity and participation, and I definitely walked faster than usual, even if I was still slow compared to a normal person. Still, I came away thinking that it was silly to pay deal with a crowd. I didn’t regret doing it—I just wasn’t hungry for more.

However, the Grand Floral Walk is on a Saturday, and Regence sponsors it, and my coworker is telling me how fun it is, and then you get good seats for the parade, which normally I would not feel a need to watch downtown, but maybe one time would be okay. It doesn’t mean I will do it next year. I will say that it makes me nervous that there is only a half hour lead-time between the walk and the parade. I know parades don’t move quickly, but neither do I. I’ll need to make sure to start out near the front so maybe I won’t be the last person to finish. That’s how I did it for the Shamrock.

That being said, I do look forward to taking many other walks throughout the course of the year. I can’t usually see a path without wanting to go down it, and then there have been articles about different trails, so I have a lot that I want to try. These include a tour of Portland’s oldest buildings, the Waterfront/Esplanade loop, and Laurelhurst.
The first one will be one that was not featured in any article, but with the frequent knee-surgery related trips to OHSU, I found myself drawn to the path that runs alongside Terwilliger. I want to put it first because if you keep going down Sam Jackson Road you end up at Duniway Lilac Garden. It seems logical to do it while lilacs are in bloom, and that is coming fast. I have not picked a day yet, but technically I guess I am in training now for the Grand Floral Walk, so I should be trying new exertions. As near as I can tell, it’s a bit more than 2.5 miles, but with a fair amount of downhill. After that, we will see.

If you want to join me for a walk, let me know. I move slowly, but am otherwise good company.

24 minutes walking outside
Matthew 13-20

Book Slut

I've already mentioned how it took a long time to get through my progressive books. Well, I am currently in the middle of my last November book (Native American heritage month), meaning I have not even started my February list yet (Black History month). This is partly due to being overly ambitious. I am generally reading about two and a half books a month, so if I assign myself four or five for one month, I am setting myself up for failure.

However, this would not be enough to get me as far behind as I am. That is more a matter of literary promiscuity.

I am not saying I have no standards at all. Every now and then I get a crack at a book that I turn down. (The last two were The Time Travelers Wife and Requiem for a Dream, based on flipping through pages and seeing that I would not enjoy them), but usually, I'm not really a "no" kind of girl.

Let's examine the start of my "months" going awry. I finished Perfectly Legal on August 27th, indicating that I started late. I was supposed to get to What's the Matter with Kansas next, but Julie had checked out Last Words, by George Carlin, and I had to read that. We love George. I got back on track, finishing Kansas and Free Lunch in September, at which point I figured I would be bleeding into October, but still done before November started and it was time for Native American heritage.

Well, then a dear friend loaned us two books, The Big Year by Mark Obmascik and The Help by Kathryn Stockett. Obviously you have to get loaners read, and then my sisters also checked out Who Killed my Daughter, by Lois Duncan, because it was true crime, and recommended by Ann Rule, and set in New Mexico, which they had visited. I enjoyed all of them, but I did not get through The Wrecking Crew until November 4th.

That was still not that awful, and since I finished Wealth and Our Commonwealth on the 12th, there was no reason not to start on Bury My Heart at Wounded Knee right away, except that The Unthinkable (Amanda Ripley), had just come through after being on hold. Around then, I also found out a certain friend was in jail, and I really needed to read Losing My Cool (Thomas Chatterton Williams) to see if it would be good for him (and it was--he's been loaning it to the other prisoners), plus I needed to read Michelle Alexander's The New Jim Crow (which I cannot send to him because it would be too depressing). Oh, and there was this one book that I thought would be good for a newsletter I needed to write, and then my sisters checked out this Rob Sheffield book, and then his other book, and seeing Ann Rule speak led to both reading me one we already owned and us putting her new one on hold, which came through again. Add to that three other books that one or both of my sisters wanted to read, and one that a friend loaned, and you see how it goes.

It's just very hard for me to say "no" to a book (unless it's awful), and I do go looking for distractions everywhere. One of the most annoying things about those e-readers is that you can't even see what other people are reading. I mean, the last two times I chatted up guys on public transportation it was about books (speeches of Malcolm X and Qigong). I mean, how am I supposed to get my flirt on?

So yes, I do get sidetracked along my reading path, but that's okay. For one thing, in most of these cases it is because of my sisters or friends, so that just gives us more connection, and more things to talk about.

Also, no matter how many books I have not gotten to yet, each book adds to the whole--and they do relate. So Katherine of Aragon was Ferdinand and Isabella's daughter! Of course! Or, oh, that tradition goes back to 18th century maritime trade. How interesting.

The destination keeps jumping farther out, but it's a good journey.

20 minutes walking inside
Crunches
Matthew 7 - 12

Task: Goodreads

I really love Goodreads.com. I was suspicious of another social networking site, because Facebook should really be enough, but I love books and I thought I would try it out. I'm so glad I did.

The social part of it is fun. Sometimes I will add a book, or a review of a book, and see other friends add it to their lists, and I like that. I will add on the recommendation of others as well, so it's very mutual. It is fun seeing who is reading what, and what they thought about it. To some extent it fills the void left by the dissolution of my book club. So really, that part is great, but it came later, and would probably have not been enough of a draw on its own.

What really pulled me in was the ability to sort my reading lists, and that's where the task came in. You see, I always want to read more books than I can immediately get to. Frequent inspiration came from the Oregonian book review section, Smithsonian magazine bibliographies (which they don't really do anymore), and one memorable summer reading column by Georgie Ann Geyer.

Tracking was hard. I printed out the column, and scrawled things in a notebook, and as I became more digital I created a Word document where I would write book information. I later added an Amazon wish list to track new books, but I didn't really want the books as gifts--I just wanted to remember to read them.

Suddenly, Goodreads created a great way of putting them all in one place, and the task was to get that done. It was a bit tedious, but this is one of the goals that I actually accomplished fairly quickly.

This is one area where I became impressed with Goodreads, because they had almost everything. I think the only things I could not find were a Lao-language history book, and another book that was really old, and may not have been published normally. It was a huge step up.

It also became very clear how far in over my head I was with my book desires, because as I finished I was at about a 3:1 ratio of book to read versus books read, and I have not been able to shake that. I'm sure I have not entered every book I have read yet, but I have not entered every book I want to read either, so clearly that's just how it's going to be.
Still, I am reading more, and this is another way that the site really helps. It is so easy to find ideas for what to read next. It's true there are other factors there. I have time to read on my evening commute, which I did not before, and by the grace of Maria's frequent trips to the Cedar Mill library, and their extensive collection, I have means and opportunity added to my motive. It is a beautiful thing.

So my reading is more prolific and more organized, and I have to credit Goodreads for that. If I want to enter Steve Duin’s reading contest for this year, I can easily see what was read and check the page count. I do still have one little problem though. We’ll talk about that tomorrow.

In the meanwhile, come friend me on Goodreads. I have awesome shelves!

39 minutes walking outside
Matthew 1-6 and James

My Progressive Reading Month

In honor of May Day—which honors the eight-hour workday, the Haymarket Incident, and attracts all manner of socialists, communists, and anarchists—it seemed like a good time to go over the contents of my progressive reading month.

Why a progressive reading month? Well, having this renewed library access has been great, and combined with being able to keep my reading list organized via GoodReads (more on that later), I have been making more of a point of getting to books that I have always intended to read. There were a handful that I tended to associate together, which related to modern politics and money, I guess. Since I had my Black History month in February, and was going to do my Native America Heritage month in November, I decided that I would put my progressive books together in August. It would be my progressive reading month, which at times I called my socialist reading month, my liberal reading month, and I might have even called it my communist reading month.

The first thing I should say is that I can’t really just decide to read four or five books in a single month and expect it to happen with no distractions (again, more on that later). I did not actually finish the last book until November 12th. Anyway, let’s go over what they were.

One potential advantage to procrastinating is that you can then read the original book and its follow-up close together. Therefore, I read two books each by David Cay Johnston and Thomas Frank. Here is the total list in the order read:

Perfectly Legal: The Covert Campaign to Rig our Tax System to Benefit the Super Rich – and Cheat Everybody Else, by David Cay Johnston

What’s the Matter with Kansas?: How Conservatives Won the Heart of America, by Thomas Frank

Free Lunch: How the Wealthiest Americans Enrich Themselves at Government Expense, by David Cay Johnston

The Wrecking Crew: How Conservatives Rule, by Thomas Frank

Wealth and Our Commonwealth: Why America Should Tax Accumulated Fortunes, by William H Gates and Chuck Collins

How do they stack up?

Most fluid/interesting reads: What’s the Matter with Kansas and Free Lunch
Driest reads: Wealth and our Commonwealth, followed by Perfectly Legal—that’s what happens when you write about tax code.
Most important to read: The Wrecking Crew and Free Lunch (they are also the most appalling)
I can’t say they really changed my political philosophy at all, so that’s not why you would read them, but a lot of what they did was provide context on things that I already see are happening, but this is how it got there, and why. I have to say they were all pretty well written, and very educational, and I wish everyone who complains about government spending would read Free Lunch. To be fair, a lot of that is more state and local spending than federal, but if you consider that all of the money comes from somewhere, and that there is a finite amount to cover needs, then those spending issues are really very important.

One point that Johnston repeatedly made in Perfectly Legal was that for all those who evade paying taxes, there is more that the rest of us need to pay. I had looked at it more as just there being less funds available in general, but since we are spending over budget, and accumulating interest, which we do need to pay, well, he may be on to something.

One of the most interesting unexpected lessons was from Wealth and Our Commonwealth, regarding the push by the right to get people to refer to the estate tax as the “death tax”. They had something like swear jars where interns would have to put in money any time someone used a term other than “death tax”, which would fund pizza parties. Words are powerful, because they are how we form thoughts, and the words that get used are not random.

The most discouraging part of all the reading is that there did not really seem to be much in the way of solutions. Johnston focuses primarily on getting people better informed, which seems pretty hopeless. Even if you had a knowledgeable general population, you still need to overcome apathy and systemic roadblocks, but getting people in the age of willful ignorance to pay attention to facts? To read? I just don’t know if I have that much optimism handy.

That leads to a very sad quote, which came from Wealth and Our Commonwealth:
“In 1879, Henry George published Progress and Poverty, a book chronicling the dangers of consolidated land ownership. This remarkable book, which would today be considered too dense to enjoy a wide readership, sold over 1 million copies, and excerpts were serialized in several popular magazines." (Pp 32-33, emphasis mine)

I’m sure they’re right, but it makes me sad.

Mosiah 26-29 (as part of family scripture study)
Walked outside for 36 minutes
Pushups

What just happened here?

As we have established, it is nothing unusual to have periods where I write more, and where I write less, but this was kind of a long spell. It's not the longest I have ever gone without blogging, as the records show that a gap between January and September 2007, but since then the longest absence had been three months, until now, and just when I had been so on track! But really, all that happened was life. Life happened hard.

When we left off, I was settling into my new job, and finding out that it was not enough money, but having high hopes for the screenplay that I was working on, because someone with actual experience was interested in it.

Remember, I was working with a partner to adapt a book. My writing partner is a professional author. People have bought her books. The author of the book we were working on was in her writing group, and the producer was someone she knew, so the project would not have existed without her at all. Our writing styles are very different, but I know that I learned more that way. However, she was not always great at communication.

Initially she was forwarding messages from the producer with his feedback, and what he wanted, some of which I thought was questionable, but I was trying and then suddenly she sent me an update script where he was credited as a writer and if it was good that would have been one thing, but I hated what they had done with it. It had become really ugly, and I know you can't always follow a book one hundred percent, and we had not been trying to do so, but at least come up with something good! I really hated it.

Anyway, I had thought it would at least result in a paycheck, because he was all set to make a film. He had purchased the rights to one story that was set in New Mexico, but the script was not working out. We were working on a story set in New Mexico which we quickly finished, for him, and that seemed really perfect, but I guess he needed to find financiers for a filming budget. New Mexico had some good incentives set up, so it seemed probable, but I guess it didn't work out. I had soured so much on the project that I almost didn't care. Actually, I think this was probably really good experience for Hollywood, except when you are a professional and this happens, you at least get some money out of the deal.

That would have been nice, because I really was not making enough. When I first found myself unemployed, I did some math and figured out how much I would need to scrape by. When I got hired I was making a little more than that, but after one year unemployed and one year underemployed, I had a bit of a debt hole built up. So here I was working, with a really good team and great health care and yet I was still always running short and stressed out over it. I decided to try refinancing, though I was not sure if I would be an attractive prospect for it. This led to my next major source of stress.

I decided to work with my credit union, because getting the original mortgage through them had gone fine, and I was a loyal customer. Well, I don't know that shopping around would have helped, but it was a whole different process the second time around.

It is probably partly due to that whole worldwide financial collapse thing, and maybe partly due to the hits my own credit rating took. All I know is that my loan officer was cold and unresponsive, and she kept asking for money. They needed $250 to lock in the rate, $400 for a deposit and the new appraisal, and then the amount the entire loan would be shy for paying off my credit cards, which was done by the title company mailing out checks, even though I could have paid them off online instantly if they had deposited those funds into my account. I guess they did not trust me. Therefore, when I noticed one small credit line had dropped out of the agreement, I did not tell them because I did not want a demand for another check to pay off that also.

The frustrating thing was that with the delay waiting for the mail everything was in process but I had late payments and was getting calls, including on the original mortgage, through the same credit union. The stupid thing was amounts fluctuate anyway, so once all the checks arrived I still owed a small payment to one card, and had credits on two others. It is done now, but it was grueling while it lasted, and I have a lot of bad feelings towards my credit union now, but with a new 30 year mortgage, breaking away is not likely to happen soon. Honestly, I think they are becoming too much like a bank. If I do ever start getting writing income, I think I will start a new account at First Tech, and ease into the transition that way.

With my job, I hit the first round of overtime, which was welcome in some ways for the extra money, but then just as I was getting used to it, it dried up, and I entered this period where I was constantly having to learn new tasks just as I started feeling comfortable with the old ones. This was good in one way, because I learned a lot and I was certainly constantly stimulated, but it came at a time when I was exhausted and felt like there was too much change anyway. My sisters and I also changed the ward we are attending. This is nothing like changing religions, but it is change, and we had things we wanted to get done first where for a while there was a rush of self-imposed obligations, and there were some emotions involved.

This may seem like a lot of stuff, and it was, but the big undercurrent running through everything was that my mother could no longer avoid knee surgery, and that became an ordeal all in itself, with many appointments, and questions and fears. I knew it would be stress, but I had no idea the emotional toll the surgery would take, nor how much lost sleep it would mean, nor how much of an emotional toll the lost sleep would take.

Anyway, on top of the exhaustion, and stress about work, money, family, and aging, there were also health concerns and at least one round of depression (I can't decide if it was multiple rounds or one that ebbed and flowed). But things are much better now.

I have not been writing much, except for the occasional fevered journal entry, and I am itching to write again. Right now I want to focus on blogging. After I have gotten everything out, I should be ready to get back to screenwriting, but I have too much angst built up right now. Plus, I need to get into the habit of daily writing again, and the time management that makes it possible. Having a goal to write daily seems a little crazy, in that I am working some overtime again and I am feeling a need to focus on good nutrition, exercise, and rest to keep me functional. I mean, I don't know why I think I can manage all of those things at once. Maybe I will need to learn to be concise in my blogging. That would be a trip.

Still, I feel like it's important, and probably it will help me prioritize and use my time better. After all, if I can get all of my issues to date worked out, stand in better stead for my eventual career goals, and get to wear I can do a good job maintaining my health even during times of great responsibility and stress, that should stand me in good stead when Mom gets the other knee done.

Phase 2

I haven’t blogged for days. I was getting ready to. I would write down “22 minutes walking outside” or “Crunches” or “1st Thessalonians 3 – Philomen”, and plan on blogging, but I would be so tired, and I had gone past the 40 days already, so I let it be.

Well, now I have listened to Conference, and I have thought about what is next, and I did play some video games, and yeah, it’s time to move into the next phase.

There will be more posts, and I will finish the concert series and write other things, but I will not be blogging daily. There are things that have been really good about it, and I have gotten great support, but it is just too time-consuming to keep up. It can always return at another time.

I probably will not post again this week. The producer wants more changes to the screenplay, and originally I thought they were impossible, but I have some ideas on how to carry it out now, and so this week I really want to concentrate on that. Still no money showing up, but I’m still sticking with it. I’m nothing if not tenacious.

I suppose before moving on I should report on the last forty days. Overall, it feels like an accomplishment. I don’t see a trip to Amsterdam in our immediate future, which is okay, and I was disappointed to find that I gained 6 pounds, which would have been a good amount to lose.

I was kind of afraid it would happen, and there is a good chance that it is new muscle, because with the crunches and pushups I went from about 5 at first to 30 now, and that is a pretty fast increase, but still. It did provide a funny moment though, because I was talking to Julie about how if that happened I would be momentarily suicidal and then move on, and she was like, “But you’re so—“ and I don’t remember if the word she used was logical or practical or what, but sure, that’s the end result, but it’s not my initial state.

I do feel more energetic, I am walking faster, and I have stronger abs and arms. Some of my clothes do feel looser, but I wear stretchy things so it is not definitive. I want weight loss, but I’m on a four-year plan, and I do have time to catch up. I should probably take my measurements too, so that weight is not the only available indicator. (For the record, I am 321 now.)

So, what’s next? Well, 20 minutes minimum of scripture study and exercise daily is still the rule, and I am swearing off video games and impure thoughts again, this time through November 24th. This is a 52-day period instead of 40, so one change is that it is longer.

Another change is that I am going to keep up with the rotating toning exercises, but substitute leg lifts for wall sits. I just didn’t feel like I was getting anywhere with them. Part of that is that with your legs and thighs supporting your entire body all the time, they are probably going to always be more developed than other muscles, where it will be harder to see change. Still, there may be better measurability with an exercise that you count instead of time, and at least it mixes things up a bit. I will need something more taxing soon I am sure, but one step at a time. No matter how many times I have gotten into a good routine for aerobic exercises, I have never had a great program for strength training, and fixing that will probably take longer.

Also, I will be keeping a food journal strictly and diligently for the 52 days. This is something that I have tried many times before and failed at, because I will forget things, and fall behind, and just give up, and so giving myself a limited time to focus on it should be helpful. Maybe I will just be trying a different strategy every time for the first few phases, and then I will start combining them. Maybe there won’t even be any weight loss until after the first three years. That would be discouraging, but it would fall within the plan.

I feel like I will eventually need to set some kind of goal about getting better rest, like making myself get to bed earlier, but at this point I would be setting myself up for failure, and I am trying to focus on the achievable.

I will still be working on various tasks and goals that I set for serving others and working on my writing career, but those are not specifically part of the 52 days.

Also, I will be praying for help in loving someone who is difficult for me to love. Well, actually, it’s more the liking her part that is hard, but the point is that I will be working on it.

Concert Journal Part II: Live at the Crystal

If I had not been so badly impoverished in college, there would have been another trio of concerts seen in Eugene, that would have included the Presidents of the United States of America, the Gin Blossoms, and the Cherry Poppin’ Daddies. Two of the first concerts that I saw in my employed adulthood compensated for that, but they also introduced me to something Badly Bradley had only hinted at—deplorable opening acts.

The Presidents put on an amazing show. “High energy” barely begins to describe it. I saw them at a Rose Festival concert also, and still great. They sing about silly things, and they don’t use all of the available strings with their bassitar and guibass, but they make it work. I might have to call them an absurdist band, actually, except that seems like more of a Leningrad Cowboys thing.

So, at the Crystal, they had two opening acts, and the second, the United States of Electronica, was actually pretty good. In fact, when the Presidents took the stage, they gave a hand to USE themselves, leaving Anna Oxygen out in the cold. Well, that’s what the rest of us had done.

I guess no one ever explained to her that you need to earn the respect of the audience. So, if you can’t do your songs right because your projection system is not working and the right images do not come up for your songs, and this impairs your act, it makes us think that the songs are not very good. Okay, you proved that one anyway. And you can’t make us dance to the dance steps you want and demonstrate. If we like you we might do it, but we didn’t. And getting whiny and cranky with us just reinforces our impression that you suck. Really, it was very sad and annoying.

Oh, one funny thing at that show. Where we were, there was part of the stage that I couldn’t see, which basically meant that I could see everyone but the keyboardist for USE. So later on, during Presidents, I was dancing next to him and didn’t know until my sisters told me.

So, let’s say that the Presidents are absurdist, and that Anna Oxygen was really trying to be a performance artist, and the USE keyboardist’s hair was a work of art, because the when it was time for the Daddies, there was some artistry and illusion going on. Their opening act seemed like a joke.

First of all, musically they sounded rather like a garage band playing a frat party—mainly loud, not particularly memorable, and they only lyrics I could make out were about riding a snake (and if that’s not fratty, I don’t know what is).

Also, their outfits were very costume-y. It was like each member had chosen to play a different character, and there was no thematic connection between the different characters—especially the leprechaun one. So I was there thinking it had to be some kind of joke, and then during the Daddies performance, which was great, this idea started building in the back of my mind, and sure enough White Hot Odyssey is Steve Perry’s other project, and if I can’t like the music of his other band, I admit to being impressed with the ability to do two full shows in one night, which he does on a regular basis. Crazy.

Other memorable shows at the Crystal have included Jimmy Eat World, which was good but I had to leave before they were done, which makes the use of two sucky opening acts particularly egregious.

The Finn Brothers were a great, mellow show, almost acoustic, but still moving and energetic and wonderful. The crazy Celtic lady with the enormous flower in her hair was weird, but I can’t tell you who she was because I could not understand a word she was saying. You know how sometimes when people fake an Irish accent they sound like they have a toothache and it obscures their speech? I’m sure she was not faking, but, yeah, something was not right.

I think my favorite show there was the most recent one, when we went to see the Psychedelic Furs. I guess one good thing about having a voice where you sound like a lifelong smoker is that aging does not show as much. Richard Butler sounded incredible—like time had stood still for him. And he danced around on that stage as if it had not been twenty-odd years. His dancing was a little nerdy, actually, but he was enjoying himself so much! I felt like he was happy to see us, and it was endearing.

Actually, this is the weirdest thing of all—I think their opening act was okay. I don’t know how that happened.


22 minutes walking outside
Wall sits
1st Corinthians 15 – 2nd Corinthians 8

Concert Journal – The first six

Okay, I am still doing this for a few more days—through Friday, I guess, and then I will see.

Breaking up my concert experiences, there are six that I consider to be part of my youth. After that, it is all adulthood, and I couldn’t tell you what year it was—it probably happened sometime between graduating from college and now. These six are actually two trios.

The first set occurred when I was in junior high. Somehow I had reached that point where going to concerts is possible. I know tweens have parents who take them to concerts, but my parents never did it that way. So, at thirteen I was old enough to go to a concert, and it was okay.

They all happened within the span of a summer. Charlie Sexton came to town first, in July, I think, and then A-ha came in August. Those were my two favorites at the time, and that they were both coming was amazing.

For Charlie I went with Marisa and Misty. He played at the Civic Auditorium (now Keller), and we wandered around the venue before and after, talking to a roadie, and a bus driver, and a limo driver. The most exciting part was seeing Charlie, pre-show, leave through a side door and enter a limo. If I had any presence of mind, I would have taken the camera I had out of my pocket, and snapped a shot, but I didn’t. The opening band was Badly Bradley (a guy from Quarterflash was in it), and they were not good.

Although this first concert was exciting, A-ha gave a much better show. I think Charlie was still a little shy—Morten was not. He flirted and joked and was amazing. I went with Gina Caldwell, who was only two years older than me (Misty is five years older, and Marisa was older still), but my brother Lance was working security at the concert, and he drove us, so there kind of was some adult supervision. I did nearly get in trouble, because exploring had been so much fun the first time, I wanted to try it again, and I did meet their bus driver, which was fine, but I sort of wandered into an area where I wasn’t supposed to be (between the Schnitz where they played and the Heathman where they were staying), and had to bluff my way out of it. I guess it was good practice for later.

It does seem weird to me that even though I know that Bourgeois Tagg was their opener—I remember their name on the ad and the ticket and everything—I have no memory of them performing. Even seeing that “I don’t mind at all” is theirs, it’s like, Really? Hmm. I guess the main event completely overshadowed them.

I bought a t-shirt there, and a dog tag at the Charlie Sexton concert, and I wore both of them for my next school picture. My souvenir at the Monkees was a program, but even if it was something wearable I might not have, because they were kind of disappointing.

The thing is, I did like their music okay, but I had really been a fan of the show, and suddenly these young guys are old, and the shtick is a little thin. Maybe I should have stuck with my memories. I think Nikki may have been a bit disappointed with it too, and she was a way bigger fan than I was. Of course, I could have been part of the disappointment. We had a slumber party the night before, and the night before that I had to be up early for a trip to Seattle, and I just could not sleep, so I didn’t. I can be great for 24 hours without sleep—a little hyper, but fine, but then I crashed. I was a very boring guest that night. Nikki’s mom took her, Nancy, and I, and even if the Monkees were a bit disappointing, I guess we still got our money’s worth, because the ticket included Herman’s Hermits, the Grass Roots, Gary Puckett and the Union Gap, and a Beavers baseball game. (That was at the old Civic Stadium, before it became PGE Park.)

I don’t know why, but I didn’t go to any other concerts until just after high school. I know the first one was Billy Idol and Faith No More, because I remember Faith No More making fun of Nelson, and Billy Idol making fun of MC Hammer, and those were the next two. I went with Ericka, Bill, and Scott. Honestly, it was weird that the four of us went to a concert together, but I guess it worked out. Bill never paid for his ticket. I guess it was okay, but those are the memories that stick out, not the music. Well, and I remember Faith No More singing the Nestle Sweet Dreams jingle. It was kind of weird but it worked. Oh, and I remember us speculating on the fate of the fish in their video.

Nelson was the last in that group, because I was already away at college. I hitched a ride back up with Bob Fife’s girlfriend. I can’t remember her name and it is bugging me. I can totally picture her. Greg was supposed to meet me outside, but he never showed, so I was actually at the concert alone, though there were people all around. It was fine. It saddens me that as much as I loved that album, that then they went country and Gunnar became a tool on Celebrity Fit Club, but these things happen.

With the MC Hammer concert, there were so many problems that I don’t even know where to start, including that I never saw the show.

First off, he was supposed to tour with Vanilla Ice, and that was part of my motivation, but I think I was already starting to be embarrassed. I bought his tape on the strength of Ice Ice Baby, and the rest of the tracks were pretty stupid, and even for his good song, you know, sampling is pretty common in rap, just own up to it. I had found him cute, but then he kept doing stupid things to his hair and sticking his tongue out, and it was turning out that everything he said about himself was a lie, so yeah, speaking of tools. Anyway, then he was off the tour, and I don’t remember who replaced him, which I would have if I had seen the show.

I was supposed to go with Matt Davis. I was getting ready, and found that the tickets had disappeared. I tore my room apart trying to find them, but they never turned up. I have no idea what happened. We had some people working on the furnace, and my roommate at the time was not above stealing, but it was so frustrating, and I had to disappoint Matt, and then afterwards I always wondered if we would have become closer, and maybe I could have made a difference later when he needed it. Stupid, but it stung.

Anyway, they were playing for two nights, and my tickets were for the first night, so the second night was the one where I snuck in. Well, I planned to sneak in, anyway, but then when I got to there, Trail Blazer at the time Alaa Abdelnaby was there with his date, and he was allowed, but he was not sure how to get in, so I showed him the doorbell and then tailgated. And yes, that was kind of cool, but you can’t really hear anything backstage, and all I saw was a few dancers, and I knew it would be pushing my luck to stay very long, so yeah, that whole thing was kind of a waste, though whether I should have been bolder or not bothered at all is a reasonable question.


Disco Sweat (20/70)
Pushups
1st Corinthians 4 - 1st Corinthians 14

In Memoriam

I’m pretty sure this is my last thing from the reunion, but it is meaningful for me.

The class of 1990 lost ten people along the way. I was close to some and barely knew others, but in each case it just doesn’t feel right that they’re gone. When I have lost people to old age, it is sad, but for people in my own age group it is a shock—that’s just not how it’s supposed to work.

I know many of my classmates were affected the same way, and that often the way it came out was a desire for more details. Having some details would just lead to a desire for more details: “I know it was cancer, but do you know what kind?”

I have observed this before, especially with suicide. There is such an element of shock there, along with guilt and every other negative emotion that goes into that mix, that I believe we hope the additional details will help things make sense. It doesn’t always work, but that desire is still there.

Also, I think to some extent there is a desire to hang on, and a feeling that more information will help. Since Josh died I have dreamt of him a few times, and the first time I remember asking him about this hat he used to wear. It was silly, and even in the dream I knew it was silly, but I understood that I was asking for something tangible to hang on to, and when I say it is silly, it’s because that even in the dream I kind of understood that it wouldn’t work. Whatever souvenirs you have, the person is still gone.

So, I understand that there’s a limit to how much getting more information can help. Not only did I suspect it, but I got a chance to test it out, because a week later I was meeting with some friends and I got more information about Adam and John, and David, and I gave information about Josh, and then the next night I got more information about Darin and Tricia. (I still have absolutely no idea what happened to Russ or James.)

On one level, it’s horrible, because I think as we add the details in the hopes of making sense, we also find ways where maybe it could have gone differently, and not happened, and there is a keen little pain there. It still seems to be part of the process, somehow, of arriving at acceptance. It took me years before David’s death seemed real—I kept half-thinking that someday someone was going to tell me, “Oh, that was a mix-up. He’s got a job over in North Carolina now.” That was partly because I heard one thing, that didn’t make any sense (it does make more sense now, incidentally), and I never saw an obituary or anything else, and it was certainly horrible if it was true, so somehow, it didn’t quite seem true.

There are other levels of comfort of course, and I will probably write about those some other time, but what I am getting at now is that I want real obituaries. In our reunion program we had their names and a poem, and it wasn’t even a good poem.

It’s not just their deaths. We also wanted to know more about their lives. All the living get a chance to submit short biographies (a chance which many squander, by the way), and maybe some of us don’t have anything new to report, but they did do things. Some had children, and marriages, and jobs and accomplishments. Okay, Paul did not have a chance to do anything after high school, and John and Adam barely did, but they still had hopes and dreams and things they would have done, and people who cared about them—there is something to say.

And yes, we do want to know about their deaths. The trend here, even in newspaper obituaries, seems to be for less and less detail, where it is very frequent for there to be no cause of death listed, so maybe it’s not a popular idea, and it could be morbid, and it totally might not help in the way that is hoped, but knowing all of that anyway, I still want to know. “The heart has its reasons of which reason knows nothing.” And everyone with whom I have shared this sentiment agrees.

So, that’s what I want, and I know Classic Reunions will not take the responsibility, but it still seems desirable and possible. I would welcome feedback on this one. I kind of always do, but more than usual this time, I guess.

Otherwise, all I can do is express my fervent wish that the list doesn’t grow anymore for a while.


40 minutes walking outside
Rest
Romans 9 – 1st Corinthians 3

A few more thoughts post-reunion

I intended to do a recap of various concerts I have attended today, to balance all the things that I want to go to but haven’t yet. Since I just came from an 80’s party, it seemed like good timing.

However, it would be so long! I have been to a fair amount of concerts, and with comments on each of them, well, it would just end up being a lot. I have been thinking if there is some way to break it down into smaller posts, like maybe categorizing them, but there are a lot of blurred boundaries. For example, the Presidents are like the Daddies, in that they are bands that I wished I had seen in Eugene, but then saw at the Crystal, which is part of a larger subset of shows seen at the Crystal. However, I also saw them at the Rose Festival, which would put them with Violent Femmes, but the Femmes are part of the disappointing shows group, but disappointing in a different way than most of them. Anyway, I’m still figuring that one out.

Since the party was thrown by a school friend, post reunion stuff works here too.

I have already mentioned people telling me I look great, or haven’t aged, and my theory that it is because I set the bar so low. Tonight I was actually told that I looked better than in high school. Well, if so, I can say that I am carrying a lot less baggage than I was then. I have worked out some issues, and even if others are still there, it does make me more confident and more peaceful, and that should help.

The other thing is that there are a few people who seem to just think the world of me, and I kind of don’t get it, but all I can come up with is that I was nice to them, except that it shouldn’t have been that rare, and if it was rare, I didn’t know it.

Pauli mentioned being relieved that I don’t remember her being mean to me, because I did remember when her outlook changed—it just never resulted in her picking on me. I understand that, because when I was looking at old yearbook inscriptions I remember being relieved to see so much gratitude from the younger kids. I was pretty sure I had always been nice to the lower classmen and looked out for them, but it was nice having it confirmed. I would have felt really guilty about picking on anyone younger.

I do remember times of saying mean things, or realized that I had hurt someone or was coming close to annoying them, and I remember those things clearly and with great shame, so it amazes me that people remember good things about me.

Maybe it is because those events were rare that they stick with me; perhaps if you are mean regularly it all just blurs together. Maybe I did not notice other kids being mean to each other, but it was happening.

All I really know is that after the feeling of amazement passes I am left with gratitude. I don’t seem to have done anything too terrible, and I am left with a good reputation. That’s good. I do have good friends who are close, and beyond that I have others where we are not close but where there is warmth and support, and I’m grateful for that.

I know that I was really messed up in some ways, and there were a lot of potential pitfalls, but somehow I still ended up with a pretty good life. I am amazed and humbled by that. I have to believe that things will continue working out, because they have in the past. What I haven’t been healed of yet, will come in time. And the more I talk to other people, the more I find things in common.

In general, the reunion has been a really good gift. I know it wouldn’t be that way for everyone, but I’ll take it.

There is one thing that I would like to see changed though, and I will address that in a separate post.


25 minutes walking outside
Crunches
Acts 25 – Romans 8

Other live shows

I was unpleasantly surprised this morning to see that I had posted the preparedness letter to this blog, not the preparedness blog. I felt so ahead of the game to have written it Wednesday night, and then review and send it Thursday morning, instead of writing, reviewing, and sending all late Thursday night, but I am not at my highest functioning level in the mornings. It makes me wonder if my review missed anything. Anyway, on to today’s topic.

I did not have an official task for this one, probably because the issue came up after I had made the list.

Basically, I know many people in bands. Because we are connected through Facebook, I get invitations to see them play, but it usually doesn’t work out. One real problem for the non-driver, is that these events often happen later at night, without easy access to public transportation. Even when you know people in the band, it may not be wise for a lone (I don’t think I’m naïve, but if I was, would I know?) female to hang out in bars and then walk to a bus stop and hang out there.

Sure, I can invite friends who drive, and the bands would really like me to get extra people out there, but I always feel guilty and awkward asking people who will need to drive me, like the ulterior motive would negate the fact that I think they will appreciate it, and that I want to spend time with them, and those other things. I’ve grown a lot but I still have issues.

The other thing is just the dearth of free time on my calendar. It’s amazing how many events collide with each other. I’m double-booked for tomorrow night actually. Initially, I got dates mixed up, and thought Mike’s show was the same night as Mel’s karaoke fundraiser, which was workable, but it is really the same night as Pauli’s 80’s party, which I think is impossible. And then I missed Mel’s thing anyway, because after errands, Branden and Kehaulani’s reception, and taking Mom out to dinner for her anniversary (we have a twisted sense of humor in my family) I was running out of steam, and then the rain created transportation complications, and someone said something that made me feel crappy, and I was just done. I lay down and cried for a while, and then I wrote, and lashed out at someone, and it probably would have been better if I had been out singing, but it just didn’t happen.

Anyway, before I get too far off track, there were bands that I wanted to see, and sometimes I can close, but really the only show I made it too was the Lost Creek Gangsters when they played the Cider Mill. And sure I love Eli, and it was a fun show, but I really feel like I can do better than that.

So I was thinking that around January, and it wasn’t exactly a resolution, but it was the start of the year, and even though the next few months were going to be really busy, and I would not be up to going out for a while, before the end of the year I was going to make a point of seeing LCG again, plus seeing Toque Libre, Lindsey Pool, and Nate Botsford. Four local bands did not seem unreasonable with an entire year ahead, even if I was taking the first three months off the table.

Well, I have not been to any shows this year, which has been filled with poverty, exhaustion, and attempts at overachievement, but also the list of people I would like to see keeps growing.

Even if a rocker takes time off, so you can’t find any word of them, they always seem to end up in another band. I could not find any dates for Cornbred, or that other band that he played in, but now Darin Joye is in Celilo. There were no signs of Mike Johnson that I could see for a long time, but now he is in two bands: The Flurries and Stone in Love. Mel Ortiz was playing in Detention Room, but they might be breaking up, but Patrick Riggs’ wife has a band too, the 13th Soul. If I was a really good friend, I would be linking to web sites for everyone, but there’s this thing called Google.

On the plus side I have decided that Botsford is not really a priority, because I think I figured out that the reason Jim was always inviting people to Nate’s performances is because they were happening at Jim’s café. I should look into that. Still, it’s a lot of bands.

Another plus is that it gives me hope that other people will turn up too. I would love to get a line on Andrew Diamond of Movement, and John Sabol and Kurt Landre from Something She Said. (There are no plans for a No Socks reunion, incidentally.) Also, any time I make it should be a positive. Seeing live local music is usually a good time, and it doesn’t tend to cost very much, unlike regular concerts, which do not always give you more bang for your buck (more on that tomorrow).

I suppose all I really need is a new club and coffeehouse buddy, kind of like a new concert buddy. The easiest thing might be to have a boyfriend with a car, and then going to the shows could count as dates. It could hamper my ability to flirt with the band, but it’s not like that ever ends up anywhere anyway, so that would not be a reason to avoid it.

I think we are going to end up exploring that whole relationship thing again, but not tomorrow. Tomorrow will be a lot more music.


27 minutes walking outside
Wall sits
Acts 16 – Acts 24