Old bag with extra baggage

This was a hard vacation.

I still had a good time and I don't regret going, but it was hard.

Some of that was kind of expected. We were going at a time that would be more crowded and hotter -- not our favorite things -- because we wanted to try something new. Trying out new things is important to me. 

As I wrote about last week, there was also some recent bad news about Mom. That wasn't a big change, but it put a damper on things. 

Also, a really big part of it was that I fell my first day in Disneyland.

It happened really early, too. As usual, we started in Adventureland, going into the Enchanted Tiki Room and riding the Jungle Cruise. Indiana Jones was either down or had a long line -- we thought we'd get back to that later -- but there was still the original Swiss Family Robinson Tree House. It had became the much taller and steeper Tarzan Tree House. Now it was partially restored to the Swiss Family Robinson, but still pretty tall and steep. 

At the highest point, I missed a step and fell down. 

It could have been much worse. I was near a set of stairs and did not go down them or over the railings or... yeah, it could have been worse.

However, I did scrape my elbow and hit my knee and pulled between my neck and shoulder. 

There was some pain around my heel for a while, like maybe I bruised it, but that cleared up pretty quickly. 

I had a lot of muscle ache in my thighs too. They didn't really hit, but I think I was bracing myself tightly to not go down the stairs. I understand the philosophy of relaxing your body when you fall, but I don't seem to be capable of doing it.

That was Monday last week. Currently there is only a little bit of thigh pain, and (on a more graphic note) the scabbing on my elbow is being replaced with red new skin that will eventually turn into regular skin. My knee keeps popping, which is annoying but does not appreciably hold me back.

The neck and shoulder thing is still a problem; soft tissue injuries linger.

While I am on my way to healing now and will survive, it did affect my time in the park. Getting up and down is a big part of riding rides, and I was not doing it so well. I use my thighs a lot for that. Since they were hurting I would normally do some extra bracing with my arm (where touching down the elbow stung) or shoulders (which hurt worse than the sting). 

One thing I had also looked forward to there was trying the Boo-nuelito from La Tiendita in Downtown Disney. We went there, and as I pulled it out of the bag to take a picture, it crumbled onto the ground. 

My sisters paid for most of the trip, but that was one of the things I bought for myself.

I had been having more moments of sadness welling up in me since the phone call about Mom. Now there were more and they were mixed with some physical pain and even more emotional pain about being stupid and clumsy and not able to do very simple things right.

I did not at any point actually burst into tears, but it was an option. I did have a judgmental old white man looking at me in the tree house, I think debating about whether he would have to help pick up the fat clod. There were lots of people passing by and looking at the Boo-nuelito. Really? You've never seen someone drop food before?

I'm just saying the trip had some lows.

There are things that won't be replicated. We aren't likely to go at such a hot and crowded time again. I'd like to think that I won't fall again, but I will only get older, and probably more tired.

I can hope that there won't be another trip where I start out that sad, but there is going to be more sadness accumulated, even if there is also more cumulative joy and the sadness won't always be that fresh.

That gave me a few thoughts.

I am glad for all of the other trips. I am grateful that I have been to Disneyland on trips where I rode every single ride and for that one time where I rode the Matterhorn three times in a row and it was easy to do it.

Even though there was sadness and frustration with it, I am glad for that trip with Mom a few years ago where she could still enjoy some of it. I'm glad for that trip in 1996 that we needed so badly. 

Disneyland is pretty great on its own, but we have an emotional attachment to it built around lots of memories. 

I am grateful that as beat up as I was this time around, I did get to go on both of the new rides. Anything I missed this trip, I have done before and I hope will do again.

I am grateful that my sisters do bring me along, even though I don't have much to contribute financially right now. 

It makes me sad how there is a prevailing thought, especially for poorer people, to put all of that off for retirement. Even assuming that they actually do have some savings and are still alive at that point -- which is not guaranteed -- they will not have the energy and strength of youth. 

I mean, I have hated economic inequality for a long time, but the things that we keep feel comfortable telling people that they have to do, when the only reason it's that way is so some people have more than they could possibly even use... that's just sick. 

Doing that for food and health care and education is wrong, but you know, vacations are important too. 

We all need downtime and happy memories sometimes, even with their imperfections.