Bitter – 305

I ended on kind of a bitter note yesterday, so I thought I should at least clarify the advice issue. The two big things that people are saying (besides to not get discouraged, which, how exactly?) is to adjust your resume with keywords for each position, and to make sure everyone knows you are looking. Those are things I have done. I admit that I did not start out with the specific resume adjustments, but lately I have been doing it, as well as customizing cover letters. For networking, there may be a few people who don’t know that I am looking for a job, but I can’t imagine whom.

I think I have shared my theory about good listening before, but if not, it is that you don’t offer advice. The reason for this is that the person with the problem has been thinking about the problem more than the listener. They have a personal stake in it. They are worried about it. If they are like me, they are obsessing over it. You’re not likely to come up with anything new in your five minutes. It’s not impossible, maybe if you have some expertise in the area, or you are just way smarter, but generally, you are going to suggest things that they have already ruled out, and it increases the frustration.

It’s interesting, because I was taught that solution-providing is how men communicate, and then men and women have problems because the woman just wants to be heard, and share emotions. It sounds reasonable, but in my experience women try and provide solutions too, and sometimes men like to vent. Maybe in reality the person with the problem wants to be heard, and the person hearing wants to just fix it so it will go away. I do understand the desire to help someone, and for things to be fixed, but I believe the listening is helpful, and there are things you can do. You can ask clarifying questions, which may help the person see things in a new light, and after they have poured their heart out, if they ask for advice, you can give it then, but otherwise I say you are hurting more than you are helping.

The desire to fix is still nice, so it may not be fair that it doesn’t help, but this is how it looks to me. The thing is, it would be great if someone could tell me something new, because I don’t know how to get out of this.

The situation is that I don’t have a useful specialty or highly in demand skills. When I got out of college, the situation was good and it didn’t matter what you had majored in. I got opportunities to try new tasks, and I did well at a variety of things, but I essentially ended up pigeonholed in customer service. Since they wanted to keep me around, even when there were department changes and management changes and off-shoring, I ended up making really good money at it, that I would not really be able to replicate starting over somewhere else.

I have accepted that, and I can take less money, but no matter how many versions of my resume I make, I’m not going to tell outright lies on it, and so there is a shortfall for a lot of the more attractive positions. I could overcome a lot of that in the interview if I could get in, but a few months ago you could count on 80 to 140 applications for every open position, and the number of applicants keeps going up while the number of open positions goes down. It would be hard to stand out in that crowd anyway, but the way things are going, that crowd probably contains several people who have multiple years of experience and a degree in the right specialty. Truly, this is where networking should come in handy. I guess I don’t know the right people.

What’s really hurting now is that the less attractive positions are not calling me back either. I haven’t heard from Stream, K-Mart, or Fred Meyer, and I know I could do any one of those jobs. Maybe they are worried that I am overqualified, and will have an attitude. A lot of those applications only ask what you have made at previous jobs, not what you are willing to take, but ask me!

Actually, I waited to apply for retail for a while, because I am afraid that a job where I am on my feet a lot will bring on another cellulitis outbreak, but I’m desperate here. My doctor wants me to come in before she renews the Metformin prescription, I haven’t been to the dentist for over a year, and ultimately I am worried that I am going to start falling apart physically, which would at least make the outside match the inside.

So, that’s where I’m at. I don’t know what to do, I’m prickly on the outside because of all the torment inside, and I want to rip the heads off of people who try and help when they do it so ineffectively and smugly. Maybe it is time to start fast food applications.