The scariest fan in the world

I have really mixed feelings about this one, because in some ways it feels important and in other ways it feels unfair. This is ultimately a real person, and recognizable, and so I feel some guilt about holding her out there as a laughingstock, but I’m not laughing, even if there are humorous elements, and I do think there may be some important points here.

So, the way I am getting around my guilt is that I am posting this today, and I am not identifying the concert, and I will use initials in place of names for the people involved, and I am not going to start writing about the concerts for a few days, giving some distance. It will still not be that hard to figure out which concert and band it was, but it feels like a compromise I can live with, so that’s what I’m doing.

After the opening act, we noticed her talking to the people next to us. She was probably in her mid-to-late forties (I am not great at estimating age), but what really struck us was her waist-length mullet. Combined with the fanny pack and her manner of dress, it kind of looked like she was stuck in 1992, and had possibly stopped cutting her hair then.

She was telling them how she follows the band to different shows and she showed them her tattoo of the lead singer’s signature on her arm, and the tambourine she had gotten at one of their shows. R, the lead singer, plays the tambourine. I knew that, but I had never seen them live before, so I did not know he gave them out. I have known many people to get picks and drumsticks before, so that’s cool that he does that.

During the course of the show he gave out at least three, and I wondered if that would make her value hers less, but she was waving it at him from the front, and at the end she caught a drumstick, and she was waving the stick and the tambourine together at the drummer. Look at me!

So, it was a great show, and we were buzzed from that, but I was thinking about her, and disturbed, and talking with J and A I was saying that it was sad and scary, because clearly her love for this band is how she feels special, and I worry that someday loving them and following them won’t be enough, and that she will try and stab R. And they laughed, but also acknowledged that it wasn’t completely a joke.

Where the plot thickened was that we were too adrenalized to go to sleep, so we went to the deli to get some snacks and hang out, and who should walk in but the drummer, S! And who should latch on to him but Superfan!

I would have gone up to talk to him anyway, but I admit to having an ulterior motive of seeing if maybe I could help provide a distraction. Like maybe she would gracefully cede the floor, and he would be safe. That is not how it went down. I did talk to S, and he was very gracious, and tired, but she waited throughout, and while he ordered, and while he was waiting for his food, and after he got his food.

We watched this, having our own conversations, but also keeping an eye on them. Honestly, S was being great with her. If he had not specifically told me he was wiped out, it would have been easy to know. Giving a rock concert is hard work. Drums are hard work, and it was late, and from his body language it was clear he was tired and hungry, but he was patient and considerate and I admire him for that. It was just tainted by how less than an hour ago we had been talking about her stabbing R someday in the future. I don’t want him stabbed!

Yes, we were mostly joking. We kind of could because we don’t really think she is there yet, so it felt at that point like a matter of being annoyed, not being in danger. I said the best way to get out of it would be to look behind her, point saying “Look, there’s R!” and then run. (Unless R was actually in that direction. Then it would not be cool.)

So, we had our mean laughs, I guess, but I don’t feel mean or amused—I feel sad. I feel sad that she apparently has so little of a life, and that it could put someone in danger. I don’t want bands to have to be afraid and close themselves off from fans. As a fan, I love meeting them. If I get to do it enough, I might even be able to have an encounter that’s not embarrassing at some point.

I guess it ultimately comes down to the kind of society we have. I think there is probably mental illness there, probably with some depression, and not a lot of options for a fulfilling life, so it gets subverted into this fantasy life. We use “pathetic” as a criticism but its root is that this is something sad, and there is something sad there, with a whole web of related factors.

Perhaps first is care for the mentally ill, which is largely neglected, but we think of that in terms of people who definitely need meds or possibly even hospitalization. What about people who are born into an increasingly less mobile society, and retreat into fantasy because there’s seemingly nothing for them in reality? What about people who go into schools that are so underfunded that they never learn any means of creative expression or any reason to develop any kinds of aspirations?

I’m not saying that that there is no role of personal choice, and that there aren’t people who could still do a lot better with what they have, despite not having much. One of the great inspirations in life is finding people who overcame difficulties where it would seem very reasonable to give up, and yet they didn’t. I get that; I just think we should quit making things so hard that large percentages of the population need to be heroes just to survive. How about making survival easier, and then let the heroes use those abilities for grander things?

I know; there she goes again! Yes, I do, because that’s the way I am, and even though I do not share everything that I see or read, there is a lot that works together and it keeps making my heart softer and my desire for better greater, and I don’t think that’s going to change. But I swear in this case it all started with a simple thought of “Wow! That is some mullet there.”