Away with the humble brag

The day we went to Yellowstone Park, the five of us were eating lunch and talking, and something in the conversation reminded me that I had just taken a medical terminology course and gotten 100% on the test on my first try. I felt really good about this, and wanted to mention it, and I was wondering if there was a way to get it into the natural flow of the conversation. There wasn’t, so I just told them.

I did not preface it as me doing a humble brag. It was not humble. It was merely a brag. It was also a brag in proper perspective. I knew that part of my success was that the material was really well organized, I knew that Jen knows more about anatomy than I do, but still, I felt good about it, and they felt good about it when I told them, and that was pretty much the end of it and we went on with talking about other things. It was a day of really interesting conversation and seeing cool things, and that was just a small part.

I have been thinking about this for a couple of reasons. One is that the term “humble brag” seems to be more prevalent. I’m not even sure if I had heard of it back in August. I know I have always thought it was stupid in principle, but I will get more into that later.

The other reason I have been thinking about it is because of how hard it seems to be for people to feel good about themselves, or like anything about themselves, especially the young.

In many of these cases, they haven’t really been given a good foundation, and there are lots of messages from society about them not being good enough. With all of those obstacles, I really hate that a false idea of what humility should be could be making things worse.

I know humility is important. I also know humility does not consist of tearing yourself down and only knowing what is wrong about you.

“Pride gets no pleasure out of having something, only out of having more of it than the next man. … It is the comparison that makes you proud: the pleasure of being above the rest. Once the element of competition has gone, pride has gone.” (C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity)

I will give myself this level of credit: I got pleasure in doing well on the test. I took the course because a coworker recommended it. She also got a perfect score. I take pleasure in that too. Getting that score did not make me a better person than Jen, Steve, Julie, or Maria, none of whom are slouches intellectually. That’s part of why we could have good conversations all day. This was all good stuff.

I see girls comparing their bodies to the bodies of singers or models, and they feel inferior and they are miserable. I believe if they were coming from the other end, and comparing to others and feeling superior, that could lead to misery too. It might not be as direct a path, but I know at least one person who has a miserable life because he has only been able to look down on others. He has managed a lot of denial about his misery, but that’s still what it looks like to me.

And now I am judging him, and proud, darn it, except, I take no pleasure in being happier than him. I do take pleasure in being happy, but I would like him to be happy too, and there actually is enough happiness to go around.

People are posting all the time about not being happy, and wishing for it, and wondering if it is even possible. I vehemently say, yes, happiness is possible. It requires appreciation though. Some of this is gratitude for and acknowledgement of what you have, but also, it requires appreciation of others. Not jealousy, not competition, and not enmity.

I love you and want good things for you. I understand that good things happening for you does not take anything away from me.

Well, unless your greed and lust for power ends up destroying the economy or the environment and actively working against the happiness of many so your bank accounts can be larger even though you already have more than you can really spend. That’s actually NOT good for you though, so it still stands, and anyway, we’ll get into that more later.

Otherwise, like the things that you like, enjoy the things that you enjoy, and just own it. This is a good hair day. I am a skilled shopper. The dinner I made came out great! Take any little bit of luck or grace or blessing that comes into your life and be thrilled about it, and be just as thrilled for the good that others get. We’ll all be enjoying ourselves more that way. Try it.