Childhood development

I saw something at church a while back that stayed with me.

I have favorites of the little kids. I don't deal with them much, so if there are secretly ones that I like more than others, I don't think it's that bad. Obviously, if I ever get an assignment with children, I'll have to adjust my thinking.

Anyway, one of my favorites had a bad day in easy view of me.

Her mother was not there that day - maybe sick - and I guess that meant less attention to go around, which she was probably feeling. Her brother was ignoring her, coloring, and she suddenly took a crayon and drew a line down his page.

Based on her smile, this was a playful move for her, but it was an annoying move to him, and he shoved her. The shove wasn't terribly hard, but the way she said his name after that was so reproachful and heartbroken.

She had been standing, but then she got up and sat on her seat and did not look at anyone. Her father tried to reach out to her, but she was not having it.

Watching her from a few rows back, I felt like I understood her perfectly. There was that mix of emotions, but there wasn't quite the maturity to understand what to do with them. There can be appropriate ways to ask for attention, especially if you can admit to yourself that it's really what you want. Sometimes you have to accept not getting attention right away.

It also reminds me of watching an episode of "World's Strictest Parents". I had never watched the show before, but the premise is that kids with behavioral problems at home are sent to parents with well-behaved children to straighten out. I watched it because a girl I was familiar with through Twitter was on an episode, and she put up a link.

There was a point in the show where she sounded like a 4 year old. It's not that she was having a tantrum, but there was a catch in her voice that made her sound very young, and I could just feel that mismatch, of knowing that you are not quite right, but you are still hurting and don't know how to make it right.

Maturity needs to be learned. Some of it may be observed before you do anything too awful, but sometimes we learn by getting it wrong, and there is chastisement or mockery or maybe people are nice about it but you still know and there is the burn of humiliation.

I doubt my little favorite will remember this incident like I do. She may only remember part of it, like feeling bad because her brother shoved her. The whole thing may fade like so much of childhood does, but there may be a result where, without knowing why, she never writes on someone else's page again.

I do know that her father doesn't hold it against her. I don't hold it against her. I know her behavior could count as bratty, but I don't think of her as a brat. Her brother might for a while, which will work itself out, but adults tend to understand that it takes time, and they are willing to allow that time.

That became more clear to me with an incident that I will write about tomorrow.