There are four lights

I have never watched any of the "Star Trek" series regularly, but I have seen various episodes and many of them have made strong impressions on me. The strongest has probably been "Chain of Command".

I haven't even seen the whole thing. I missed the mission, and Picard's capture, and most of the torture, but I remember seeing that final attempt to break him. His torturer knows they are about to take Picard away, but he still has to try. For all the pain that has come every time Picard was asked to say that there were five lights, he has insisted (accurately) that there are four. More pain. Now there is the promise of comfort or pain for the rest of his life, and all he has to do is say that there are five lights. Then there is that interruption where Picard learns it was all a lie, and he is free. Before he goes, though, he has to say it one more time, in a feral, primal shout:

"There are four lights!"

That scene was memorable, but what drove it home for me was the next scene, where Picard is discussing it with Troi. He admits at that point that he could see five lights.

I had been thinking about it more, so I looked it up. Of course it was inspired by 1984.

I do think of it because of the frequent shameless lies. It's not even so much because of the administration lying, which was expected, but because there are people who believe it.

I remember a change within the last few years where people would start giving Lincoln's suspension of habeas corpus during the Civil War and Japanese internment during World War II as examples of how it could be okay to set aside civil rights. Somehow the thread had been lost that these were bad ideas that we regretted.

That went along with my confusion about how people were still listening to Breitbart. They had been shown to lie and edit video multiple times before Planned Parenthood. Anyone remember ACORN and Shirley Sherrod? They were such exaggerated, mustache-twirling caricatures it should have been obvious anyway, unless you were eager to believe it. Maybe that was the problem.

I do think of that, but there is something else more personal for me. I think about the scene over and over again with my mother.

For all of the memories that she has lost, her personality is still there. I see it in her stubbornness at times, but also in her worry. She usually doesn't believe this is home, so she worries about where the pets are. If they are here, do we have food for them? Mainly she worries about my younger sisters, because she keeps thinking there is another set. She gets frantic about the two that are missing.

I try really hard to reassure her that she is at home and she has her children with her and that everything is fine. Sometimes it works, sometimes she gets really sad, and sometimes she gets mad and fights it. That's when I feel like a Cardassian sadist, trying to break her and strip her of what she knows. I am trying to make her see the fifth light.

She feels like she is fighting for her sanity; at least that's how I interpret the desperation that I sense. But what I am trying to tell her is true; if she could accept it and remember it, there should be some relief in it. Ultimately, it's just terrible for all of us. It's not every moment, but it's a frequent interruption and is full of pain.

Putting all of it together, there is a note of fear for me as well. It is frightening how easily truth can be lost. In that light, maybe it makes sense that my Sunday blog just finished an examination of the Constitution and is starting a deep examination of the Savior's life and teachings. Maybe I am afraid that I only think I know some things.

If that is the case, apparently I still believe that I can know them. I still believe that I can count and see lights.