Ruptures -- between 1981 and 1995

While the songs do not go in complete chronological order, the first twelve songs are essentially how my family became the unit that it was in 1981, the first time that my father had an affair.

It's not that he was never difficult before, but some new patterns emerged.

Neil Diamond and Hooked on Classics were things that played with all of us together. For the 14th and 15th, it is music that was shared with one parent or the other, but not both.

As they were working out that they were staying together, one of my father's complaints (he had a pretty long list) was that he wanted Mom to get a job. Because were were still pretty young, she ended up with a night job cleaning office buildings while he was home with the kids.

“Theme from The A-Team by Mike Post 

I am sure there were other shows that we watched, but that is the main one I remember. It may have been the first television show we started quoting to each other. 

The A-Team ran from 1983 to 1987, and I don't know that Mom ever saw an episode. Maybe she saw reruns later.

“Take On Me” by A-ha

Mom may have been gone nights, but it was also about this time that Dad started being gone more on weekends.He said he was hiking; it was probably true at least some of the time.

We spent the weekends with Mom, running errands and visiting people. The main music we listened to in the car was the Hunting High and Low album.

My way back then was to buy records and record them onto blank cassettes so that we had a master copy. Most record sides did not quite match the tape length, so some songs may have played more than once. It did not matter; we all loved this entire album.

There is an old Mother's Day card that my younger sisters made for our mother where they thank her for liking their music. She really did; all of it. We were influenced by hers too, but she was very open to ours and the mid-80s were a great time for music.

Sure, she also developed fondness for Duran Duran and even Metallica, but A-ha was her favorite, exactly as it should have been.

"She Works Hard For The Money" by Donna Summer

She really did. 

Initially Dad had this idea that Mom would turn over her paychecks. She did use her money to pay household expenses, but she got her own checking account, which -- perspective -- had only become legal after she was married. 

She made her own choices and became considerably more independent. Part of that was wanting to work more.

She still did things like being a room mother, but she also found daytime work cleaning houses; first through an agency, and then with her own clients.

At her height, on a typical day she would clean her own house, clean one or two other houses, come home and make dinner, then go and clean a building. I did not appreciate how energetic she had to be then, but I don't take it for granted now. 

Her jobs were also a big part of beginning to make new friends. One of the last activities we arranged before she needed to go into memory care was getting together with a former coworker. 

It took a toll, including her arthritis (which will come up again), but it was good for her too. 

Before the next break, there's another song that's more for me.