The vocabulary of the young

The first thing I need to say is Argh! Getting to the points I am trying to hit here can be difficult.

When I first started following and being followed by younger people, there were differences that I noticed. Not all of the differences were bad, though some concerned me.

For example, lots of girls posted about jealousy and possessiveness just being a sign that he cares. Okay, I am sure there were girls of my generation who thought that too, but that is not merely wrong, it's dangerous.

I haven't seen it for a while now, but "Chanel" was used as an adjective a lot. It was meant as a positive, but in a way that often came out negative. Eating wasn't Chanel, because then you would gain weight and not be able to wear nice clothes, I guess.

I wasn't sure what to do with that one. Coco Chanel was a fighter and survivor, becoming independent and successful. Some of her earliest designs allowed women a greater freedom of movement, abandoning the corseted silhouette for something more sporty and casual. Having no energy and passing out, which happens when you starve yourself, would not be very Chanel in that sense. Of course, she may also have been a Nazi sympathizer, so in that case being Chanel could take in some pretty bad things too. I just think that one might require further thought. Like I said, I haven't seen it for a while.

(I never corrected anyone on Chanel; I did comment on a few posts wanting "jealousy".)

The one that will probably be most important to this discussion is the way they would use the word "perfect".

This was especially true of the girls with eating disorders. It seems like they always had a specific number of pounds to lose, and then they would be perfect.

I saw it in other contexts too, but there was overall this apparent belief that you could be perfect. I swear when I was in school we never thought we could be perfect. We would say that nobody is perfect or nothing is perfect. It wasn't an excuse; it was a reminder to appreciate the things that were good in a situation, instead of looking for flaws and complaining.

I don't know how the change happened, but somehow for them perfection became attainable and therefore required, except it wasn't really attainable - just believed to be so - and therefore it became a source of misery.

Maybe it's not that different. We had all managed to be really aware of our flaws, and of the one thing that we wished we could change. Maybe instead of thinking it would make us perfect we just thought it would make us beautiful or popular or some different word that emotionally meant the same thing.

As I become older and more at peace (only the first one happens automatically), a lot of it comes from accepting that perfection is off the table. Even as I am trying to be organized and diligent in healing up some of these old wounds, and getting better at the things that are important to me, perfection doesn't sound like a real thing.

I can use lots of good words. I think of harmony and balance and freedom. Fulfillment seems possible, and happy I can use a lot now. "Perfect" though, that doesn't seem like something that can happen in mortality, and I don't mind that.

For all its problems, there is a lot of beauty in being human.