Wednesday, October 02, 2013

Why I didn't go to Comic-con


I don't know if it shows in the writing, but I have been in a funk lately. There are a lot of different factors.
With Comic-con itself, there were things going into it where I was not feeling that good about it. That I am not specifying the name is deliberate, as my negative opinions are very much personal, and other people would not feel the same way. It can easily be figured out.
I had expressed concerns earlier about it being too Hollywood. It is definitely bigger, which I am sure was a factor in the organizational issues. There were a lot of messages about schedules coming soon, and still coming, and still being worked on, but eventually I got a notification of an 11-5 shift. That seemed a little long for a volunteer, but okay.
In addition, the tone of the messages, with the nicknames and everything, was just a little too cute. It grated, and again, that is unfair of me. That came across in the orientation, with too much self-deprecation, but not really, but what really bugged me was the emphasis on full-time versus part-time volunteers. As they explained that full-timers were signed up for 8 hours but really would be there for 12 hours, it kind of made sense that they would get special treatment, and again, this is a big endeavor, with a lot of work, but that seems less than ideal. Maybe you need to hire more staffers.
Also, there was an article in the paper about Portland finally having a comic-con worthy of it, no longer having to drive up to Seattle for that type of experience. They did mention Stumptown, but that is creator-focused. Do you know what it means not to be creator-focused? As far as I can tell, more costumes, and an area with celebrities charging $40 per autograph. I don't actually like anyone enough to pay $40 for an autograph. I realize it's an important part of the economic viability of some careers, but with creators, $40 will probably get you multiple books which they will sign with little drawings.
So, those were all things that made me not enthusiastic about my shift, but I was still planning on going, and when they needed extra people to show up and direct lines at 8, I was going to do that. I am good at managing lines; that's one of my special talents! That would have meant being there from 8 to 5, with not much time for looking around, but I was going to do it. And then I woke up and I just couldn't.
I have not been taking care of myself enough. It could be much worse. It reminded me of that time when I couldn't do the Fanconi Anemia walk. Now, that time my poor choices from putting my own needs last led to food poisoning and projectile vomiting. This was just being too tired to get up. Some rest will take care of that. I start a vacation Saturday.
That is good, but that is its own stress. The money feels so much tighter for this one that it feels like it will be the last vacation ever. Maybe it's that I don't believe in my writing taking off anymore, which was what was always going to fix everything, and lift me to a higher income level. I have been able to keep the blogs going, and create the monthly comic, but I'm not accomplishing anything for profit. So, that's a concern.
Still, if this is the last vacation I can afford, I'm going to make the most of it, and see if I can reset, and find this balance where I can feel okay about what I am doing and not doing.
So, much of that is not really about comic cons at all. Clearly though, Stumptown is the true home of my heart.

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