Bully

I was watching an episode of "Judge Judy" with feuding neighbors. There had been various issues, but one incident had involved one child shoving another in the bathroom and injuring him. The child who shoved claimed that the other had been bullying him, and Judy disagreed with that because the other child was smaller.

I don't doubt for a minute that the smaller child was harassing the bigger one, constantly saying aggravating things. That can be really frustrating. There's a special stress that comes with taking abuse that you should be able to stop, but would get in trouble for doing so. Some older siblings really understand this, and some just get into trouble.

If we are going to specifically focus on bullying, though, it implies an imbalance of power. Maybe that person is physically bigger and more dangerous, or maybe they control your working situation, or maybe it is multiple people working together so that not only is the subject outnumbered but it feels like society is united against you.

I think we are overusing the word. That's not to say that bullying doesn't happen a lot; it does. When it becomes an all-purpose word though, it can get used wrong, and even when it would be an applicable word, as a label it oversimplifies it. One larger kid picking on a smaller child on the playground would be dealt with differently than a group of teen girls sending abusive texts.

In addition, labeling the ones on the abusive side as bullies oversimplifies them. There may be several weak people following one leader, there could be someone with emotional issues who needs to learn different ways of expression, but that label "bully" reduces it to simply "You're bad." (And, they may either internalize that or not believe it at all.)

I get hung up on word use a lot. I'm a highly verbal nerd, so that comes naturally to me, but also, words are the basis of our communication. There are ways of getting things across non-verbally, but even then, we are probably thinking things about the non-verbal communication via words. Using words correctly is important for us to understand each other, and for any growth that we can make.

Therefore, it bothers me when people use words incorrectly. I don't like it when they use words wrong because they don't really know the meaning, but usually they are not the only ones, and it's a common issue, and we can work on that.

I really dislike it when people use language specifically for the purpose of deceiving. That's just evil.

Somewhere in between is a mix when people may believe that they are using a word correctly. They're not exactly being dishonest on purpose, but their dishonesty is possible because through various combinations of entitlement, hypocrisy, or self-righteousness, they don't get it and it works well for them to get it.

That's sort of where we're heading next, and it's not really about the teenagers. I do think about bullying and abuse in terms of the teens, but it has been even more frustrating seeing the poor examples we set for them. At least when they are young you can think they will grow out of it, but some people don't. That's what I'm thinking about now.