This title
does not really feel accurate, but it's succinct while getting close, so I'm
going for it.
If you
haven't noticed, my last two posts have been unusually short, and the reason
that's been happening is that I have this unusually messy thing that I am
trying to get at, and to be coherent I have only taken small chunks. Now I
think it's just time to be messy.
I wrote
about intersectionality a while back, but there has been more going on. I don't
think it is a good use of my time to go over the history of the conflicts,
because I am late to the game. There is plenty of information that is out
there, and it has been said well. There are things that bother me, and I am
just going to get them off my chest in no particular order.
First of
all, back to that bullying thing. If you are the one in power, you are not
being bullied. If articles about it quote the white feminists but all of the
feminist of color are unnamed sources, the cited people are not getting
bullied. If you get paid to write an article about how mean the internet is to
you, and you have a syndicated column and legislative contacts and corporate
sponsorships, a hash tag that spoofs your slogan in a manner pointing out its
deficiencies is not bullying. Some people get inundated with death threats and
rape threats, which takes a huge emotional toll. It's important to keep some perspective.
Also,
beyond not every attack being bullying, not every criticism is an attack. I say
this as someone who truly hates criticism. It doesn't matter how nice you are
about it, I am withering inside, because I will be mortified to find out I was
in error. Okay, if you are deliberately mean, that would be worse, so I guess
it does matter, but my point is that you cannot completely remove the sting. While
I recognize that as a hang up on my part, no one really loves being criticized.
Here's the
thing: if you do correct me on something, no matter how much I am cringing
inside, I am not going to make that your problem. I am going to listen, and if
the correction is valid I am going to agree and try and fix it. That's simply
the adult thing to do. Perpetuating an error to spare my feelings, especially
for something that matters, would be ridiculous. I will recover and I will grow
from it. This is a totally normal part of maturity.
I don't
think the intentions are generally bad, but they shouldn't be so clueless.
Really, there were tweets from people saying they were scared to speak up
because they might be criticized. How can you possibly be effective as any kind
of activist if you're scared someone might say something mean to you? If you're
going to be that delicate, you're reinforcing the stereotype of women being
delicate and needing male protection, just as men who excuse rape perpetuate an
image of men as brutes with no self-control. It's baffling, and I have to think
they aren't really thinking it through.
That lack
of thinking then carries through to their efforts, where some things can cause
a lot of harm. It's probably not intentional, but that's all the more reason to
listen. If all of your solutions for violence against women involve
strengthening law enforcement, but women in some communities are being
assaulted by law enforcement, what have you done? If in order to protect
children you make it a crime for a women to stay with the abuser, but you don't
provide resources and support for her to leave, what then?
While this
wasn't the beginning or the end of the conflict, a lot of it centered around a
group of women meeting to plot how to use the internet for advancing feminism,
and part of that was how they could get funded. The criticism came from the
exclusion of various groups and geographies, certainly, but I think there are
some important things about the funding aspect.
One of the
reasons Twitter has become so important for this is because it is free and open
to anyone. You do need internet access, but that is relatively easy to obtain -
much easier than knowing the right people and having the right connections.
People who
are creating helpful dialogues (and hash tags) on Twitter are not getting paid
to do so. That may limit the amount of time they spend at it, but you can't
doubt their passion, and that they are in the trenches somewhere, teaching or
in school, or whatever their occupation is, may actually give them a better
understanding of what these needs are. No women on the board of directors is a
legitimate concern, but I think it is more urgent that indigenous women go missing
and no one cares. Food deserts are more pressing. Events that have corporate
sponsors tend to be less progressive, and there's a reason for that.
There are
really so many things I could bring up here, and it probably would not be
valuable, but this is my main thought.
If your
work, whether on behalf of people of color or women or any other group, has
been about getting yourself a better place in the hierarchy, and then
maintaining that place, you are part of the problem. Stop.
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