Along the path

Friends have asked what I want to do after I have graduated.

My most honest answer is that I want to gain all the knowledge of the world and share it with everyone without charging them.

I know this isn't a solid career plan. For one thing, my future desires include continuing to have food and shelter and going on vacations. Maybe getting into clothes that I like better.

Whatever I end up doing to support myself, that will certainly still be a hobby.

I got my BA in 1996, but of course I kept on reading and learning, taking learning very seriously. 

Over time I started noticing how information could support other information. If you knew this piece over here first, when you came across that other piece it would make more sense. My ideas were mostly about putting the pieces together in a helpful order.

Once you start learning about instructional design, that's a relatively small part of it. Then it becomes more about how learning works and what conditions suit it best. What is the essence and what is a distraction? Does the information you are providing and the way you are providing it serve the desired outcome? How do you know if you are achieving the goal?

Realistically, a lot of the job is more about working with people who know the subject; then you help them with the imparting of what they know.

This is fine, as me actually getting to know everything myself isn't really plausible. 

Yesterday I posted about how I would still blog. I could blog about things that I know about, even without creating a full learning module.

That can go beyond blogs. There are books and podcasts and Youtube videos and TikToks and all sorts of ways of getting information out there, some of it interesting and valid and some of it less so.

I have taken a lot of the big online classes through Coursera and other platforms. I had thought of putting out information in ways similar to a PowerPoint presentation. Those classes are a lot like that, except they usually have some quizzes rolled in and maybe some assignments. 

Those are usually peer-reviewed, if anything, because if you want the instructor (or the instructor's graduate assistant) to pay any attention, you need to pay, which I generally wasn't doing.

It's the assignments and tests where the learning tends to really come together. Assessments.

If you just want to give information away, people may not value it, they may not do the work, and they may not actually learn.

It doesn't have to be that way.

Many years ago my friend Rose and I took some classes through the rec center, learning how to make salsas, chutneys, and flavored oils and vinegar.

Learning about the extension service, we wanted to learn more. I ended up becoming a Master Food Preserver and she was going to become a Master Gardener, but I think she moved before she could finish that.

Before that, we put the knowledge into practice. We canned pears together and we picked raspberries and made freezer jam. I later taught a class on how to make salsa, but I seem to remember her making a batch also.

You can do things with knowledge, whether someone is checking up on you or not. 

Of course, you have to want to do so. 

There seems to be less of that around. That's a constant worry.

Putting it out there

While looking for the right capstone project, I put out a general inquiry on Facebook for what topics people were interested in.

I really was looking for ideas, but I also keep meaning to interact more; I am not always good about that.

I got a lot of responses, which was good for the interaction part. 

The ideas were interesting, but mostly not usable.

There are some requirements for completing the project successfully that wouldn't work with most of the suggestions, at least not without the right collaborator. That's it's own topic.

I also know there are already good sources of information out there for many of the ideas. Now, if those sources are not well known, maybe that's something that I could help with, but it wouldn't make sense for me to develop a learning module on it.

The other thing, though, is I suspect with a lot of the suggested topics it is not so much that people don't know what to do, but more that they aren't doing it.

For example, with parking lot and driving etiquette, there might be a knowledge gap, but I think the bigger issue is that lots of people do not care how their actions affect others. 

If such people then do not respect coworkers or other departments in the workplace, or are rude in stores or on sidewalks... well, the instructional problem isn't the etiquette; it's the motivation to care about the etiquette.

It's the motivation to care about each other.

If you have noticed problems with that, you are not alone and you are not wrong. That might be more of an issue for a support group than a learning module.

It makes the suggestion for a module on burnout understandable, and I have some experience with that. For creating a module and then testing learners on their interaction and to do so responsibly... that takes a different level of qualification.

Obviously, I will still blog about things, and I might work on creating other modules on my own time for things that I care about. For practical reasons I need to focus on graduating and projects that will contribute to that.

However, if you think that my posting about dominator culture might relate to people not caring how they treat others, you are right.

And if you think I am likely to write about dominator culture again, you are probably right about that too. 

I will also keep trying to remember to post more on Facebook and look at others' posts, because that matters to me.

It is just hard to do it all. 

School update

I have selected the topic I am going to work on for my capstone.

What's the capstone?

In the Education and Instructional Design masters program, you learn about both instruction and design. Makes sense.

There were classes that focused more on learning principles and thinking and motivation, and others that were more about design elements, then they were put together in the last class before the capstone, the Design Lab.

For that you had to come up with an instructional problem and create a complete learning module for it. In previous classes, there were mockups and segments and descriptions of approaches, but the lab was a chance to work out all of the kinks when you are doing the whole thing.

Then you tried other students' modules, giving and receiving feedback.

Now I am creating a learning module, but this time there are going to be actual learners, not other students in the same department. We will also have to research something about the impact on the learners, working with analytics to understand things about the effectiveness of the module from the results and write that up.

The process goes over three classes, but all of the assignments within those classes are related; that's the capstone. 

I am working on an issue with licensed clinical social workers treating clients with intellectual disability.

That's an important part of my progress, but the real update is how long it took me to get here.

I struggled with that lab.

Part of it was the tools, most of which I kind of hate now. As I will need to continue to use them, I am going to keep working with those tools and get better at them. Will I improve enough to like them? 

We'll see.

A big part of it was also life circumstances. You know how so many of those recent posts have focused on the coming death of my mother and trying to come to terms with losing her?

Yeah, there was a period where my concentration was pretty shot. That didn't help.

My transcript has two incompletes on it. They are both passed now, but they took too long. 

For the first one, the technical difficulties were not my fault. 

On the most recent one, I like to think that I can and should have done better, but I also thought I was going to finish my degree six months early when I was starting out. 

Maybe I needed to be taken down a peg.

There have been two parts to finally making headway, both of which are important.

One is that you need to keep showing up, day after day. 

I never made it as far in a single day as I wanted to (maybe on the day I actually finished the lab), but I would get something done, which could not happen if I did not show up.

The other thing is that I needed to work out the emotions. If those songs and blog posts about the songs seemed self-indulgent, they were also helpful for me.

I was able to do better work when the emotions started to resolve. 

When I say you can't ignore those things indefinitely, I really mean that. 

January daily songs

There shouldn't be that much to write with this one; there are already several posts.

To recap, the songs for January became a soundtrack that I worked out to tell the story of my parents -- but mostly my mother -- and me.

It is a literal playlist on both Spotify and Youtube, both called Farewell. (The Youtube one is missing "The Long Walk Home" for reasons I discuss in that post.

I listened to the music a lot, often while writing the blog posts but also while writing in my journal and thinking about everything. It has helped me come to terms. 

I'm not saying that process would work for everyone, but I am grateful to be drawn toward healing in the way that works for me. I hope you can find the ways that work for you. 

If ignoring the hurt seems like the way to go, I am familiar with that one. I can't even rule it out as an important temporary step, but it's not a lasting solution.

A lot of this has been about moving the needle from unbearably sad to bearable. That's worth something. 

I have felt a lot of love while going through this. I extend it to you now, with whatever you are going through.

Songs and posts:

The divisions aren't quite perfect. They couldn't be. 

https://sporkful.blogspot.com/2026/01/musically-all-about-my-mother-and-my.html 

1/1 “New Year’s Day” by Reggie and the Full Effect
1/2 “59 Sound” by The Gaslight Anthem 

https://sporkful.blogspot.com/2026/01/fly-my-thoughts-va-pensiero.html

1/3 “Va Pensiero” from Nabucco by Giuseppe Verdi, performed by the Berlin Opera Orchestra
1/4 “Triumphal March” from Aida by Giuseppe Verdi, performed by the Budapest Symphonic Orchestra 

https://sporkful.blogspot.com/2025/05/a-little-bit-more-on-music.html

1/5 “Volare” by Domenico Modugno
1/6 “Come Prima” by Tony Dallara
1/7 “Lonely Boy” by Paul Anka 

https://sporkful.blogspot.com/2026/01/butterfly.html

1/8 “Un bel di vedremo” from Madame Butterfly by Giacomo Puccini, performed by Maria Callas 

https://sporkful.blogspot.com/2026/01/the-flight-of-butterfly.html

1/9 “Coming to America” by Neil Diamond
1/10 “The Living Years” by Mike + The Mechanics
1/11 “The Holy City” by the Tabernacle Choir 

https://sporkful.blogspot.com/2026/01/hooked-on-culture.html

1/12 “Rondo Alla Turca” 

https://sporkful.blogspot.com/2026/01/more-about-my-father.html 

1/13 “I Can’t Make You Love Me” by Bonnie Raitt 

https://sporkful.blogspot.com/2026/01/ruptures-between-1981-and-1995.html 

1/14 “Theme from The A-Team by Mike Post
1/15 “Take On Me” by A-ha
1/16 “She Works Hard For The Money” by Donna Summer 

https://sporkful.blogspot.com/2026/01/bon-jovi.html 

1/17 “Livin’ On A Prayer” by Bon Jovi 

https://sporkful.blogspot.com/2026/01/from-1995-to-2011.html 

1/18 “You’re A Friend of Mine” by Clarence Clemons & Jackson Browne
1/19 “I Will Survive” by Gloria Gaynor
1/20 “Vacation” by The Go-Go’s
1/21 “Joy and Pain” by Rob Base and DJ E-Z Rock
1/22 “The Big Bang Theory Theme Song” by Barenaked Ladies
1/23 “Howlin’ For You” by the Black Keys 

https://sporkful.blogspot.com/2026/02/into-home-stretch.html 

1/24 “The Long Walk Home” by Glen Campbell*
1/25 “Won’t Give In” by The Finn Brothers
1/26 “Time To Say Goodbye” by Sarah Brightman and Andrea Bocelli
1/27 “Torna a Surriento” by Luciano Pavarotti
1/28 “A Better Place” by Glen Campbell 

https://sporkful.blogspot.com/2026/02/nearing-end.html 

1/29 “Hourglass” by Mary J. Blige
1/30 “Je Ne Regrette Rien” by Edith Piaf
1/31 “The Girl With the Flaxen Hair” by Debussy, performed by Walter Morse Rummel 

But also Jim Croce

When I was working on the "Farewell" playlist, "The Long Walk Home" kept making me think of "I Got a Name" by Jim Croce.

It's not unusual that one musical passage reminds me of another -- that can lead to mixing fun -- but I wanted to look into it more.

I foolishly tried looking up "I've Got a Name", but found the correct title and the artist. 

I never knew a lot about Jim Croce, but somehow when the ads for his music played, the ones that stuck in my head more were "Bad, Bad Leroy Brown" and "You Don't Mess Around With Jim". I wasn't surprised it was his, but I hadn't thought of it.

There were two things that stuck out immediately as I read about the song.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/I_Got_a_Name_(song) 

First is that it was rare for him to record songs written by other people. This one spoke to him and his relationship with his father, who had not lived to see his son's success (which apparently he did help fund, but more as a lesson or a long shot than as a show of confidence).

Maybe that hit a little close to home. 

In addition, the word "posthumously" stuck out.

That's when I read about the plane crash.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jim_Croce 

Not only was I Got A Name a posthumous release that did really well, but You Don't Mess Around With Jim -- although it was already out -- did not go to number one until after he died.

It's not only that his father didn't really get to see his success, but neither did Jim. 

Some of the songs suddenly seemed more resonant, especially "Time in a Bottle".

"There never seems to be enough time to do the things you want to do once you find them."

It was more poignant learning that a letter he wrote just before he died told his wife (and songwriting partner) that he wanted to be done touring and do other things. 

I had just seen a post from his son because it was Jim Croce's birthday (his birthday was January 10th and I looked the song up on the 14th or 15th).

A.J. Croce was almost two when his father died.

That hit too.

It sounds like Ingrid kept Jim a presence in A.J.'s life, and he has toured playing his father's music (as well as making his own music), which I think must lead to some feelings of closeness, but it's sad.

For all of the pain we have now, we did have a lot of quality time with our mother.

Then, whatever you do get, you just have to do the best you can. 

Nearing the end

It was hard to know how to conclude.

I guess it would have to be.

I have been listening to a lot and reading and writing a lot. I know that things work together, but sometimes there are specific parts that stick out.

Reading in The Myth of Closure by Pauline Boss, there was a part about making meaning and coming to terms. Sometimes maybe the answer is just a life well-lived, and that can be enough.

That actually fits.

My mother was was working class, not particularly educated, and certainly not rich or famous. She was not perfect, but she was good. She kept going when things were hard, she cared about people, and she lived according to her values. 

That's pretty good.

That led to two of the last songs: 

1/29 “Hourglass” by Mary J. Blige
1/30 “Je Ne Regrette Rien” by Edith Piaf

If time is running out and there is a reckoning, are you going to be okay with your choices?

I loved "Hourglass" from the first time I heard it, closing out a documentary about Mary J. Blige.(That was My Life from 2011, but I watched it in 2021.)

"Je Ne Regrette Rien" has been around a lot longer, but I don't think I had heard it before the Dove commercial. 

That depicts a more adventurous life than Mom's, but it's still true. She doesn't have to regret anything.

As I was thinking about that, it became true for me as well.

Caring for her has been emotionally, physically, and financially hard. I always knew it was the right thing to do, so that's what I did. 

That may be the ways in which we are most alike; we had a lot of differences. Most of our conflicts came because of those differences, but we are also alike. 

I wouldn't have regretted it anyway, but I feel like the burnout is finally clearing up, and I am in school and getting closer to graduation... there is a new sense of possibility.

Yeah, there's going to be pain along the path; what's new? But there's going to be joy and good things too. 

That made the right choice for closing obvious. 

1/31 “The Girl With the Flaxen Hair” by Debussy, performed by Walter Morse Rummel

Well, obvious to me. 

The title indicates one thing, but the image that music evokes for me is something like floating down a canyon. The end of the gorge is approaching and the view is going to open up, but for right now all you know is that there is light ahead, but not what the light will show.

I am feeling more ready for what's next.

Related posts:

https://preparedspork.blogspot.com/2024/08/my-mother-my-talk.html  

Into the home stretch

Those first traces of memory loss were present as we were working out details with the knee surgery, but it was easy to brush them aside.

She was only not taking in details about the surgery, which was stressful and scary. She had not lost any past memories yet. 

That was only the beginning.

The chronological order doesn't work as well here, because things become more disjointed.

1/24 “The Long Walk Home” by Glen Campbell*
1/25 “Won’t Give In” by The Finn Brothers
1/26 “Time To Say Goodbye” by Sarah Brightman and Andrea Bocelli
1/27 “Torna a Surriento” by Luciano Pavarotti
1/28 “A Better Place” by Glen Campbell

Let's start with the two songs that use Italian, "Torno a Surriento" and "Time To Say Goodbye" (which is partially in English).

One of Mom's cleaning customers was always influencing her music tastes, which was how Mom ended up with The Phantom of the Opera with Sarah Brightman and with Andrea Bocelli. (Also Il Divo and Yanni Live at the Acropolis. I bought her the Three Tenors.)

When I hoped singing practice would be a good way to fend off the decline, these were both songs I tried. I had better luck with "O Sole Mio" but the journey aspect of these songs works for me for representing when I became her full-time caregiver in 2016 and when I took her to Italy one last time in 2017. 

I am also using two songs by Glen Campbell; that doesn't sound like me.

On the other hand, reading about the Wrecking Crew and then watching the documentary -- including the documentary extras -- sounds a lot like me. 

There were some interview segments with Campbell in the extras, and there was a familiarity to the way he was talking... I was not surprised later to find out that he had dementia too.

I later found a documentary about him and a memoir from his wife that dealt with the disease, as well as new music. 

The first song I heard was "I'm Not Gonna Miss You." It resonated with me and I understood the approach, but it's a little too raw for my personal soundtrack. The other two songs work better, especially as they indicate a journey and something after.

Notice that asterisk with "The Long Walk Home"? Both of the songs are from the album I'll Be Me, which I appreciated a lot. 

After he died (7 years after!) there was another release, Duets, where different artists sang "with" him. I am not sure that he had any input into it, but there are some really good musicians participating and I guess it's a nice idea.

However, the original version of "The Long Walk Home" with only Glen Campbell is not available on Youtube except to premium members. It looks like someone else had tried to post it and it was taken down. You can only get the version with Hope Sandoval. 

Look, if I had any interest in that curiously flat and grating version of the song, I would hide better versions too. I listened to it, trying to see if I could bear to share it. I shared a link to Spotify instead.

I guess I am just lucky that he'd actually shot a music video for "A Better Place." 

I have written about "Won't Give In" before, and a lot of those feelings still apply.

I'll link to that, adding the context that it was after I'd had one really hard time and couldn't write anymore, or really enjoy anything. 

As things started to get better, new music sparked creativity and joy. I was writing a lot, and I needed that, but also there was a lot of death (and fighting against tyranny) in the work. 

Ultimately, how it worked for me was helping me to be okay with death and loss, that there was still value, and it was really important to cherish people and the time you have with them.  

Good thing I had worked that out already.

Related posts:

https://sporkful.blogspot.com/2012/09/the-aberration.html