With friends like these...

You may have heard about the disappearance, then death, of Nolan Wells on Horn Island in Mississippi over July 4th:

https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2026/jul/07/nolan-wells-body-found-mississippi-island 

There is a lot of speculation and now there is a lot of misinformation:

https://www.mississippifreepress.org/officials-seek-publics-help-in-nolan-wells-death-investigation-as-misinformation-spreads/ 

Discussions happening on Twitter are giving examples of the danger of Black people being isolated with white people.

I am not going to link to any of the threads because I don't want anyone targeted. Plus, if you do find the threads, you will find serious comments plus floods of white people saying it's reversed and the Black people are the dangerous ones and remember Iryna Zarutska! 

They recently made almost the exact same comments when people expressed concern over a lone Black woman on a DC Metro train surrounded by masked Patriot Front members. I think that, if for multiple events that come up you keep countering with the same example, it weakens your case.

With this discussion, the personal examples were not that your white friends will murder you. It is more that there might be a carelessness or mischief that is not intended to result in death, or even harm, but still can.

One example was a girl in college whose white friends insisted that she accompany them to a party; she needed to loosen up. The moment she had a drink in hand and a guy approached her, the friends suddenly disappeared. Someone else looked out for her and escorted her home, but that could have had a worse ending.

(While walking her home, that guy said "Get better friends" and he was right.) 

There were mainly things like that, being left without a ride or adjacent to danger, sometimes with injuries but usually just a close call. Of course, these are the people who lived to tell their stories. 

Of the non-personal examples, people brought up Tamla Horsford; she did not survive.

There was also video of a family paddle-boarding that found a young man in the water whose "friends" were making monkey noises at him and telling him he would be fine because he had a (child's) life jacket. The family gave him a tow. While he declined their offer of a ride, they did check to make sure he got home safely. 

That could have been worse.

The helpful family was white. Obviously there are many people who not be terrible and who will step in when other people are being terrible. 

However, we have a history going back of Black people being supposed to be unusually strong and with a higher tolerance for pain, as well as being lazy and criminal and sexually available and all sorts of other stereotypes swirled in with an expectation that their labor and helpfulness and deference belongs to the white people around them. 

We also have people working diligently to roll back any protections, as well as erasing the history so their efforts don't look so insidious.

In a world where some religious leaders talk about the "sin of empthy" and decry "wokeness," is it any surprise that things like this happen?

Or that there are people (maybe bots) with nothing better to do than to tell you it's not like that?

This is where we are. 

We need to be actively anti-racist.  

Which is just one more reason that Nazi tattoos need to be immediately disqualifying. 

Worse than we'd like

I also recently finished Nobody's Girl by Virginia Giuffre.

In April I had also read The Lasting Harm by Lucia Osborne Crowley. They join a long list of books I have read about rape culture and harassment.

One thing that I hadn't really thought of before reading Nobody's Girl was the impact of #MeToo.

The lawsuits had been going on, along with the discovery and a shameful plea agreement years before. They picked up traction because of #MeToo and the prosecution of Harvey Weinstein.

That's wrong and unfortunate, but it wouldn't seem as horrible if we had really made progress in this area. 

As it is, there is still the tendency to dismiss and downgrade and call things unsubstantiated even when the substantiation is right there. 

There are still people who only want to hear about the Epstein Files if they relate to Democrats. 

Platner supporters wouldn't listen to Lyndsay Fifield because she was a Republican; with even worse allegations from a Democrat, finally most people are willing to let him go. 

(At least one person is still assuming she remembered it wrong, some are saying she is lying, and of course none of it should have mattered in the first place because the Nazi tattoo should have been disqualifying right away, but that's for a different post. We'll get there.)

There is a long litany of only lightly-punished convictions for men raping and murdering women. 

Do I say that supporting the carceral state? That's also a longer discussion, but since we do have a carceral state, then looking at what is punished and who is punished is telling. It remains really hard to find that a woman's bodily autonomy and welfare can be held equal to a man's, and be more important than his right to abuse her.

It is really disappointing that protecting children only gets used as a motive to attack drag queens and vaccines.

Whenever the discussion comes up, in addition to replies that the girls knew what they were doing or got paid, you will find people asserting that once someone is menstruating that she is a woman and at the peak age, so it's all good.

No, not all men, but too many.

And it's sickening. 

This is happening in the same era where I keep seeing more serious discussion about how universal suffrage was a mistake.

As easy as it would be to think that is just talk, there were people who kept asserting that Roe v. Wade was settled law right up until the Supreme Court was adequately stocked by Trump. Then there was a case already to go.

Convenient.

Except it's not convenience, it's planning.

There are scheming, evil people who know what they are doing to shred every tool to help there be equity and inclusion among diversity.

I don't like that, but it wouldn't matter so much if there were not so many people who say they are against that level, but will still say that she was almost an adult, or discount coercion, or find "woke" to be a bad thing without stopping to think what it means or why there are people who don't like it.

We all need to be more actively engaged, and with more care for each other. 

Better than we'd hope

Sunday I mentioned how my blogging tends to revolve around stories that I hope will help people spot patterns:

https://preparedspork.blogspot.com/2026/07/bewaring-of-pride-differently.html 

If you've been reading my posts for a while, you may have noticed. 

One reason I trust that method is that I see it working for myself as books and documentaries and articles and things come together to clarify relationships and reasons.

I am still thinking a lot about politics, elections, and dominator culture, but I am going to try and get to the current moment in a roundabout manner, referring to things that I have read. 

Currently I am reading a book about complexity, The Perfect Swarm by Len Fisher.

As the title might help you guess, a lot of what it looks at is large group movement and communication within those groups. That includes fish, birds, bees, and ants, but also humans, in pedestrian traffic and stampedes and all sorts of scenarios.

There were a couple of things that really interested me, where people come off better than you might hope.

One was an account of the deaths at the Who concert in Cincinnati in 1979. 

The media depicted the concert-goers as barbarians and drug-numbed and uncaring, but actually there were many people helping and trying to protect others. 

In this way it reminded me of the way the news reported the murder of Kitty Genovese, which I have written about previously:

https://preparedspork.blogspot.com/2023/10/aid-or-apathy.html 

News coverage is still a problem, but the point for today is that even in stressful situations we can be caring and altruistic.

Looking at other situations featured in the book (and influenced by the work of Anthony R. Mawson), it is even more noticeable when people are connected, both to places and each other.

The downside of this is that people may be reluctant to evacuate their homes when necessary, but if they do understand they need to evacuate, they are likely to locate their family members and work together as a group. 

One thing that helps soldiers maintain order is having other trusted soldiers in sight. If they know they can rely on someone around them, it is easier to do what they need to do.

I love that we love each other and want to take care of each other; that's a beautiful thing.

It worries me seeing over time how much of my social life has been dictated by my coworkers. Those attachments feel real but generally fade quickly when the job changes. 

I think we need to spend more time with families and neighbors so that proximity can be more helpful.

There's also a lot to be side for learning about emergency preparedness so that we are better able to understand when to evacuate and how to make sure everyone gets out quickly. Drills can be great.

I worry about a how a lot of people don't inspire great confidence; being in a crowd with them when things go wrong would not be ideal.

There are real problems that I can't deny, but I still love that we love and want to take care of each other. 

There is a spark there that we should nurture. 

Songs for AAPI Heritage

Finding the ACLU Native American Heritage Month playlist really helped me find some new things. I wondered if they might be helpful for some of my other months.

Yes, their Asian American and Pacific Islander Heritage month playlist was huge.

Part of my problem has tended to be worrying about if the artists I used should count. Maybe they were Asian, not American, or only one member of the band was or I had no idea they were because another part of their heritage was more obvious.

I ended up just not worrying about it.I did know that the Van Halen brothers had Asian heritage, but did not think about it. Someone from the ACLU included them. Okay. Why not?

Suddenly I had more songs than I knew what to do with.

The Farewell playlist took me up to April 18th, so this group of songs could start in April and go into May, but there were so many more. I wanted to go longer, but then June is always a month of conflict for me because it is both Black Music Month and Pride Month.

This is where things get messy again.

I have extended songs for Black History Month multiple times, as well as sometimes doing some selections that made me really explore new music for Black Music Month. Maybe I could skip? Or delay, but then July is Disability Pride Month.

Here's how it's playing out:

Songs from 4/19 through 6/30 were by AAPI artists (possibly with a looser definition). There were quotes from AAPI people every day in May, but June quotes were from Black musicians.

July music and quotes are from people with disabilities, but then August will be music and quotes from queer people. 

I believe I can live with this. 

4/19 “Upside” by Judith Hill
4/20 “Tenderness” by Jay Som
4/21 “Don’t Wanna Love” by Jujube
4/22“When This Rain Stops” by WENDY
4/23 “Don’t Hold Your Breath” by Nichole Scherzinger
4/24 “Ain’t That Peculiar” by Fanny
4/25 “Crying on the Subway” by Hana Vu
4/26 “I Miss You My Hawaii” Na Leo, Na Leo Pilimehana
4/27 “Ordinary Pleasure” by Toro y Moi
4/28 “Going Back To Where I Belong” by Sugar Pie DeSanto
4/29 “The Hukilau Song” by Don Ho
4/30 “Breathe” by Michelle Branch

5/1 “Just You And Me” by Zee Avi
5/2 “Division in the Heartland” by Bruce Lee Band
5/3 “In the Land of Dreams” by Kesang Marstrand
5/4 “You Don’t Know” by The Chinkees
5/5 “Bait & Switch” by Emily’s Sassy Lime
5/6 “Dream” by Priscilla Ahn
5/7 “Gee” by Girls’ Generation
5/8 “Nothing To Hide” by Rebel Souljahz
5/9 “The Story of My Love” by Chhoun Malay
5/10 “Mamalu O Samoa” by Pacific Soul
5/11 “Unloving You” by Alex Aiono
5/12 “29” by Run River North
5/13 “Killer Joe” by The Rocky Fellers
5/14 “Come Back Home” by 2NE1
5/15 “Lonely” by B1A4
5/16 “You Never Know” by BLACKPINK
5/17 “Glory” by Hodgy
5/18 “Dinosaur” by AKMU
5/19 “3 Nights” by Dominic Fike
5/20 “Maybe Maybe” by The Chairs
5/21 “Little Dreamer” by Van Halen
5/22 “Don’t Say You Love Me” by The Cambodian Space Project
5/23 “Underneath the Marshmallow Tree” by Elena Moon Park
5/24 “Hymn of Acxiom” by Vienna Tang
5/25 “Heard It All Before” by Dinah Jane
5/26 “Five O’Clock Whistle” by Mavis Rivers
5/27 “Heather” by Conan Gray
5/28 “Soon” by Moonpools & Caterpillars
5/29 “Left Hand Side” by Latasha Lee
5/30 “The Ultra-Violence” by Death Angel
5/31 “The Future Is Female” by Madame Gandhi

6/1 “Nyano Ghar” by Dibesh Pokharel/Arthur Gunn
6/2 “Family Business” by Dengue Fever
6/3 “Jowenna” by Fiji
6/4 “It Makes You Forget (Itgehane)” by Peggy Gou
6/5 “Wolf Totem” by The HU
6/6 “Cough Syrup” by Young the Giant
6/7 “The Start of Something” by Voxtrot
6/8 “Bittersweet” by Big Head Todd and The Monsters
6/9 “Bitter Love” by Pia Mia
6/10 “Talkin’ To Me” by Amerie
6/11 “Crush” by Yuna, Usher
6/12 “lowkey” by NIKI
6/13 “Waimanalo Blues” by Country Comfort with Billy Kaui, Chuck Lee, and Randy Lorenzo
6/14 “I’m Not Afraid” by Holland
6/15 “Oom Sha La La” by Haley Heynderickx
6/16 “Remember the Name” by Fort Minor feat. Styles of Beyond
6/17 “Getting By” by Long Beard
6/18 “Real Thing” by Turnstile
6/19 “The Reason” by Hoobastank
6/20 “Str8 Outta Mumbai” by Jai Paul
6/21 “Hide Away” by Daya
6/22 “Thin Ice” by Outburst
6/23 “Masterpiece” by Summer C
6/24 “Let’s Do It Again” by J Boog
6/25 “Twist in My Sobriety” by Tanita Tikaram
6/26 “Until the World Goes Cold” by Trivium
6/27 “Long Yellow Road” by Toshiko Akiyoshi
6/28 “I Do” by Susie Suh
6/29 “Plastic Love” by Maria Takeuchi
6/30 “Movin’ on without you” by Kikaru Utada

The unpredictability of seeds

One area where I am aware of how little control I have is my garden.

I have written about gardening issues before, and how there is so much outside of your control:

https://sporkful.blogspot.com/2025/12/an-apparent-detour-new-garden-update.html 

https://sporkful.blogspot.com/2025/01/three-things-gardens.html 

One post has examples of things I understood and didn't. A fun example that I did not include was: the year that I planted corn, and then my yard was full of crows pecking. Only one corn stalk tried to grow and didn't make it... I was pretty sure I understood what had happened there.

Anyway, part of that saga was thinking that maybe the issue was the soil, working on that, and getting a late start this year. One concern about the soil was the pumpkin seeds not growing. This year there would be no reason for that, but the pumpkin seeds still aren't sprouting.

I'm wondering now if the issue is the seeds, Ed Hume Jack-o-lanterns. I have bought those for two years, but previously it had been something else. In general I think the Ed Hume seeds are good, but maybe that particular one is a bad fit for me. Now I am experimenting with some different sprouting methods, but my beans and peas have not been coming up either, and the peas were strong last year, just late.

Corn, potatoes, and sunflowers are doing well, so it's not a total loss and there is still more planting going on... 

It can be discouraging. 

The phrase "growing like a weed" is apt, but it is only the weeds that shoot up like that. 

One of my issues is that my goals are both growing food for the humans but also being a friend to nature. Add to that lots of space, not always as much time or energy as I would like, and it feels like I have a mess. Grass is so sterile and wasteful and against all my goals, but it is perfectly socially acceptable. I feel like a messy hippie; what will the neighbors think?

I also decided to help keep me on track that I should post a daily picture for the summer. It's a reasonable goal and can be helpful, but it is also some pressure. It's a shorter period than the #365FeministSelfie, but requires going outside while the sun is up (and figuring out what's most presentable) every day. 

However, a few days ago I was looking into the back and feeling discouraged at the jungle needing taming, and yet it was teeming with life. 

There were bees and butterflies and birds, including a hummingbird. Those are all mentioned in the various wildflower mixes I have been using. 

A part of my goal has been met already, even if there is still a long process pending. 

Peace. 

The horrible week

One thing that I think is important to set the horrible week in context is that we'd had a brief vacation right before. 

We went up to Seattle over Memorial Day weekend. It was a whirlwind trip that checked off a lot of boxes on our list for that city. I am currently writing about that on the travel blog, and we did enough that I will be writing about it into August:

https://sporktogo.blogspot.com/2026/05/seattle-overview.html 

There are two points with that. One is that highs and lows follow each other and get all mixed up together. It is important to keep perspective.

The other point is the "whirlwind" part. 

We kept up a fast pace so we could get everything done. Talking to one of our drivers about what we had done, he said that pace would kill him. Based on his kids' ages, I think he was pretty close to me in age, so that feels kind of good, and we got what we wanted done.

We came back very tired.

The first thing that had gone wrong happened earlier but I was still dealing with it.

For my capstone, I need to post on online learning module. I had previously used Canvas, as did almost everyone else because they had a free-for-teachers option that was handy.

A data breach that came in through that program got it canceled. They will try and work something out by fall, but that doesn't help now.

If I had already posted everything and then lost it, maybe after recruiting my learners, it would have been worse. It still sent me reeling. 

I could not decide what to do, so I was just going to come back to it after vacation. I had a lot of thinking and working to do.

Then the washing machine stopped working.

Okay, I got a service call scheduled but there was a wait; there always is. 

Add in trips to the laundromat to the things I need to do. Okay, no problem.

Then the phone rang. 

That always strikes fear into our hearts that it is Mom, but it was a different relative in the hospital after emergency surgery.

The next day's trajectory was waiting for the repairman, finding out that repair didn't make sense so ordering a replacement, dashing to the hospital to pick up keys, going straight to her apartment to feed her cats, then going home to pick up the laundry on the way back to the laundromat.

I didn't get any schoolwork done that week.

A month later, things are subsiding. We do have the new washing machine, the relative is back at home (still needing some help, but it could be worse), and I am getting things loaded into Google Classroom. 

I am graduating later than I'd wanted. 

Life goes on. 

Probably not exactly as planned. 

Especially not the schedule part of the plan. 

The taste of irony

My Sunday blog post talked about meal trains, going over my tendency to have some scorn for them and a new appreciation of how that was wrong.

https://preparedspork.blogspot.com/2026/06/all-aboard-meal-train.html 

The inspiration was two recent things that are both mentioned in that post, but the timing was good because last night I got a call and today I am taking a dinner. 

I'm glad to do it. There's a need, it's something I can help with, and it's not even difficult to help.

It's just funny how life works out, sometimes displaying a real sense of humor.

That is good, because lately I have been thinking more about how life doesn't work out.

Well, it might be more accurate to say how things work out while looking like they are not.

Let's just say a lot of things have been going wrong, but none of the setbacks have to be permanent.

I will write more about that. 

Anyway, I think I am making pasta with some chicken.