Being so extra

Just in case anyone was waiting with bated breath, I did get the bare minimum of data. 

I can now complete my capstone and graduate. I still have some papers to write, but it's getting there.

While doing that, I am also reviewing the whole experience. 

A lot of that is getting ready for job hunting. Some of that (which may also assist with the job-hunting) is making sure that I learned enough and know enough. Do I still remember things from the beginning? Do I understand them?

Did I complete my goals?

This has reminded me of three goals I set very early, except that "goals" my have been too strong a word.

Maybe it's just that they won't look like I thought. 

I am now in the last of twelve classes; naturally I thought of twelve things.

It started with a conversation I had with someone who works in instructional design. We talked about things like learning different tools and networking. I thought that I should make a point to talk to more people.

If for each class I could have one interview, then I would have learned different things throughout the process.

In my first class, I also found some references to interesting books. They weren't part of the curriculum, but they could still be helpful.

What if I read one non-required book for each class?

Another part of that first conversation was talking about building a portfolio. Having twelve portfolio items seemed a little too ambitious, but perhaps I could have six.

Yes, if by graduation I would have gone outside of the requirements to talk to another twelve people, read another twelve books, and have a portfolio of six educational things, surely that would put me in a good stead, right?

I'm not even sure if the logic follows, because that is so not how things worked out. Then again, different things work out.

I'm going to take three posts to talk about those areas, with the books post fitting well into the media slot on Friday.

Spoiler alert: The books goal came closest.

Who saw that coming?  

Interlude for work; daily songs

While Hispanic Heritage Month starting on September 15th has been a thing for a while, I am usually not doing any kind of heritage or pride month in August. This time I did. 

What to do for September 1st through 14th?

Back when I was planning it out and thought I would have graduated already, I thought job hunting and Labor day made work-based songs the right way to go. 

I did just use "She Works Hard for the Money" for the Farewell playlist in January, but it was too relevant not to use it.

It's an okay list, though "chain gangs" aren't really a job in the traditional sense.

There are a lot of songs that use "work" to mean dancing. That is a profession for some, but not one I will be looking at. I need to try and find something that will relate to my new degree.

I thought about Sam Cooke's "Another Saturday Night" or Johnny Kemp's "Just Got Paid", but while those mention work, they are more about the time off work. 

("Just Got Paid" came out not long before I started working at McDonald's, though, so I remember thinking about it on Friday nights, though I would often close Friday night and then have an early shift Saturday morning. I was really never party huntin'.)

I will get there. Heigh-ho.

Also, I did get to end things on a song invoking a day of the week, on that same day of the week.

Sometimes things work out. 

Songs: 

9/1 “Get A Job” by The Silhouettes
9/2 “Back On The Chain Gang” by The Pretenders
9/3 “Chain Gang” by Sam Cooke
9/4 “Working for the Weekend” by Loverboy
9/5 “Workin’ For A Living” by Huey Lewis and the News
9/6 “Takin’ Care of Business” by Bachman-Turner Overdrive
9/7 “She Works Hard for the Money” by Donna Summer
9/8 “9 to 5” by Dolly Parton
9/9 “Working in the Coal Mine” by Lee Dorsey
9/10 “Sixteen Tons” by Tennessee Ernie Ford
9/11 “Career Opportunities” by The Clash
9/12 “Opportunities” by Pet Shop Boys
9/13 “5 o’ Clock World” by The Vogues
9/14 “Manic Monday” by The Bangles

The pride and heritage months have also had daily quotes. In retrospect, it could have been fun to go with quotes by labor organizers, but I did not think of it.

I just did this the first day. 

8/1

Get leave to work
In this world—’tis the best you get at all;
For God, in cursing, gives us better gifts
Than men in benediction.

 -- Elizabeth Barrett Browning, from Aurora Leigh, Book 3

Three problems: money, always money

I am treating these as three problems, but they are all connected.

My tuition is paid by the Trade Act, but I still need money to live. Student loans have been a part of this.

I wasn't expecting to be in school this term. When I realized I was going to be, I applied again. 

What I did not realize was that they are always assuming two terms of school. Whatever the amount you are applying for, they cut it in half. Sure, the other half would be disbursed during the following term, if I were still enrolled, but I better not be.

I am trying to get that corrected, but things are tight. There are grave concerns that are more grave because the job market is looking worse than it did when I started school.

That puts a pall over everything, but there are financial concerns related to my mother as well.

In June, the amount the government paid for her housing was reduced, adding another $2200 a month.

Worse, that didn't filter through to billing until August, meaning that while we can keep her safely housed and cared for in the coming months, we have to come up with an extra $6600 that is already owed.

It's only fair; we had finally worked out the very stressful problem of the death expenses, so now the issue is life expenses. That $6600 won't go away when she dies.

I should also add that we are very fortunate that it isn't more; memory care is horrifyingly expensive. I am here to tell you that this country is not ready for a future in which one in three adults gets dementia.

I have mentioned before that financially and energy-wise, staying with my mother for the time I did kind of ruined me. I have also confirmed that I don't regret it and I know it was the right thing to do. Part of that was keeping her safe.

I have wondered more recently if, for all of those people who have wandered off -- sometimes being found alive, sometimes not -- is it because they needed someone to watch them but their family just couldn't afford it.

Barely able to afford is still a step up.

Here's the thing: I know that at some point my mother will die. Despite moments of concern, I am pretty sure that I will be able to graduate. (I finally achieved the bare minimum of learners, so I can start putting that together.)

I don't know if there is a point where money won't be a worry.

We may not live in the right kind of world for that.

I can firmly say that the problems with payment for memory care and with the job market, especially for education, relate directly to this accursed government. So, if you voted for Trump or for a third-party, you have contributed to my family suffering, many other people suffering worse, and (unless you are in the billionaire class) it's going to contribute to your own suffering as well.

Small consolation, but there you have it. 

Three problems: Second, grief pending and present

I must specify here that I am writing these in an order that I think is logical, not in terms of which is hardest. They are all stressful and they are all different.

This one is frustrating because we have been living with it for so long, but there keep being indicators that we won't have Mom for much longer. Part of my concern with blogging was that I would establish a good pattern and then she would go and any consistency or momentum would be shot to pieces.

No matter how long we live with it, I don't think there is going to be a point where I won't feel it anymore.

As it is, Mom keeps outliving everyone.

Since the second time she entered hospice, four friends have lost parents or in-laws. That's actually  more, because in one of the families we know four of the children, plus one of us knows a grandchild. Also, I am sure I am forgetting more people who have lost parents over that time period.

Over that time period, Mom has also lost two roommates. Maybe I should warn the new one's family.

Also, there have been countless celebrity deaths, in many cases for people who were maybe younger or in better health. (Not Mitch McConnell though.) 

Part of me feels guilty, like it's because Mom is waiting around for me to graduate and if I weren't taking so long to do so she could have passed peacefully months ago.

That's not all my fault.

There is the endless cycle of not wanting her to go but feeling like this is no life for her and all of that circling round and round, and yes, we have been dealing with this a long time.

None of that makes it any easier. The long goodbye takes a toll.

Of course, the sudden, quick ones do too.

Maybe part of my writing this week is a way of trying to demonstrate -- to myself as well -- that I will survive whatever happens next, regardless of how much of it is unknown and can't be predicted or really prepared for.

But realistically, even if I establish a good rhythm again, it probably will be disrupted. 

Three Problems: First one, finishing school

Yes, I am trying to blog again.

This is more of a catch-up on my life than getting back into politics. Frankly, I am starting to wonder if some of the things I want to explain would be better resolved by creating e-learning modules than by writing a series of blog posts that can be so easily interrupted. 

It would probably not occur to me to create learning modules, except that's what I have been studying and doing as I try and finish school. This has been rewarding, but it has added a lot of pressure and frustration.

I could write much more about the ups and downs of returning to school as a mature student, but I want to focus on the current stress.

I am working on my masters degree in Education and Instructional Design. The last section of that is the capstone, in which you create a learning module, get people to take it and then analyze and write-up the data from their learning experience.

I wrote about this in March, when I believed I was going to graduate in June. Still being here is embarrassing, but if only that were my sole issue!

I am having a very hard time getting learners to take my module. Without that, there is no data to analyze. 

There can still be something to write up, regarding how horribly I overestimated my ability to get learners, but some mandatory parts cannot be completed without data.

This has been going on for over a month.

Some of it is that people are busy, which I understand.

I broadened the search from specifically Licensed Clinical Social Workers to not-yet-licensed (but still clinical) social workers to any type of mental health providers at all, but that didn't help.

I tried lots of other recruiting methods that did nothing to end the radio silence.

One friend offered to fund some gift cards. With that offer, some results are trickling in. Also, another person has been beating the bushes.

I am probably losing some people to navigation issues. 

One of the big technical issues was Canvas Free-for-Teachers  being taken away. I switched to Google Classroom, but there are a lot of ways in which it isn't great. It is free, however, which does matter for me.

Some people are coming and not completing.

Fortunately, it believe I can get the bare required minimum of results: three people completing both surveys and all four assessments.

I had some delusions of grandeur, thinking that I could produce meaningful results that people in the field would find interesting. That appears to have been overly ambitious.

On the plus side, the longer graduation is delayed the more attractive just graduating at all becomes.

I feel passionate about the material, but with a sense of futility about my ability to reach people.  

Lowered expectations is probably a good preparation for my upcoming job hunting and re-entering the work force anyway.

Related posts:

https://sporkful.blogspot.com/2026/03/only-nine-tasks-left.html  

https://sporkful.blogspot.com/2026/07/the-horrible-week.html 

Late Pride Month - August's Daily Songs

Remember how everything was off-schedule? In August I finally started using queer artists, and it was beautiful.

It is not all dance hits (variety matters), but it totally could have been; that would also have been great.

I did not repeat any artists, but I could have without diluting the quality. 

If I actually numbered everything, I'm sure I would find that there are more straight people among my favorite artists. That makes sense statistically in regard to the distribution across the general population, but this is an important demographic and it made for a fun month.

The closest I have previously come was when I combined Black Music Month and Pride Month in 2022, playing only Black queer artists. That was cool, but this was more fun.

There were two areas where I had arguments with myself to get this specific list.

First, I had wanted to use Blackberri's "Eat the Rich", as it is timely and I still miss him. There was not a good recording of it on Youtube; when I have used him previously, it has been through his own page. That one ended up not working out.

In addition, while I was sure I would use Pet Shop Boys, I had thought it would be "Domino Dancing." I really like the song and the video would be thematically appropriate.

While thinking about videos, and occasionally doing little searches, suggestions would include artists who were rumored to be gay or perhaps were queer icons or allies (or trying to be). I wanted to support artists who actually were pretty clearly gay. This is why I did not use the Bowie/Jagger "Dancing in the Streets", rumors notwithstanding.

Regardless, I was never going to play any Chappell Roan. Dusty Springfield, on the other hand, joined the Pet Shop Boys for a song that is also pretty excellent.

I also discovered I had forgotten two Dead or Alive songs, and used one of them. 

It is good to look back, and the '80s had some bangers.

Daily Songs: 

8/1 “1812 Overture: Grand Finale” by Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky, performed by the Gothenburg Symphony Orchestra
8/2 “Hoedown” from Rodeo by Aaron Copland, with the Los Angeles Philharmonic
8/3 “Moonshine Blues” by Ma Rainey
8/4 “All of Me” by Billie Holiday
8/5 “Strange Things Happening Every Day” by Sister Rosetta Tharpe
8/6 “Flight of the Bumblebee and the Bumble Boogie” by Liberace
8/7 “At Seventeen” by Janis Ian
8/8 “Copacabana (At the Copa)” by Barry Manilow
8/9 “How Great Thou Art” by Jim Nabors
8/10 “Crazy Little Thing Called Love” by Queen
8/11 “Crocodile Rock” by Elton John
8/12 “Victim of Love” by Erasure
8/13 “Don’t Leave Me This Way” by The Communards
8/14 “Tainted Love” by Soft Cell
8/15 Up in the Air” by Hüsker Dü
8/16 “The Weakness In Me” by Joan Armatrading
8/17 “Here and Now” by Luther Vandross
8/18 “Karma Chameleon” by Culture Club
8/19 “What Have I Done to Deserve This” by Pet Shop Boys with Dusty Springfield
8/20 “As I Lay Me Down” by Sophie B. Hawkins
8/21 “My Heart Goes Bang” by Dead or Alive
8/22 “Relax” by Frankie Goes to Hollywood
8/23 “Faith” by George Michael
8/24 “Tarzan Boy” by Baltimora
8/25 “Bad Reputation” by Joan Jett and the Blackhearts
8/26 “Roam” by The B-52s
8/27 “Fall On Me” by R.E.M.
8/28 “Constant Craving” by K.D. Lang
8/29 “Come to My Window” by Melissa Etheridge
8/30 “Closer to Fine” by The Indigo Girls
8/31 “What’s Up” by Four Non Blondes

Related posts:

https://sporkful.blogspot.com/2026/07/songs-for-aapi-heritage.html  

https://sporkful.blogspot.com/2022/07/black-music-month-pride-month.html 

I'm still here

I have previously mentioned both the difficulties in organizing content and in trying to finish my Masters degree, so it may not be too surprising that I have let this blog lapse.

I have been keeping up on the Saturday and Sunday blogs, but those are currently in series, and keeping them going is easier.

I did make an attempt to blog last Friday, as least getting back to the media postings, and my browser kept shutting down.

That seemed like a sign.

The break is going to go on at least a little longer. For one thing, I can't help feeling that if I get back on schedule a new catastrophe will rear up and I will have to rebuild all over again.

There are some pretty big ones lurking.

But I'm still here.

On the plus side, my current issue for school is trying to recruit mental health providers for my learning module. Algorithms being what they are, my feeds are flooded with offers for therapy.

So at least I've got that going for me.