Not credible

Here's one other ground rule: I will be writing out "the N-word" and "the R-word" rather than spelling it out. 

I try to be conscious about language use. Actually, in the first post I refer to a slur directed at Alan Cumming that related to his sexual orientation. It starts with an f, but "the F-word" is already taken. I have also seen people complain about "slur" because it refers to speech impediments... there are times when it feels like you can't get it right; you can only try to be less wrong.

Anyway, regarding the N-word, one fun thing we have here in the United States is that there are a lot of white people who really resent not being able to say it. I don't know if there is that same issue in other countries, or how much it gets used in England. 

Here, there are people who really want to use that word. Technically they can, but they know that there will be judgment, so let's say that's what they are really trying to escape.

I'd like to point out that Lee Atwater's notorious "Southern strategy" interview was from 1981 and he references 1968 as the year after which you can't just say the N-word anymore; that seems like plenty of time to get over it. Instead, people for whose entire lifetime it has been stigmatized speech still resent not getting to say it.

A lot of the reactions I am going to write about come back to that. While they are portraying themselves as worried about the rights of people with disabilities like Tourette Syndrome, it seems more like delight at finding a defensible use of the word.

There are a few things that make me question their sincerity. 

One is the spinning of elaborate fantasies. 

The wildest one was if a kid told the Make A Wish Foundation that his dying wish was to say the N-word; should they refuse that poor kid?

Look, if a child wants to say it that much, he's probably been raised in a home where getting permission is not going to be an issue. If he wants to say it on television or in Harlem with an armed bodyguard -- something where there would be assistance needed -- then yes, the correct answer is a resounding "No!" Focus on getting your soul right, kid.

While that one was unusually ludicrous, there were elements of fantasy in many of the defenses. The big thing was (along with BUT HE COULDN'T HELP IT) saying if John Davidson's outburst meant he deserved all of these awful things to happen to him, with examples, like being beaten or never being able to be out in public. Some were fairly graphic.

I know I haven't read every single post, but I was not seeing many threats against him. (There will be more on the response in a future post.)  

I would find that weird, but I have seen similar people develop strangely elaborate fantasies of rape and murder to justify revenge killings. I find it plausible that maintaining certain attitudes requires some disconnection from reality, but that means you are the ones fantasizing about him getting beaten, not the people who are mad about what happened. 

I would wonder if I missed more actual threats against Davidson, but these replies were coming to people who made very reasonable statements. When they responded that they weren't calling for anything like that, the trolls responded that some people were. At least one recipient of the arguments recommended they go yell at the people making threats, but my gut feeling is that those posts don't really exist. That's speculation, I know.

All of that aside, the biggest reason that I feel these posters were coming more from a position of defending racism than attacking ableism was their perpetual use of the R-word.

It was embraced so quickly with this Trump presidency; horrible people missed it more than I had ever guessed.

In this context, it was used largely to criticize people who questioned whether the BAFTA situation could have been handled better. "WHY CAN'T YOU UNDERSTAND THAT HE CAN'T HELP IT? ARE YOU R---?" 

But it was often a declaration rather than a question.

So yes, that word that was used for any disability -- Down Syndrome, Autism, Cerebral Palsy -- so that you could just write people off and disrespect them, without any understanding of their abilities or how to accommodate them, you now are flagrantly using to defend the use of a racial slur?

I do not find your statements credible. 

At all. 

You are celebrating finding an apparent loophole for racism. 

There is no plausible deniability. You will still be rightfully judged.

We see you. 

Focus on getting your souls right. 

Ground Rules

Ah, my first tangent came earlier than expected.

It can be a delicate balance when to conceal and when to name and shame. I want to get my philosophy out there before we go farther.

In the case of Briahna Joy Gray, it would be easy to shame her because I don't like her. That would not be a good way of doing things.

In her case, she is a public figure. While I didn't see many people discussing the food discourse off of Twitter (or I would have linked to an article), there were many participants in the discussion on Twitter. Not naming her when her comments were so integral would have felt false.

(Other philosophical point for me: as much as Musk has tarnished the things that were great about Twitter, where a new, worse, vanity-driven name would make sense, I am still not calling it "X".) 

I did reference usernames for people who made good points and for people whose posts were integral to the genesis of the discussion.

That can be one of the tricky areas. People who post thoughtful, good responses might benefit from being referenced. It might also attract trolls to them, which is worse if they are not well-established.

I try to make good choices, and I am not always sure whether I am doing right.

In the case of Twitter discussions, there are posts to reference, assuming I can find them. When I am talking about people I know, it becomes different. 

A good example here might be from the "Catching up with former friends" posts. As I went into the case studies, I called them "A", "B", and "C", which were not their initials. 

None of them are famous. While they may be making some bad and even ridiculous choices, I don't wish them harm, so giving their names would feel wrong.  

People who know us may guess from the details, but one thing I have learned over time is that a lot of us are not that unique. I would write about one unnamed person and get guesses about two others through private messages. 

Speaking of Albert, I started with not naming him, but then I did because it was so obvious and had drawn so much attention that there was no point. That he was dead may mean there was less damage that could be done, but there is at least one other dead person whom I do not name. 

That does lead to one other thing: if I am writing about something people do rather than that a person did, I have multiple examples.

The posts related to Albert resulted in a lot of direct messages, including some people wondering if I meant them about something. 

That's fine; I like interacting with people. I only mention it because if I am writing about a generality, I mean it that way. 

If it feels like it applies to you, that may be something to reflect on, and you can certainly ask, but even if you are part of the group you are not being singled out.

Funny, recent story about that. Ari Fleischer recently went off on Barack Obama's remarks at Jesse Jackson's funeral because of him calling Republicans "bigots." 

He didn't. Obama condemned bigotry and racism so Fleischer felt attacked. This is what we call "A hit dog hollers."

Why is this important? Getting into the BAFTAs, there are names that there is no point taking out, as they are in all the articles. 

As this will be more about the responses -- most of which are coming from run-of-the-mill racists with no great following -- it may be best not to identify them. As there is not great variety in their responses, this is probably most practical.

If there are times when specific wording is important, I might quote the text of the tweet without giving the name or linking to it. That would probably be searchable, though often the search results are next to useless, especially when you are looking up something racist because it is so common.

Should individuals be shamed for their racism? Does it help? 

When that AITA account stopped tweeting, I started getting my fix of appalling behavior from Ask_Aubrey, whom I followed to Instagram because she left Twitter too (Musk has been such a disaster for that site.):

https://www.instagram.com/ask_aubry/ 

When she is posting the appalling tweets or direct messages or what have you, she usually blocks out the name, I think with exceptions when the person is more notorious. I have seen replies questioning that, wanting to see, I assume so they can attack.

If that would help, great, but that's not likely.

I do not anticipate naming a lot of ignorant, racist people in the next few posts, but circumstances can vary.

I will try and do what is best for knowledge and caring, even if that is not always clear.

That's all I can promise. 

Related posts: 

https://sporkful.blogspot.com/2026/02/decanting-olives.html 

https://sporkful.blogspot.com/2025/08/catching-up-with-former-friends.html 

https://sporkful.blogspot.com/2025/12/my-facebook-post-blows-up-series.html 

The BAFTAs

I spent so much time (eight posts) on the food topic because -- while there are important issues of culture, racism, and ableism -- it is also kind of a fun topic. You can read the serious things but also get thoughts like "Tacos sound good," or "I haven't made stir-fry for a while; I should pick up some noodles."

Discussing the BAFTAs is not going to be fun like that, maybe it will go more quickly. 

It will be similar in that most of what I write is going to be about reactions and doubling down. Still, I suppose some introduction is in order.

The BAFTAs are the awards presented by the British Academy of Film and Television. This year's awards program happened on February 22nd.

One of the award winners, I Swear, was about the life of John Davidson, who has Tourette's Syndrom and has worked to raise awareness about it. 

More specifically, Davidson has coprolalia, which results in the involuntary utterance of offensive words. That included hurling the N-word at Black presenters Michael B. Jordan and Delroy Lindo, as well as production designer Hannah Beachler:

https://www.bbc.com/news/articles/cz6edwg06n1o 

One other important thing to know is that Davidson also yelled at a slur at host Alan Cumming, relating to his sexual orientation. That was edited out of the show, which was on a tape delay. 

A statement in support of Palestine was also edited out. They could edit, and apparently they did edit out a second racial slur (which I assume was the other N-word, though that has not been confirmed; the third one happened on the way to dinner). The BBC says leaving that one in was a mistake, but there are different ways of handling mistakes. 

One thing I find odd about it is that they then removed the entire broadcast, rather than editing out one word. Sure, people would still know it had been there, but if they were okay with editing some, why not just remove that word? 

That was one problem on the BBC/BAFTAs end. 

Another issue was that Davidson says that he had asked to be seated where he could not be heard, and he had thought that would happen.

Different award shows have different ways of placing mics -- especially depending on whether the seating is at tables or in rows -- but it is normal to have some mics on the audience to capture applause. It would be reasonable to keep someone with Tourette's away from a mic, but that didn't happen.

The third issue was insufficient care demonstrated toward presenters and guests. There was only one of those "We're sorry if you were offended" statements. 

There are starting to be better apologies now as the anger continues to grow, but they really need to dig deeper. 

There needs to be a better statement about all of those factors. 

I hesitate to blame it on "British humor", because that covers a broad range. I do worry that there was someone who thought it would be funny to have the mic near the person with Tourette's, and who was fine with leaving it in, even though people clearly knew it happened based on the first insincere apology. Those could very well be two different people, but that needs to figured out. If that is the case, those people need to be let go.

Without that, even using better-sounding words for the apology doesn't make it sincere.

If that doesn't happen, I would like to see lots of actors boycotting next year's BAFTAs. 

As nice as it can be to be nominated and asked to present, it is ultimately one of many award shows. If they will not show care for their guests -- and I maintain that there was unfair treatment of Davidson, as well as of Jordan, Lindo, and Beachler -- then the Academy should feel the pain of that. 

Award shows are generally quite boring, but people still watch for the stars. Take those away and people can just read the press release the next day.

Extreme? Well, racism and ableism have both gotten really loud lately, along with pretty much every other terrible bigotry. It's worth fighting back.

Because, yes, ableism is a real thing, even if many of the people crying about it now are demonstrably more insincere than the BBC. 

Songs of grief: February Daily Songs

Hey, my mother is still alive!

That's not bad news, but having a month of songs that were primarily about her and then a month of songs intended to be about grief, so whenever it happened I would be ready...

That didn't work out.

To be fair, grief songs didn't work out the way I thought either.

I love the collection of January songs and I know I will listen to that playlist again.

For February, there are some songs I really like, and some that are okay, but there is not the same level and connection. I did not create a playlist, whereas if I loved the way things fit together I definitely would have.

Part of the problem was that most sad songs are about romantic relationships. Also, if you get into songs about mothers, those can get weird pretty quickly.

I had a few songs in mind at the start. Some, like "Each Tear" and "The Greatest Love of All" were songs that I had thought about for January, but they got moved around. 

"Happy Birthday" I put on my sisters' birthday, with no disrespect to Martin Luther King Jr. It is a joyful song, even though it starts in a loss.

I felt like I didn't have enough songs, so I went looking and found this article:

https://www.lovetoknow.com/life/grief-loss/40-best-r-b-funeral-songs-saying-goodbye

I used a lot from there, many of which were new to me, but I rejected many too. 

I think that given recent revelations, Puff Daddy and "I'll Be Missing You" should fall out of favor.

I was using a lot of Marvin Gaye. Boyz II Men too, but especially Marvin Gaye.

That worked for me because I have a deep sadness over him. That's not just for his death, but also for Tammi Terrell's illness and death. I am glad to have them in here.

Still needing more songs, I remembered the time when I had songs by Black women and girls from February until late July, to see if I could find anything from there. 

https://sporkful.blogspot.com/2015/07/musical-black-girls.html

That's why I know about Joan Armatrading and Abbey Lincoln and more about Minnie Riperton and Mary J. Blige.

I did find more songs, and some of them do mean a lot to me, but most of them are still not really about me or my losses. 

"Dance With My Father" is far from my experience, but I read about the writing in Stories to Tell by Richard Marx, and I found that touching. Then, as Vandross was hospitalized, the video contains various people writing a get well card to him while appearing with their fathers, or pictures of their fathers, or sometimes being the father (I love seeing Damon Wayans picking up his sons). There is a lot of love and grief in that video, for fathers and for Vandross. 

It's great when there are songs that are just right, but that just isn't always going to happen.

Sometimes you keep digging, sometimes you make do, and sometimes you may need to write your own song. 

2/1 "There’ll Be Sad Songs (To Make You Cry)" by Billy Ocean
2/2 “It’s So Hard To Say Goodbye to Yesterday” by Boyz II Men
2/3 “Try Sleeping With a Broken Heart” by Alicia Keys
2/4 “I’ll Be Seeing You” by Billie Holiday
2/5 “These Three Words” by Stevie Wonder
2/6 “One Sweet Day” by Mariah Carey and Boyz II Men
2/7 “Walk Around Heaven” by Patti Labelle
2/8 “If Ever You’re In My Arms Again” by Peabo Bryson
2/9 “Throw It Away” by Abbey Lincoln
2/10 “God Is Love” by Marvin Gaye
2/11 “Easier” by Kandi with Faith Evans
2/12 “Missing You” by Brandy, Tamia, Gladys Knight, and Chaka Khan
2/13 “Happy Birthday” by Stevie Wonder
2/14 “More Than One Kind of Love” by Joan Armatrading
2/15 “Wholly Holy” by Marvin Gaye
2/16 “You’re All I Need To Get By” by Marvin Gaye and Tammi Terrell
2/17 “Dance With My Father” by Luther Vandross
2/18 “A Song for Mama” by Boyz II Men
2/19 “A Mother’s Prayer” by K. Michelle
2/20 “Love Me Now” by John Legend
2/21 “Memory Lane” by Minnie Riperton
2/22 “Clouds” by Chaka Khan
2/23 "Jesus Love Is Like A River" by Gladys Knight
2/24 "Plant My Feet On Higher Ground" by The Davis Sisters
2/25 “Sparrow” by Emilo Sandé
2/26 “Each Tear” by Mary J. Blige feat. Jay Sean
2/27 "No Tears (In The End) by Roberta Flack
2/28 “The Greatest Love of All” by Whitney Houston 

Many different but true things

I spent more time on those olives than intended.

That is partly due to my fascination with tangents, but also there is some complexity. That makes it seem like a good idea to review before we move on to other things.

Cooking is a life skill that can be useful for all. It does not belong specifically to either gender, and you can find a lot of sexism in looking at attitudes about cooking.

Despite being a life skill, it is not something that is transmitted automatically. 

There are various levels of difficulty to cooking. Experience can be a great teacher, and lead to more comprehension of what will work, but finding a good entry point may not come easily.

Cooking ability is not just a matter of the basic knowledge, but also can be a matter of physical skills requiring practice. Disability can affect multiple functions.

Gadgets and convenience items exist that can bridge some of these gaps in knowledge and physical ability.

Shortcuts can have an impact on flavor and aesthetic factors, but sometimes they don't make much of a difference.

Some cooking processes take a lot of time, which can often be in short supply. There are items that can help shorten that time, but also having someone else prepare the food (and maybe deliver it) can be a real time-saver.

Dining out or ordering in is usually not a money-saver, though you can get good deals sometimes. 

People do need to eat; there is not necessarily a moral high ground in having been the one to cook.

Getting ideas and making decisions about what to eat, then getting those ingredients and preparing them, does require some executive function. Some people struggle with this more, but various circumstances can mean that sometimes you just don't have enough. Adding more pressure does not improve that situation.

There are delicious foods from every culture. There are differences, but there will be similarities too. It seems like everyone has dumplings of some kind.

Some recipes and preparations are more complicated than others, but that does not mean that all of that cuisine is similarly involved.

Sometimes what makes something seem complicated is a lack of familiarity or a lack of motivation for that particular process. 

It is generally healthier to eat more natural, less-processed foods. That may involve much more cost and effort.

Sometimes people who purchase cheap, processed foods are just trying to get by. Putting restraints on what is available may not be intended to be cruel, but may work out that way. 

In Ratatouille, Colette shows some disdain for the title food, as it is a peasant dish. 

Well, it's generally a stew, which as a single-dish, slow-cooking recipe has some convenience that appeals to busy people (shades of casseroles signalling the "dark ages of American culinary culture).

Perhaps there was a history of the dish being not respected, and that is why Remy "elevates" it into the confit byaldi version served to Anton Ego. However, if the flavors had not reminded Ego of that stew from his childhood, far away from the Michelin-starred restaurants of Paris, he would not have loved it so much.

Tastes vary. Some preferences can be cultural or habitual or have a lot of nostalgia built in, but there are also differences in how individuals react to the same substances. The most famous example of this is cilantro. 

Over the course of the last few posts (Tuesday through Thursday posts starting February 18th), I have mentioned various foods that I don't like or will not eat.

There are things that I won't eat that I will still cook for my sisters, but other foods that they must seek elsewhere. 

There are things they don't like that I make for myself, but usually when they are not around.

Also, many of the foods that I can't abide are considered very healthy. It's probably a coincidence.

This is beautiful. 

There are so many different fruits and vegetables and greens and grains and ways of cooking all of them. 

Sticking with the familiar can be comforting and it can be monotonous. Trying something new can be exciting and rewarding, or mildly disappointing, or kind of gross. 

No one else has to feel the same way you do about it.

It's seems so obvious, doesn't it? 

Except somehow people are still jerks a lot. 

Related posts:

https://preparedspork.blogspot.com/2026/03/feed-someone.html  

Food racism

You know, sometimes I also make quesadillas. You can add that to my "expertise" but I mention it more because that is one more dish that is incredibly simple and easy (especially if you microwave them).

I should note that when Gray wrote about decanting the olives, in that particular post she referred specifically to "white people tacos":

https://x.com/briebriejoy/status/2019200627641884919 

I believe the criticism of her only naming foods of brown people as "too complicated" being racist was starting to get to her. I think it was also too late for that criticism to be mitigated by adding a white person food in there, especially a white person food that was inspired by Mexican food.

Well, given her background, she would probably say it is not racism but classism, and that once you economically abolish class then racism no longer exists, but she'd be wrong about that too.

Lots of ways to be wrong.

Still, I think there are some things worth exploring. 

In the post, she says that her mother described it as an easy meal, whereas Gray herself finds it unnecessarily complicated.

People can have different perceptions. As Gray is blaming her issue with these cuisines on executive function, maybe her mother has a higher level of executive function. Gray also mentions cleanup requirements as part of what makes it too complicated. While cleanup could be simplified, taking cleanup in mind is completely valid.

The funny thing is that this post was done quote-tweeting a different user, @PinstripeBungle who had not replied to or quote-tweeted her. He is clearly responding to the discourse, and lists tacos and Thai curry as very easy, so it is relevant. He probably had Gray's posts in mind -- maybe along with others -- but he did not name her. As she has 24 times the followers he does, it's interesting that she saw it and responded.

The other thing that is kind of interesting is that the post that started it all about the sesame noodles had nothing to do with executive function. It exaggerated the expenditure and convenience of trying something new, but those are separate issues.

This is the grace that I will give Gray: if you struggle with executive function and are just starting to cook, learning new cuisine is probably going to be harder. The familiar may be a better starting place.

However, if you don't have anything you are already used to cooking, there are many easy Asian and Mexican dishes and techniques that might be more satisfying than salmon in butter with salt and pepper (and also less expensive).

I think there is a combination of two things here.

1. Gray wants to brag about knowing French cooking, as well, perhaps, as being able to cook simple healthy meals with the knowledge to teach others even though she has executive function. You know what? It's okay to like your accomplishments and want to share them, except...
2. Gray has also bought in to the thinking where foods that are not from the European tradition are lower class. There is a disdain there that has racist origins.

It's important to note that a Black woman can buy into racism. 

Usually I am as much "listen to Black women" as anyone, because at the intersection of multiple marginalizations they often have a greater awareness of how various issues play out. 

Gray's parents taught in international schools where she experienced different cultures and she graduated from Harvard Law School. If a somewhat privileged upbringing made it easier for her to ignore some things, that is exactly how privilege works. 

The real problem is not that she prefers French cooking techniques or that she made racist comments without intending to do so.

The real problem is that for each opportunity she was given to reflect and learn and do better, she just kept doubling down.

Of course she's a leftist!

I know I pick on leftists a lot, and I shall continue to do so (though I hope you will notice me giving Gray the points that I can).  

One thing I am going to add to it in this post is not acknowledging one's part in the current whole.

Food discourse has included many comments about white people not seasoning their food, with mayonnaise being a part of some white people getting very offended.

Of course, you do not have to identify with whiteness in this way. You can embrace other cuisines. You can embrace your cultural heritage in the form of the Italian food of your grandparents or the hot dishes of the place you come from.

Or, you can try and find a way to reassert the supremacy of whiteness. 

Lately, I am seeing more of this: 

https://x.com/AniseNot/status/1754181222341705874 

The myth that white people food doesn’t taste good or lacks seasoning is a massive cope When your ingredients are fresh & superior in taste & texture you don’t need to mask it with braising or spices

Mexican food and olives

Without intending to, I am embarking on another tangent.

One friend replied to a previous post that Mexican food doesn't have olives. I was inclined to agree; maybe we learned that from Taco Bell.

Then I started to wonder.

For some background on me, I am not in any way an expert on Mexican food. 

Avocados repulse me, ruling out guacamole, and the only kind of legumes I can tolerate is green beans, where you are eating the case, not the seed. Removing the beans and the guacamole from Mexican food takes away a lot of options.

The closest I regularly come to Mexican cooking myself is an enchilada recipe that does not use a red sauce (there is sour cream, and it is even a taco spice packet rather than enchilada) and then sometimes I will make nacho toppings, but I am more likely to put them on tater tots, so they are "tot-chos."

Not very authentic, and I use sliced olives for both of those. (Olives are also my favorite pizza topping, right up there with sausage.)

There were so many people saying so many things about food that I started to wonder about the olives.

Maybe that was partly because of Michael Genhart.

I know, that doesn't sound Mexican.

One of the Pura Belpré 2022 Honors books was May Your Life Be Deliciosa by Genhart, illustrated by Loris Lora.

It is about the tamaladas of his mother's childhood, with her grandmother teaching them how to make the tamales and folding in her love for them.

I happened to read it shortly before we were going to have a friend over for a tamale dinner. 

That's not another recipe; I buy the bag from Costco and either steam or microwave them, depending on how many I am making. 

I love children's books that are expressions of love and encouragement: Little You by Richard Van Camp, I'll Love You Till the Cows Come Home by Kathryn Cristaldi... here was another one, and timely to boot.

I read the book to my sisters and friend after dinner. I believe they started out as "What is this weirdo doing now?" and ended up surprisingly touched.

Anyway, Abuela puts an olive inside each tamale. I did not put olives into the tamales, but I had them on the table.

Still, I think that family was in California. 

All right, let's do some searching.

I saw various things, attributing it to more Baja California or Veracruz, with some votes for not so much Mexican as Cuban, plus more in the Caribbean in general.

There was also this Reddit discussion: 

https://www.reddit.com/r/mexicanfood/comments/hwpnqw/how_does_the_community_feel_about_olives_in/ 

One thing I find interesting about that is that while Veracruz is on the East Coast, so might be more open to Caribbean influence, Baja California is not. However, it is adjacent to Alta California, where they are more likely to use olives and go to Taco Bell.

It also reminds me of some posts I have seen about getting good Mexican food. 

I don't think that was related to the food discourse I have been building on; which areas have good food is a common argument, with people on the side of California and New York and Colorado and California again, but not in restaurants, under tents. (I have seen those tents.)

One thing that was more interesting to me recently was someone saying that the complaints that Tex-Mex is just adulterated Mexican food are wrong; it's its own thing.

That resonated with me because my sisters have not been able to find a replacement for Chevy's. They have Mexican restaurants they like, but they don't satisfy the Chevy's itch.

This time someone pointed out that New Mexico is also its own thing, not merely because of the green chili peppers, but they're a factor.

When I was writing about Asia years ago -- that it was a large area with different terrains and resources and cultures -- is also true of Mexico. That is especially true if we include California, Arizona, New Mexico, Texas, and Florida. There are going to be different kinds of food.

Within that, there are different tastes. My sisters love bean burritos and hummus (not together); that disgusts me, but that's okay. They should be able to have food they like.

Again, I find these topics so interesting -- possibly more interesting than my readers do, sorry -- because there is so much variety. The more you look, the more you find.

You can have these amazing, interesting discussions, or you can be quick to tell someone how wrong they are.

That unfortunate tendency is going to keep coming back.