Friday, June 28, 2024

May Songs

May is Asian American and Pacific Islander Heritage Month, and so I chose songs by artists with that heritage.

There wasn't really any other theme. I tried to focus on artists who were actually in the United States, like last time, but using the ones that I remembered more and liked better.

It does mean that I am more familiar with a wider variety of musicians, which I like. However, I keep finding books about Black music that gives me specific themes and deep dives where I feel like I am doing something more there.

With Native American/Indigenous artists, while I do still find new artists, there is so much in terms of just figuring out which term to use and what implications and preferences come with that is its own thing.

The name of the month is even more problematic with Hispanic Heritage Month, but that has led to some interesting things too.

For this one I feel like I am on a plateau. 

I can live with that for now, but next year I hope there will be an idea for shaking it up (and that it will not be a vicious insurrection and descent into racist  horror).

Songs:

5/1 “Cello Suite  No. 1 in G Major, Prelude (Bach)” by Yo-Yo Ma
5/2 “A Place In The Sun” by Jake Shimabukuro (feat. Jack Johnson and Paula Fuga)
5/3 “Speed of Love” by James Iha
5/4 “Nothing Makes Sense Anymore” by Mike Shinoda
5/5 “The Bus Song” by Jay Som
5/6 “Family” by The Slants
5/7 “True Love” by Grace Kelly
5/8 “Laws of the Universe” by Toro y Moi
5/9 “Temptation” by Raveena
5/10 “Temple” by Thao & The Get Down Stay Down
5/11 “We Won't Go Back” by MILCK X BIIANCO X Autumn Rowe (featuring Ani DiFranco)
5/12 “Weak Souls Walk Around Here” by Ogikubo Station
5/13 “Can't Let Go, Juno” by Kishi Bashi
5/14 “Be Sweet” by Japanese Breakfast
5/15 “We” by Clones of the Queen
5/16 “Resolution/Revolution” by The Linda Lindas
5/17 “Loyalty” by Blue Scholars
5/18 “Better With You” by Kurt Hugo Schneider and Katherine Ho
5/19 “Broke” by Jennifer Chung ft. Joules
5/20 “Still in This Game” by Only Won
5/21 “Love You Anywhere” by P.Keys
5/22 “Another Universe” by Melissa Polinar, Jeremy Passion, and Glenn Lumanta
5/23 “Star” by Mitski
5/24 “Let Me Blow Ya Mind” by Ruby Ibarra ft. Bootleg Orchestra
5/25 “Blue Nile” by Low Leaf
5/26 “Dig It” by Mountain Brothers
5/27 “Surya” by Awaaz Do
5/28 “wherever u r” by UMI ft. V of BTS
5/29 “29” by Run River North
5/30 “Thursday” by Asobi Seksu
5/31 “Back Of My Mind” by Bodysync X Dazy

Tuesday, June 25, 2024

Going forward, Wells over Wilson

This wasn't what I was planning on writing today, but I read something irritating and was flooded with thoughts. The challenge will be to make this not just angry venting.

Apparently people are talking about the Aloha mascot issue again.

I have addressed this before on the Sunday blog, in the second post in an ongoing series on dominator culture: 

https://preparedspork.blogspot.com/2024/04/proud-and-mighty.html 

The post I saw today was from someone in an Aloha group. They rejected change on the basis of memories and traditions, but also brought up a different change where a different high school (it wasn't even in the Metro League, though we played them in the pre-season) had a name change from "Wilson" to Ida B. Wells.

And then she asked who even knows who Ida B. Wells is?

Okay, Wells is as close as I come to having a hero, and I have strong feelings on this topic in general, but also I am at the point where I feel like I shouldn't just scroll past friends saying stupid stuff. This is not a friend -- just someone in a group I am also in -- but that specific question can illustrate some issues.

First of all, as others have pointed out, changes going forward do not erase your memories. Just two days ago my sisters asked about a former Duck. I went through all of the Oregon basketball players from my time who had gone to school in the area. So Damon went to Wilson, but Antoine went to Jesuit, Orlando went to Benson, Terrell went to Grant and Jordy went to Beaverton. Thirty-five or so years later, this former manager remembers it all.

Here's something else I remember from Aloha. The mascot design was based on King Kamehameha, but with a certain amount of hand-making, he did not look the same on all of the jackets. So I remember some teasing about one looking more like Sam versus Hien and there were probably some that looked like Laramie, but whoever it looked like was always going to be a brown kid. This is because white supremacy is so baked into the structure of our society that if you are not the standard (not white), you are always marked as that. It will come up regularly.

I don't remember them acting offended in any way, but those regular reminders that you are different take a toll. I also was not the most racially aware kid back then... I might not have noticed. It takes a long time to get that some things have a negative impact, even if primarily in the cumulative.

I didn't think they had a problem with their color being noted, but I also remember, years after, a girl with Asian heritage saying she had worried about being looked down on for that in junior high.

She was pretty, and I thought she was popular (I realize now that I did not really understand popularity either). It never occurred to me that it was even possible for that to be an issue for her. That is the really effective thing about structural racism... it can work unseen to destabilize others.

Who is Ida B. Wells? She was a journalist born into slavery who pursued education to support her family, who pursued her civil rights through the law, and then advocated so strongly against lynching that she had to flee the South. Later in life she became a parole officer, not for the money, but so she could keep an eye on recently released prisoners and assist them. She was smart, strong, and persistent in caring about the greater good.

Woodrow Wilson, on the other hand, set civil rights back. For all the progress that still needed to be made in 1912, at least the Civil Service was pretty well integrated. Wilson personally fired 15 out of 17 Black supervisors, and introduced screens and separate bathrooms and dining rooms for the Black rank and file workers. One man who could not be segregated due to the nature of his work had a cage built around his desk.

While he is best known for his anti-Black racism, Wilson was not limited to that. Ho Chi Minh tried to meet him at the Paris Peace Conference and was snubbed. He had better luck in Moscow.

This is not to blame Wilson for Vietnam. French colonialism played a much stronger role there, and there were other reasons to be radicalized. The point is that he harmed instead of helping, and he did so because he was a racist. 

It wasn't even that he was trying to preserve tradition, because progress had already been made. He wanted those clocks turned back.

A lot of our honors have gone to white men, because they have historically had power. Those men have also been comfortable with quiet racism if not actively racist. That's worth examining. 

It's worth examining what we do, and whom it affects and how. 

I have no idea how actively racist the original poster is, but that particular example... that's worth thinking about. 

If you can know about those two people and hate the change, you appear to prefer racism to antiracism. You can do that, but be honest about it, with yourself and others.

If the change bothers you, but it bothers you that you are bothered, this takes work. Don't be surprised, don't feel guilty, but work toward being better.

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Friday, June 21, 2024

Final thoughts: Black History Month 2024

My reading would be impossible without the local library system (including its participation in Inter-Library Loan). 

I though about calling this post "Keepers". In the course of the reading I found three books that I kept longer, wanting to refer back to them and get other people to read them, and eventually just realizing that I wanted to own them:

Stamped from the Beginning: The Definitive History of Racist Ideas in America, by Ibram X. Kendi

(previously featured in https://sporkful.blogspot.com/2024/05/spotlight-on-stamped-black-history.html)

How to Be an Antiracist by Ibram X. Kendi

(previously featured in https://sporkful.blogspot.com/2024/05/antiracism-black-history-month-2024.html

Caste: The Origins of our Discontents by Isabel Wilkerson

(featured on the Sunday blog, in the introduction to an ongoing series on dominator culture: 

https://preparedspork.blogspot.com/2024/04/an-introduction-to-dominator-culture.html)

I think each of these books does a very good job of explaining and laying out important things. 

It doesn't mean that any of them are complete or the final word on their own, but individually they would each create a good foundation. Especially helpful would be reading all three.

They are also all very readable, which can't be said for every book that I find helpful. 

I was especially impressed by how accessible Wilkerson's prose was. One of the scenes in the movie based on the book and its creation, Origin, has Isabel talking with her cousin Marion, explaining what she is researching. Marion tells her that she needs to explain that in words for people like her. I have to think that was a guiding influence during the writing. Pulitzer Prize winners often indulge in much more superfluous verbosity.

So I recommend all three of those books. Check them out from your library (library orders support writers too) and read them. If you find them as valuable as I did, consider buying them. Recommend them to others.

Even though Caste is the book I have written about the least of these three, the other thing I want to write about is more from How to Be an Antiracist.

Actually, it started with something about the Moynihan report in Stamped.

The Negro Family: The Case For National Action may be remembered as the report that raised alarm bells about Black single mothers and ghetto culture. Kendi pointed out that while the percentage of births to Black single mothers had gone up, it was because married Black women were having fewer children. 

That was interesting, but he added additional information in Antiracist.

A fourth of Black households were led by single women. A fourth. Not the majority. Not even half. Not even close to half. A fourth.

It was twice as many as white households, so that is more. I won't even say it's statistically insignificant. But this is not the number that was implied when people were being all alarmed about it.

Back in 2015 I wrote about realizing that when looking at my Black friends,most of their parents were still married. I knew of of two divorces where the children still had contact with both parents, but also at that time there were at least two couples where one of the parents was dead.

https://sporkful.blogspot.com/2015/06/lies-we-tell-about-black-people.html

That actually leads to another issue, which I am especially aware of after reading African American Grief: life expectancy is lower for Black people in the United States. Between that and the higher rate of incarceration (though let me emphasize NOT a higher rate of criminality), how many of those households were missing a parent not because of a couple breaking up, but of them being broken apart? 

(Also, were any of those households led by two women?)

This is something that Kendi addressed too. 

I think it was inspired by Michelle Alexander's The New Jim Crow, because I remember reading about that Oprah episode there too. She asked where the Black men were, for these single Black women. They did not seem to take into account the men in jail.

Kendi took that a step further, and I am going to have to make a weak attempt at paraphrasing. 

Criminalizing Black men results in no "good" Black men. Add the stereotypes about Black women being strong and angry and emasculating, and there are no "good" Black women (and we definitely get into misogynoir and stereotypes going back to slavery now). Putting it all together, there are no "good" Black people.

(Let's just assume that plenty of people will find a reason to judge non-binary people of any color.)

So this is the other thing that comes largely from Kendi (but let me also throw in a shout out to Theodore W. Allen's The Invention of the White Race): there are centuries of racist thought and dehumanization to justify mistreatment, including but not limited to slavery.

That mistreatment creates other problems, like unemployment which is strongly linked with crime.

Some will point to that as justifying the dehumanization, and some will fight really hard to beat the odds... work twice as hard and be twice as good (uplift suasion) ...but it doesn't work.

The only thing that will work is persistent antiracist thought, policy, and action.

That is everyone's job, and these books are a start.

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Tuesday, June 18, 2024

Protest planning

Last week I wrote about effective protest requiring a clear goal that was used to pick appropriate targets and appropriate ways of targeting them:

https://sporkful.blogspot.com/2024/06/i-protest.html 

That is not the only level of preparation.

I have mentioned before (though not recently), how big of an impact Ralph Abernathy's biography, And the Walls Came Tumbling Down, had on me. 

One part of that was him describing their preparations as "militant". It is probably generational, but when I'd previously heard that word, it was always being applied to Malcolm X and Black Panthers, not the "good" non-violent protesters.

(Another key realization was how the "violence" seemed to mainly consist of not ruling out self-defense.)

For the Southern Christian Leadership Conference (SCLC) and the groups they worked with, "militant" meant that they drilled. Because of the commitment to non-violence, they drilled in withstanding verbal abuse and intimidation and how to go limp when people were trying to drag you away and techniques like that.

(There is a scene in Rustin that gives an example of this, leading up to the March on Washington for Jobs and Freedom.)

What may not always be realized is that while there was a true appreciation for non-violence (which is completely logical when your leaders are reverends), it was also a strategy. They knew there would be television coverage. They knew that a lot of the oppression from white people was justified by the ignorance and savagery and every other negative stereotype that had been around back from when it was used to justify slavery.

When well-dressed, well-spoken, dignified people maintained their commitment to both their rights and to non-violence in the face of thugs like Bull Connor and his forces, it made a lasting impression on people who were undoubtedly racist, but still not comfortable with that level of abuse, and not really aware that it even existed.

It worked. Legislation was passed. 

Then the forces of white supremacy kept doing everything they could to dismantle that progress, including corrupting Supreme Court justices, but that's getting into a broader issue; I want to stay focused on the planning today.

I am going to do that by referring to two different sources.

First is a tweet from April 29th, 2024 by Rachel Kahn:

https://x.com/reachrachelkahn/status/1785057223195963672

It has been on my mind, along with seeing others post about various student protesters not being prepared for the fallout of what they started.

I should add that of all of the protests against the genocide in Gaza, the student protesters probably have the best chance of being effective. If their efforts are to get their schools to divest from Israel or issue a statement, students are a source of income for the school, and ideally a source of donations later. That does give some leverage, though it can still be very hard to make an impact.

We have still seen diplomas being withheld, and we are seeing harsher levels of treatment along lines of race and class.

What I think is most helpful in Rachel's thread is the stark reality of it. You could very easily be arrested and mistreated. You could be injured or denied basic needs. You might not get back home for a while.

There is no reason to believe that you can waltz in and make heroic changes without sacrifice. If that kind of change were easy, a lot of the things I have referenced so far wouldn't have happened, then or now. It doesn't mean you can't succeed, and it doesn't mean that complete or partial failure won't have value, but count the cost.

Those are decisions that you make about your own safety, but there are also decisions to make in terms of who can be included.

I have seen lots of complaints recently about march routes being chosen that are not accessible, and with no support for masking (which of course multiple places are trying to criminalize now), reinforcing that there is not a welcome for the disabled and chronically ill.

(Also, I ATE'NT DEAD's comment on Rachel's thread about having your medication labeled helped remind me of it: https://x.com/disabledtrans/status/1785074566781366624)

It reminded me of a presentation at #AffectConf by Diana Murray on accessibility issues to think about. Her information is linked: 

http://dmurring.com/accessibleactivism/

If you are not immediately sold on why that kind of access is important, I hope to help with that next week. Even before that, remember that increased accessibility helps everyone.

Curb cuts might exist because of people in wheelchairs, but then they also help parents pushing strollers, people wheeling carts or luggage, those riding e-scooters or Segways, and lots of others.

Things done to discourage homeless people from public spaces make those spaces less welcoming for everyone.

That's not a coincidence. So one question to sit with is whether we can be effective instruments for good while being thoughtless and uncaring about the needs of others?


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Friday, June 14, 2024

Spotlight on Gloria Jean Pinkney: Black History Month 2024

Getting back into the swing of blogging about books, it became a wonderful thing to realize I could just keep writing until I had caught up on everything after a few years stalled. Unfortunately, there was not going to be any way to clear out the column for Black History reading. 

While that is the list that I have been working on the longest, it is also the longest, meaning the most books. I have recently calculated that I can be caught up in 2029 without neglecting other areas of study, so that's the plan. 

Keep in mind that this is the tenth post for this month, covering just over one hundred books and movies. I got a big chunk covered when I did the spotlight on Brian Pinkney, son of Jerry and Gloria Jean Pinkney (and husband of Andrea Davis Pinkney).

However, at this typing I have reviewed 31 of Jerry's books, and have about 80 to go. I don't know if I will be able to find all of them, but I will get to as many as I can before next February.

Four of those books were done with Gloria Jean, and she only had one other book that I had not read yet, so obviously it made sense to get that book and clear out a little bit more.

The other thing I should add is that it is clear that Gloria Jean has written more than what is found on Goodreads or in the library, so I have to assume that a lot of the writing is happening in magazines and church publications. 

One thing we learn from the writing I did find is that she is very religious, being a prayer warrior and having a prayer partner. It makes sense that a lot of her work is to a targeted audience, and that is fine.

The other thing that comes up is that from her work here, family is a key role. Of her three children's books, two were written with her husband Jerry. For the other two, there are illustrations from Jerry and Brian, as well as photos from son Myles Pinkney, and also some assistance from daughter Troy Pinkney Ragsdale on Music

When I first discovered the family connections and wanted to look into them more, I had not imagined the artistic working together that they would do, but it feels like it makes sense for them.

Children's Books with Jerry Pinkney

Back Home
The Sunday Outing

The Sunday Outing is a prequel to Back Home, telling the story of how Ernestine was able to make the visit to her extended family in North Carolina. 

Children's Book with Robert Casilla 

Daniel and the Lord of Lions

Okay, this is the one that was not a family project. It is a simple retelling of the Bible story.  

Comes with a CD:

Music From Our Lord's Holy Heaven

The family participation (her husband and three of their four children) is especially appropriate here because the collection of songs are those she has sung around their home, with comments on their meaning, and then a recording of her singing, if you still have a CD player around. (It turns out I don't, which I probably should rectify at some point.)

The most religious of all...

In the Forest of Your Remembrance 

This is where the "prayer warrior" and "prayer partner" come in. I appreciate her stories of faith and listening for inspiration, as well as being a bit put off by references to Benny Hinn and Focus on the Family. 

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Tuesday, June 11, 2024

I protest

Picking up from where we left off last week, it was pretty clear that Reagan wanted power concentrated along lines of race and wealth in general. The specific concern about college protesters struck me more because of what I see with protest now.

There is a lot that can be said about responses to protests against the murders of George Floyd and Michael Brown, but for right now let's focus on Palestine.

A few months ago I was coming back from Sacramento. The traffic coming into PDX seemed unusually low. As we were leaving the airport, we saw the reason why: protestors marching against genocide in the road, stalling traffic behind them.

The other people in the car said several critical things about the marchers, including that not only would that not help, but that if they were made late for their flight they would immediately be against that cause.

"So being late would make you support genocide?"

Yes, that was perhaps a little aggressive, but this was important! I have less and less patience for people not thinking things through. (I am aware I may be alienating some people on Facebook as we get closer to the election.)

This led to a discussion on Israel and Palestine and the overall issues there. I said things that were hard to answer. There was an attempt to turn it to feeling sorry for the children, which I get, but is also a way of missing the point.

I don't want to go over all of that. There is probably more clarity for people now than there was at the time. Even so, you still have some people denying it's genocide, or arguing it's earned, or going full-blown Antisemitic, and various points in between.

I suspect that anyone who will support the slaughter in Gaza because of a protest was already supporting it. 

That does not mean the protesters are doing a good thing or doing it well.

I wrote on this topic a little in the wake of the Occupy protests, but not all protest is effective. Sometimes, all you are doing is ruining someone's day. I believe many are sincere, but I would not be surprised if some really enjoy being obnoxious while considering themselves morally superior.

What would make protest effective?

The establishment was bothered by student protesters and draft protesters during Vietnam, but I don't know how much it effected policy. We did see effective protests during the Civil Rights Era, so that might be a better place to look for examples.

Let's look at the Montgomery Bus Boycott.

The reason to protest was clear. Not only did the seating rules mean that sometimes Black passengers were not allowed to sit even when there were empty seats, but because they needed to pay at the front and then go to the back door to enter, sometimes drivers would pull away. The drivers were more abusive than the company policy called for, but that system of inequality made it easy for drivers to show their power abusively.

The request was to end that policy of seating and entrance, as well as hiring Black drivers. Those were concrete steps that would improve the situation. They would not fix racism -- something much harder -- but they would remove some of the bolsters of racist abuse and make that area of life safer and more pleasant for Black passengers.

The bus company did not have motivation to fix this, but they did have motivation to make money; the boycott had a strong and direct impact on that.

It took them 381 days. That is not something you can do easily or without planning. It took ride organization and fund-raising, but also raising each others' spirits and providing encouragement when people got tired.

There is some planning involved in blocking a road or disrupting a Christmas tree lighting, but whom are you affecting and how?

Raising awareness can be worth something, but then is there a place to direct that awareness?

If you are striking at the pockets of a specific business, does that business have any control over the situation?

One of the sad things about the conversation in the car is that as we started reaching some understanding, and talked about effective protest, I had to admit that I could not think of good ways to catch the notice of people who would actually have an impact.

That is not just related to the situation in Palestine. If you think about climate change or other issues, the consolidation of wealth to the top 1% has made it very hard to hit them in their pocketbooks.

It doesn't mean that things are hopeless, but it will require different ways of thinking and acting and organizing.

It may require a complete rethinking of priorities.

Related posts:

https://preparedspork.blogspot.com/2023/10/palestine.html

https://preparedspork.blogspot.com/2024/06/dominator-culture-and-social-media-gaza.html

Friday, June 07, 2024

Hodgepodge: Black History Month 2024

We are winding down, though there will be two more posts in this section.

There were some things that almost became themes. For example, there were two works invoking feminism, differently, but in differently needed ways.

Hood Feminism: Notes From the Women That a Movement Forgot by Mikki Kendall

Bad Feminist by Roxane Gay

I love both writers, and these are very different approaches.

Kendall focuses on how feminism needs to include economic issues and survival of the marginalized, or it is only maintaining privileges for the already privileged. Recent evens have shown how that doesn't necessarily work, even for the privileged, but there are other, crucial reasons to look beyond that goal.

Gay has a collection of essays about ways in which she might feel that she is letting feminism down by not upholding it correctly. We can have an idea of feminism that overlooks individual needs in the interest of purity, or simply by overlooking how difficult life can be and what is most important.

It is not a coincidence that both of these books were written by Black women (or that a white woman co-opted Gay's title when speaking against #MeToo: https://www.theguardian.com/books/2018/jan/15/margaret-atwood-feminist-backlash-metoo).

For other potential themes, if you include the works by Amanda Gorman, there was quite a bit of poetry. Since she had her own spotlight, that left three, and I was not sure that needed its own post.

Poems by Frances Ellen Watkins Harper

Citizen: An American Lyric by Claudia Rankine

1919 by Eve Ewing

Eve Ewing almost got her own spotlight as well, but her other poetry book and her education book had already been mentioned in other posts in 2021. Then, while I have read some of her comics, she has been writing them so quickly that it would be too soon to do a spotlight for that. 

Suffice it to say, I will read pretty much anything she writes (and she has some Monica Rambeau books now!) so a comic spotlight is not out of the question. Maybe next year.

I would also read more Claudia Rankine. Harper was fine, but I think what I read was pretty complete.

The Book of Delights: Essays by Ross Gay

Not quite poetry, but poetic in its own way, this is the result of an attempt by Gay to find things that are joyful, and delightful. There are 102 short sections. I like his long form work better, but this has value. It is better to break up the reading into short pieces, as he did with the writing.

Black Hollywood: Reimagining Iconic Movie Moments by Carell Augustus

Movie buffs are going to get more out of this than I did, because there are movies that I haven't seen and I know I was missing context. There is still some great photography, and some faces that are good to see.

Mediocre: The Dangerous Legacy of White Male America by Ijeoma Oluo

This one was initially a little disappointing and is more disappointing in retrospect. The title implies a sharp, incisive wit. There is good information, but tending more toward the dull and academic. Then, just recently, I saw some people I really respect complaining of being misrepresented in Oluo's most recent book Be a Revolution. This was specifically related to disability. While harm and disrespect was probably not intended, it still appears to have been done. 

This kind of makes sense to me. While her So You Want to Talk About Race was excellent, I remember sections where she admitted to her own prejudice, more class-based, but it seems completely believable that she could slip into ableism. 

African American Grief by Paul C. Rosenblatt and Beverly R. Wallace

This work is a response to a realization that studies of the American populace focused on white people, and therefore were not complete. 

While it is pretty academic -- and I am not even in the target group -- I have been re-reading it because there are things that resonate that I want to understand better.

Finally, there were an additional three books that relate, but will end up in a post on rock biographies, and not specifically about Black History. I will list them here just to keep them as part of the record.

Will by Will Smith

Chuck Berry: The Autobiography by Chuck Berry

Up, Up and Away: How We Found Love, Faith, and Lasting Marriage in the Entertainment World by Marilyn McCoo and Billy Davis Jr. with Mike Yorkey

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Tuesday, June 04, 2024

Dynamite

I suppose one reason I have such a hard time getting to the point is that the points keep intersecting and circling back to each other.

They way we talk about money -- where tradition dictates that it is gauche and improper to talk about financial specifics -- works better to uphold economic exploitation. For example, not talking about wages makes it easier for gender and race-based pay discrepancies to persist.

That also helps the bigotries persist. Those who are earning more and getting better loan conditions can easily believe they deserve it, and that the only barriers to other people are their own flaws, laziness, or poor choices.

It's easy to believe that when you are on the other side of it as well. With both sides reinforcing each other, the tendency is to consolidate power.

What I was trying to get to a week ago was that college used to be much less expensive. I hinted at some of the factors that have changed that, but I wanted to get to one specific thing, and how it is part of a broader picture:

https://theintercept.com/2022/08/25/student-loans-debt-reagan/

There was a time when the state of California had an amazing college system. A year at Berkeley cost California residents a $300 fee. Now, that was a long time ago... it would be more like $2000 annually now, but compared to $40,000 annually it still sounds pretty good.

California was not the only state with affordable higher education, but I do remember it being more practical for a young Beverly Cleary to live with relatives in California and attend college there (Berkeley, in fact) than in Portland. 

Still, college had been more affordable in general, and the GI Bill would have cleared some additional obstacles. Therefore, through the 1960s student debt was not a large factor, until Reagan.

While you would not expect the man who broke the air traffic controllers union to be in favor of sharing and spreading power, he had a head start before then.

Reagan had already come down hard on the state school system in his speeches while running for governor in 1966, but it was in 1970 that he actually shut the schools down.

He was running for re-election, so the decision could have been somewhat strategic (it worked last time), but I believe he sincerely hated the student-led protests against the war in Vietnam.

I do not believe that the statement of the threat was completely sincere.

As first stated by Reagan's education adviser, Roger Freeman, who was defending Reagan:

“We are in danger of producing an educated proletariat. … That’s dynamite! We have to be selective on who we allow [to go to college].”

“If not,” Freeman continued, “we will have a large number of highly trained and unemployed people.” Freeman also said — taking a highly idiosyncratic perspective on the cause of fascism —“that’s what happened in Germany. I saw it happen.”

I am not disputing that there was unemployment at the time of the rise of fascism in Germany, but it was not a highly educated movement either. The ones who embrace fascism most strongly are more likely to be anti-intellectual, correlating with their penchant for book burning. 

(Looking at Trump supporters, after whiteness the next common denominator is not being college-educated.)

As it is, the students protesting were disruptive, and probably embarrassing. It was happening right after advances in civil rights that Reagan would be working on undoing in just another ten years, so of course they had to go.

That sentiment about being careful about whom we allow to go to college? I hate the snobbery and arrogance of that. There is still some truth coming out, with an educated proletariat being dynamite.

Can we use that? Can we blow up prejudice and inequality and exploitation?

There are some serious obstacles, but there can still be hope.

Friday, May 31, 2024

History itself: Black History Month 2024

It was not planned out, but there was a narrative that emerged with my writing. It became especially clear when I listed the books in chronological order, rather than the order read.

The Betrayal of the Negro: From Rutherford B. Hayes to Woodrow Wilson by Rayford Whittingham Logan

We start with the upending of reconstruction, therefore former slaves not having protection from former masters and even those who had not been owners before. So there are beatings and lynchings and rapes, except generally the rapes are of Black women by White men, but the lynchings are supposedly because Black men are so likely to rape White women. 

No. It was to punish financial success, which was even more impressive considering the obstacles. Perhaps that made it more galling to those who had been working so hard against it.

The Left Great Marks On Me: African American Testimonies of Racial Violence from Emancipation to WWI by Kidada E. Williams

On Lynchings by Ida B. Wells

Revolt Against Chivalry: Jessie Ames Daniel and the Women's Campaign Against Lynching by Jacquelyn Dowd Hall

In general I don't believe in having heroes, but Wells became my hero before I was so set against it and additional reading hasn't disappointed me. 

I have On Lynchings here as kind of a bridge for the documentation of the abuses and the documentation of the fighting against them. There was always resistance. 

That includes White women campaigning against lynchings in Revolt Against Chivalry, with women organizing to say that are not protecting us this way, you are not making our lives better, do not use us to make it noble!

In many cases those organizers were themselves subject to racism or misogynoir -- that is why I generally avoid declaring anyone "my hero" -- but they were still working for good.

Strange Fruit: Billie Holiday, Cafe Society, and an Early Cry for Civil Rights by David Margolick

Black Folk: The Roots of the Black Working Class by Blair LM Kelley

Perhaps the worst thing to look back on is for how long lynchings were common. 

You can make arguments that it started even before Emancipation and that recent events like the murder of Ahmaud Arbery count, but generally people look at the time period from the end of Reconstruction to the end of World War II, almost seventy years.

(Here is one set of statistics: http://law2.umkc.edu/faculty/projects/ftrials/shipp/lynchingyear.html)

Part of what makes Black Folk so interesting is how much of that resistance was labor organization, and how necessary it was. That might not seem so much like "civil rights", but the ability to provide for oneself, and to have reasonable freedom in your manner of doing so is essential to everything about life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.

In many ways, the switch to "Civil Rights" was largely a matter of entering the public consciousness.

Ever Is a Long Time: A Journey into Mississippi's Dark Past, a Memoir by W. Ralph Eubanks

Southern League: A True Story of Baseball, Civil Rights, and the Deep South's Most Compelling Pennant Race by Larry Colton

Once we get more into the "Civil Rights" period, some of the things that stuck with me were very personal, but of course these are books written by people who were closer to it.

Eubanks looked into old records and found some of the threats and surveillance that happened with his parents (thank you Freedom Of Information Act). There is the home he remembered and the people he remembered, and some of them were dangerous in a way he had not suspected.

With Colton, the thing that stands out most is him interviewing White players who remembered some of the new Black team members as not being very social without ever thinking about the inability of those teammates to stay at the hotels they stayed at or enter the bars where they hung out.

We Were Eight Years in Power: An American Tragedy by Ta-Nehisi Coates

Possibly the thing that brought it home the most was this book of essays by Coates. Eight years is the Obama presidency, right?

It is in fact a collection of essay written during that presidency, yes, but the quote comes from South Carolina state congressman Thomas Miller, arguing against the disenfranchisement of Black Americans (including himself) at the end of Reconstruction.

Also...

*Mrs. Lincoln's Dressmaker by Jennifer Chiaverini

When I obtained this book, I had not realized it was a novel. I had meant to read a historical account. 

I don't think it's a bad telling. There is more on the sewing than I would have looked for.

I am putting this here because it doesn't seem to go with any of the other books, and Andrew Johnson looks like a jerk, which makes sense, but also leads to this thought:

It made apparent sense to choose Andrew Johnson as a running mate to show a commitment to unity going forward. That sounds reasonable, but given Lincoln's death, it is hard to imagine a worse choice. 

While that starting Betrayal had more to do with later presidents -- like Rutherford B. Hayes and Woodrow Wilson, as mentioned in the title -- well, there are times when the appearance of unity cannot possibly be as valuable as taking steps to guarantee continued progress.

Inasmuch as there has always been resistance to racist abuse, there has also always been resistance to progress. 

Anyone who cares will need to constantly remember that and be vigilant about fighting its many forms.

Tuesday, May 28, 2024

Imbalance of power

Picking up where we left off, I am no longer ashamed of being poor or fat (at times I have to fight it harder) because of an awareness of systems that make it very hard -- if not impossible -- to change some of those things. 

That tendency to be ashamed and blame it all on personal flaws works to create misery and prevent finding and achieving what is possible.

It has taken me a while to understand how difficult it is to escape class. I say this even though one of the perceived escape routes was much easier for me when needed than it would be now.

When I went to college, it was relatively affordable.

For the record, I started college at the University of Oregon, Winter term 1991. Out of the 180 credits needed for graduation, I brought 51 from AP tests, plus one writing course taught at a college level for credit but offered at the high school. 

It was a late start because of needing to work. There was a lot of time taken off for work, as well as 18 months for a mission. I ended up taking eight terms of classes, spread out over the years so I graduated in June of 1996.

The fees for the AP tests were my first credit card charges. I finally became eligible for student aid in my senior year. (The 18 months of no income while on the mission really helped with that.) 

With all of that, working while in school and taking terms off to do nothing but work, I graduated with about $2300 in debt. If I had not gotten close to a third of my credits in high school, if I had not taken such a heavy course load, or if I had not been able to work while in school, it would have been more, possibly triple, but still...

Students today should be so lucky. 

Just in the last 20 years college tuition and fees have grown twice as fast as the consumer price index. This has not been due to the quality of education rising or the jobs that you could get rising, but rather to increased administrative costs and because capitalism allows profits to be extracted from any public good, even at the expense of the public good.

I was also fortunate in that the interest rates were not unreasonable at the time, and that a college degree really did increase your earning power. My personal struggle with interest rates is more that I have already paid enough to equal the cost of my initial mortgage, with hardly any decrease in the principal. By the time it is paid off -- if everything goes according to schedule -- I will have paid its value four times over.

I get pretty regular offers to take it off my hands. They generally offer an amount that would pay off the mortgage and most of my personal debt. Taking that would leave me with no assets and no place to live.

It is also a sever undervaluation. Now, the Zillow estimate is way too much, but potential buyer could get significantly more out of it than they are offering me. 

As they don't need a home, they could make a large profit on the sale. What they might be even more likely to do is to make it a long or short-term rental, continuing to restrict the supply of housing that makes it such a seller's market right now.

It would be easy to look at the numbers and think that you would have to be stupid to fall for it, but you don't; you only have to be desperate. There are a lot of ways for that to happen.

The offers were even more persistent when I was in foreclosure, and this isn't even touching on reverse mortgages preying on the elderly.

For years I was told to avoid debt, except for a house and schooling. 

It is more common now that people will advise holding off on college, and maybe choosing a trade school (like those never load people down with debt), but there was a lot of time in between where people who were doing everything they say is right have been getting screwed for it, ending up poorer while the haves get richer.

I have a lot of feelings about that, but I am past feeling shame for it.

The funny thing about this post is I started with education because I was going to go to one specific place.

That's just going to have to wait until next week.

Friday, May 24, 2024

Memoirs: Black History Month 2024

There is such a wide variety with this group, it follows that there are some I liked more than others.

The other thing is that sometimes the lines blur. 

There are ways in which Ibram X. Kendi's How to Be an Antiracist was so personal that it was almost a memoir. 

I almost put Frederick Douglass's autobiography in history, because it contains so much history (as many of them do). Since it is his personal story -- while also showing a broader landscape that he was a key part of -- it belonged here.

The Pretty One: On Life, Pop Cultere, Disability, and Other Reasons to Fall in Love With Me by Keah Brown

I first heard Keah Brown speak at AffectConf, so of course I wanted to read her book.

Brown was born with cerebral palsy, and a twin who did not have it. That did not help with body image issues, yet so much of it sounded familiar (especially for women), even without having those issues. Kind of more bubbly and cute than deep (maybe that is my age speaking), but still with a lot to relate to.

Piccolo is Black: A Memoir of Race, Religion, and Pop Culture by Jordan Calhoun

Brown delivers on pop culture much better than Calhoun. The order of the sub-title does put pop culture last (though I would say religion -- featured second -- is featured more prominently than the first-mentioned race), but the main title sounds like there is going to be more on that, and it was disappointing. 

One big reason I read it is to find out about "Piccolo". Yes, I knew Panthro was Black, but who was Piccolo? So, just in case you are wondering, he's from Dragonball.

Unbound: My Story of Liberation and the Birth of the Me Too Movement by Tarana Burke

This is a good and important book, but I think the best thing I can say about it is exactly what I wrote when I originally reviewed it on Goodreads:

There is a lot of wisdom in here about healing and empathy, but perhaps the most important lesson is that carrying around your own wounds -- no matter how far down you push them -- limits your ability to help others.

Burke did a lot of good before dealing with her own abuse, but it does not compare to what she could do after.

We're Better Than This by Elijah Cummings

I read this shortly after Cummings' death, having not thought about him much before except that he really looked like John Lewis. 

I found a warm man full of integrity, who continued to work hard while facing grave health problems. 

A little repetitious at times, but still worth the read.

Act Like You Got Some Sense and Other Things My Daughters Taught Me by Jamie Foxx

We read this because we were watching and enjoying Beat Shazam, with Foxx and his older daughter Corinne. Very entertaining, but still heartfelt.

Becoming by Michelle Obama 

This was my favorite of the bunch. Obama's voice really comes through, and I like her. A lot of the information was interesting, but simply spending time with her was enough to be worthwhile. 

Life and Times of Frederick Douglass by Frederick Douglass

Riveting for the most part, and even though it is older, and it is very readable, which is not always guaranteed for books written over a century ago. A very brief account of his limited time with his mother shows the heartbreak of slavery, and then its brutality comes through later.

Look for editions published after emancipation. In earlier versions he does not give the details of his escape. While it was relatively simple, it is still interesting.

Tuesday, May 21, 2024

Circling around the point

My initial plan was to circle back to economic inequality and how it affects political power. There are  some timely examples! 

As soon as I finished writing the last post, I knew I would have to write more about fat.

That was exacerbated by two articles and a conversation. 

Both of the articles were about medications that were initially developed for diabetes but are now being seen as "miracle" weight loss drugs.

https://www.nytimes.com/2024/05/07/opinion/ozempic-weight-loss-drugs.html?utm_source=pocket_saves

https://www.latimes.com/science/story/2024-04-15/how-miracle-weight-loss-drugs-made-health-disparities-worse#:~:text

The New York Times article is about how the real problem is satiety, and that is caused by poor food quality, so really we should be uniting against the manufacturers of processed foods.

The LA Times article is about how this increases already existing health disparities because the people who don't generally have access to healthy foods and health care also don't have access to the drugs.

I'm not saying they don't have points, but they are missing some points too. 

First I am going to backtrack to Metformin.

One nice thing about Metformin is that it has been around since the 1950s in Europe, though it was not approved for use in the United States until 1995. It is generic and cheap. 

It also helps some people lose weight, so it gets prescribed a lot for people who do not technically have diabetes yet but might get it.

It does not help everyone lose weight. I know at least two people who have lost weight on it without changing diet or exercising more. It can happen; it's just not guaranteed.

One of Metformin's functions is to suppress your liver from releasing too much stored glucose during fasting periods, like at night. If you are having insulin problems, that release can raise your blood sugar, which can have extra wear and tear on your organs. If you have plenty of insulin, that extra blood sugar can be used or stored as fat. 

It totally makes sense that taking Metformin would help with weight loss for some people but not all people.

That makes sense for any drug. 

For people getting all excited about a new "miracle" weight-loss drug, it makes sense, but those could be false hopes. 

I suspect that is a large part of why the hype keeps migrating. It was Ozempic, but then it was more Mounjaro that was going to give us all our dream body. Then before Wegovy got to really be the big one, Zepbound started stealing its thunder. There are always studies showing this one may be more effective or this one interacts with two receptors instead of only one, and then there's this thing called "super responders" who skew the results.

What really brought it home for me was hearing someone referred to as "skinny fat".

I'd heard the term before, but kind of forgotten about it. In this case, the speaker did not like the person he was talking about, and I think it was just very hard for him to give credit for that undeserved body shape. 

I don't know whether the subject in question is healthy or not, but neither does he. It might even be an appropriate description if she has an unhealthy level of visceral fat, but he doesn't know that either.

It frustrates me how little we benefit from what we know. We know that Body Mass Index does not correlate with health, nor was it intended to, but we still use it. We know that things that are health indications -- blood sugar, blood pressure, and cholesterol -- do not automatically correlate with body size. 

We still get hung up on it. 

Fat people -- especially fat women -- have a hard time getting a diagnosis or remedy beyond "lose weight!"

If we were better at listening to women, we might know a lot more about myalgic encephalomyelitis (Chronic Fatigue Syndrome). Because it was first seen in a hospital environment, the majority of the sufferers were nurses, and women. Even though they were medically-trained, professional women, it was still assumed to be hysteria. If we had paid attention to long-term effects after an infection then, it could be helping us with Long COVID now.

Of course, we have a hard time getting people to believe in that too.

Incidentally, COVID does seem to be bringing on diabetes for many patients. If we are determined to stigmatize diseases, there are more opportunities coming.  

The main point I want to make is that if we really want people to be healthy, well, yes, we needed to mentally divorce "healthy" and "thin", but also, we are going to have to include not only access to health care, but also access to healthy food and activity and living conditions. 

That will not come from a pharmaceutical company. However, it might take a miracle.

Related posts:

https://sporkful.blogspot.com/2024/05/shame.html

Friday, May 17, 2024

Antiracism: Black History Month 2024

"Antiracism" was going to be a book category for this anyway, but having just done the spotlight on Stamped, I realized that I should really get around to reading Kendi's How to Be an Antiracist.

So I did.

"Antiracism" was already going to be a category because there were three other books on that topic for this round of reading and blogging. There have been another five that I have written about previously, and there are at least two on my reading list that I have not gotten to yet. 

I could say that some are better than others. It might even be quantitatively true where you could look at how well-written each book is and how well-resourced, but that would be largely beside the point.

Even on the same topic, they come from different viewpoints and different areas of expertise. Some of those may be more resonant for you because of your own experiences or interests, and some might do a better job of filling in the gaps in your own knowledge.

Therefore, the most useful thing I can do is probably just to cover the niche of each book, and then readers can choose which book sounds most appropriate for them.

I have not ruled out writing an overall summary when I finish those last two, but by then there will almost certainly be new books available (unless we get racism fixed by then).

Regardless, here is my most recent reading:

How to Be an Antiracist by Ibram X. Kendi

I loved Stamped, but it was long and detailed in a way that could be intimidating for some readers. This book is much more approachable.

Kendi starts right off with his own racism and continues to give personal examples. I won't say that makes the reading process comfortable, necessarily, but I think it does help the reader not feel judged. 

What it also does is make the book intensely personal, as we get all of the points and influences along his journey, right up until the necessity of writing this book. 

I recommend it.

Nice White Ladies: The Truth About White Supremacy, Our Role In It, and How We Can Help Dismantle It by Jessie Daniels

This is another one that is really accessible, despite the academic rigor behind it. 

The title describes the focus perfectly, so this is a good one for white women who do not think they are "Karens" -- maybe even find that term offensive -- yet still might benefit from looking into it a little more.

Dear White Peacemakers: Dismantling Racism with Grit and Grace by Osheta Moore

This one is pretty faith-based. I appreciated that in Austin Channing Brown's I'm Still Here, but not quite as much in this one. I still gave it four stars, but I have given a lot of these five stars. It may still fill an important role, and the focus on making peace and building community is admirable.

The Sum of Us: What Racism Costs Everyone and How We Can Prosper Together by Heather McGhee

This is well done, and a strikingly different approach in that it examines the literal cost of racism through an economic lens. 

Even while I doubted if that would move people (because people ignore their self-interests in favor of racism pretty frequently), I was still impressed with information.

Tuesday, May 14, 2024

Shame

It's not easy casting off shame.

Even now, where I am fairly advanced with it, I still feel a certain defensiveness writing about it. It tempts me to add all of these justifications and clarifications to prove that I am not just in denial.

I suppose that is why I wrote about the various employers screwing me over rather than some other topics, including how interest -- and therefore debt -- drives the economy, so is encouraged and reinforced, even though individuals will have their debt attributed to bad choices.

As it is, I have seen and elucidated clear examples of racism and sexism creating problems, and then people who were invested in the status quo continued to deny and downplay. There is often a limit to how much that type of engagement helps, though you don't always know that going in.

Therefore, I know as I write these things I am leaving myself open to judgment, but I also know that the people most likely to discount what I say are also the least likely to read what I write. I guess that works out.

What I am driving at is that some of what I write about is so baked into societal beliefs that if the initial response is denial that is not even weird. Keep an open mind, and reach out if you have questions.

Getting back to those three employers, the first one did not end up making much of a difference, but the other two really set me back. There were other factors in that (a worldwide financial crash, my mother's dementia), but I lost ground that I never regained.

This is pretty normal. If you have more resources, even setbacks can work in your favor. For example, that worldwide financial crash did affect the stock balances of rich people, but if they didn't need to sell so were able to hold out, there was a big rebound coming. 

That was not how it worked for us.

That could be a reason to be skeptical about those arguing for the privatization of social security, but I am mentioning it more to get to the other area where I needed to let go of shame...

I am no longer ashamed I am fat.

I admit this is not the same as being happy about it.

I recently told a friend (who had been fat-shamed by her doctor) that if I had never dieted I would probably be about sixty pounds lighter.

That's only an estimate, and I would definitely still be considered fat (otherwise there wouldn't have been all of the dieting attempts along the way). It still would have been better. It would have made clothes shopping easier (though I hated clothes shopping back then too).

This is a thing that is remarkably well-known: 95% of dieting attempts fail, with the dieter gaining back anything lost, plus a little extra. Since even people who know that are desperately hopeful of making that 5%, the diet industry makes billions annually. Not millions; billions.

There are so many problems with that I can't even get into it now, but my point is how brilliantly this fits into dominator culture, and why people have such a hard time letting go of it. 

You can see if someone is fat -- though not if they are healthy -- by looking at them. Judging people by color has developed a bit of a stigma, but judging by body size is still A-okay. That is strong motivation to change, but in reality you just end up getting farther behind, probably poorer, probably less healthy from the strain, and almost certainly with a bit more heft to be judged by. Then no amount of science will convince hordes of people that it is not because you are just a slug who doesn't even try, and you don't deserve to ever taste anything good or ride on an airplane.

Incidentally, I have read that when it became common to judge people by their weight, assuming the sin of gluttony, it was partly because it was becoming too unpopular to criticize the greed of capitalists.

It tracks, doesn't it?

I think the order that makes sense here is to return to financial issues next Tuesday, but I am going to leave one thought here first:

The primary purpose of emphasizing personal responsibility is to weaken collective power.

Related posts:

https://sporkful.blogspot.com/2024/04/changed.html 

https://sporkful.blogspot.com/2024/05/anger.html

https://preparedspork.blogspot.com/2023/07/reparations.html

Friday, May 10, 2024

Spotlight on STAMPED -- Black History Month 2024

Stamped from the Beginning: The Definitive History of Racist Ideas in America, by Ibram X. Kendi, was published in 2016.

True to it's title, it goes over the history of racism and its influence on the United States, preceding the formation of the country with racialized justifications for a shift in the slave trade from Slavs to Africans under Prince Henry the Navigator in Portugal, including the first introduction of Black slaves to the American colonies in 1619 and the legal changes in response to Bacon's Rebellion a few decades later. It then goes all the way through to the presidency of Barack Obama.

For those who read a lot of Black history, a lot of the names will be familiar, but there will still be some new information, and a lot of good analysis. For those less familiar, it is a good and thorough course.

I first added Stamped to my reading list in 2017, not too long after it was published. I just finished it this week.

That wouldn't necessarily merit its own post, except for all the other versions read before.

The first version I read was Stamped: Racism, Anti-Racism, and You, an adaptation (actually a remix) by Jason Reynolds. 

This was published in 2020, and I was gifted it shortly thereafter. I have some fondness for Reynolds anyway, and I thought it was really well done. 

I would say the target audience is teens. Shortly after reading it I passed it on to some teens who also liked it.

I always knew I would still read the original, but then I came upon two things I wasn't expecting:

Stamped from the Beginning: A Graphic History of Racist Ideas in America

This graphic novel was adapted and drawn by Joel Christian Gill, published in 2023. Of course I had to read that, but it still didn't change any plans.

2023 also saw a movie on Netflix: 

Stamped from the Beginning

The feature, directed by Roger Ross Williams, combines interviews, animation, and narration to essentially cover the same ground. 

That made me wonder if I was missing anything. It turns out that I was:

Stamped (For Kids): Racism, Anti-Racism, and You

Sonja Cherry-Paul adapted Jason Reynolds' adaptation, with illustrations by Rachelle Baker. It came out in 2021.

I think the fact that people keep finding different ways of getting out the material testifies to its importance. 

There should be a version that works best for you.

Some people would rather watch a movie, but then there are all those people who always believe that the book was better.

I think the graphic novel is the most faithful to Kendi's original structure of following five historic figures through the time periods. I also found it a little crammed and hard on my eyes.

The "For Kids" version is not for small children; more for older kids. I think they might just as well wait for the version for teens, which has more information but is still not overwhelming.

The full, original version gives the most complete picture, and that is worth a lot. However, if you are not ready for just over 500 pages, well, maybe go for the Reynolds adaptation.

And remember that the subject matter is important, and worth seeking out.

Tuesday, May 07, 2024

Anger

Again, from the sheet...

I am angry that I have had three employers screw me over.

Significantly, I only started allowing myself to feel anger at anyone but myself in January 2018, so this came about 18 months later.

The reason I include it is that this is a big part of me no longer being ashamed of being poor.

Now, I know "poor" is a relative term. There can be a lot to be explored there, but right now I want to focus on digging into those employers, which I will nonetheless do without naming them.

The first one I started working for about a month after I got back from my mission. I went back to her on school breaks, and when I was about to graduate she asked me back and raised my pay. I thought "Great!" 

I went back in June. She started messing with my hours while it was still summer, supposedly due to lack of work. I actually took a temp job while I was technically still working for her, and it didn't interfere at all.

Since I was looking for other things, I did not come out and quit, but that is what she was trying to make happen. One night as I was walking out the door she said that since I was doing a lower class of jobs, without the more complex ones coming in, she would have to lower my wage. I told her I would just look for something else, and not to worry about it.

That was not good enough. She called me while I was on my way to the bus and asked me, "Are you saying you quit?" 

I was so done with her; I said, "Yeah, fine. I quit." 

What I did not realize -- but she understood perfectly -- is that she was guaranteeing I could not collect unemployment.

Shortly after, I got a call. In fact, one of the clients had been desperately trying to get her to take their money, and she kept putting them off. A few of us were shortly reunited on the client's site. It was temporary, but through that contractor I got two other assignments with that client, and was kept busy for over a year.

The explanation I got later was that the boss had a faulty heart valve and was not getting enough oxygen to her brain, making her behave irrationally.

Personally, I think she was trying to work out a business loss for tax reasons. I say that because in retrospect I recognized behavior I had observed with other employees as being really unfair and manipulative. It was uncomfortable at the time, but I was giving her the benefit of the doubt. Maybe these people really were thieving and irresponsible and bad. After all, she was always good to me... until she wasn't. 

She was a small business owner, but the next time it happened with a big corporation. Two, actually. 

The client did kind of set things in motion, with one VP getting a plan to outsource our entire department. They offered retention bonuses to the crew, but not the manager. He found another job by the time the outsourcing vice president was fired and the switch was deemed impractical. We had a succession of weak, disinterested, and corrupt managers after that. 

I needed some extended time off, which would involve one unpaid week. The one corrupt manager knew and was fine with it, but he didn't get it on the books. He was replaced by a different corrupt manager who wanted to teach me a lesson. 

I admit I asked the wrong question to corporate. I asked what I needed to do to get it arranged, but what they really were researching was if they could just not save my job for me. They told me the day before I left, but even then they were lying and thanking me for being so professional and please call when I get back. Once again I was jobless and with no unemployment.

It screwed them up really badly, too, because they had a hard time finding someone, settling for someone incompetent and a little irrational, but at least I learned I wasn't special to them.

Finally, another big corporation did send our jobs to India, but they promised they weren't going to. The training in India was just for the overflow. I don't even think they were deliberately lying; they were probably just like "Wow, this is so much cheaper!"

At least in that case, I was able to get unemployment. Still, some advance notice would have been nice. There were coworkers who saw the writing on the wall, but I was too preoccupied with my mother's decline.

I am not saying that there were not any bad choices on my part. There was certainly naivete, more than once. 

However, circumstances always favored the big guy, and the big guy also was way more likely to be a creep. Also, the big guy was not always making smarter choices or choices that were better for the economy.

That is not coincidental.

(For this last job, no one really screwed me over. The problem there is that health care is collapsing. While that is an important issue and there are economic principles that could have some overlap, that's a whole different subject.)

Friday, May 03, 2024

Back to the '70s: Daily Songs for March and April

I'm taking a quick break in the Black History Month reviews because I just finished two months worth of songs.

It has been an ongoing project, but I had been choosing ten charting songs per year, starting in 1980. 

(I did not blog about the songs in the 80s, but I have the links for the posts on the 90s songs down below.)

The initial impulse partly came from loving the '80s and a lot of the '90s, but also the thought that someday I might want to go on Beat Shazam. It made sense to see if there were hit songs where I didn't remember the title.

Having gone through 1999 on the last round, I fully meant to keep going forward into the 2000s, but then I didn't want to. There were too many unfamiliar songs, and I suspected that a lot of them would suck. Sure, I would probably find some cool things, but it would take so much effort.

I decided to go the other direction: 1979 - 1974.

That's been much groovier.

I will eventually get back to 2000, but currently 1973 is more appealing.

Just in case anyone is wondering how far it can go, Billboard started tracking end of year hit songs in 1946. There are 35 songs, but also going through 41 for that year, which may have been due to different listings for individual sales and jukebox play. The "Hot 100" debuted in 1958. 

I can definitely see myself going back to 1958, and potentially to 1946. 

It would not be impossible to go back further, but then the popularity indicators become harder to define, including it moving away at one point from recordings to live performances and sheet music sales. 

That is not insurmountable, especially since I am choosing popular songs based more on my liking of them than their overall popularity.

For now, I will just keep doing a few years at a time, here and there, for as long as it's interesting.

Wherever the music takes me, kitten.

1979

3/2 “My Sharona” by The Knack
3/3 “Music Box Dancer” by Frank Mills
3/4 “What A Fool Believes” by The Doobie Brothers
3/5 “My Life” by Billy Joel
3/6 “I Will Survive” by Gloria Gaynor
3/7 “Le Freak” by Chic
3/8 “September” by Earth, Wind, & Fire
3/9 “Heart of Glass” by Blondie
3/10 “A Little More Love” by Olivia Newton-John
3/11 “I Was Made For Lovin' You” by KISS

1978

3/12 “Sweet Talkin' Woman” by Electric Light Orchestra
3/13 “Don't Let Me Be Misunderstood” by Santa Esmeralda
3/14 “Blue Bayou” by Linda Ronstadt
3/15 “Come Sail Away” by Styx
3/16 “On Broadway” by George Benson
3/17 “Feels So Good” by Chuck Mangione
3/18 “Love Is in the Air” by John Paul Young
3/19 “Can't Smile Without You” by Barry Manilow
3/20 “Last Dance” by Donna Summer
3/21 “Sometimes When We Touch” by Dan Hill

1977

3/22 “Sir Duke” by Stevie Wonder
3/23 “You Make Me Feel Like Dancing” by Leo Sayer
3/24 “On and On” by Stephen Bishop
3/25 “Margaritaville” by Jimmy Buffett
3/26 “Don't Give Up On Us” by David Soul
3/27 “I Just Want to Be Your Everything” by Andy Gibb
3/28 “Hotel California: by Eagles
3/29 “Jet Airliner” by Steve Miller Band
3/30 “The Rubber Band Man” by The Spinners
3/31 “Best of My Love” by The Emotions

1976
4/1 “The Boys Are Back In Town” by Thin Lizzy
4/2 “Right Back Where We Started From” by Maxine Nightingale
4/3 “A Fifth of Beethoven” by Walter Murphy & The Big Apple Band
4/4 “Boogie Fever” by The Sylvers
4/5 “Bohemian Rhapsody” by Queen
4/6 “Saturday Night” by Bay City Rollers
4/7 “Theme From Mahogany (Do You Know Where You're Going To)” by Diana Ross
4/8 “I'd Really Love to See You Tonight” England Dan & John Ford Coley
4/9 “You Sexy Thing” by Hot Chocolate
4/10 “You'll Never Find Another Love Like Mine” by Lou Rawls

1975

4/11 “Love Will Keep Us Together” by Captain & Tenille
4/12 “The Ballroom Blitz” by Sweet
4/13 “At Seventeen” by Janis Ian
4/14 “Why Can't We Be Friends” by War
4/15 “The Hustle” by Van McCoy & the Soul City Symphony
4/16 “Dance With Me” by Orleans
4/17 “You're the First, the Last, My Everything” by Barry White
4/18 “Before the Next Teardrop Falls” by Freddy Fender
4/19 “Best Of My Love” by Eagles
4/20 “Sister Golden Hair” by America

1974

4/21 “Love's Theme” by Love Unlimited Orchestra
4/22 “Come And Get Your Love” by Redbone
4/23 “Hooked On A Feeling” by Blue Swede
4/24 “Annie's Song” by John Denver
4/25 “The Joker” by Steve Miller Band
4/26 “Takin' Care of Business” by Bachman-Turner Overdrive
4/27 “Please Come to Boston” by Dave Loggins
4/28 “Time In A Bottle” by Jim Croce
4/29 “Rock the Boat” by Hues Corporation
4/30 “Tell Me Something Good” by Rufus & Chaka Khan 


Related posts:

https://sporkful.blogspot.com/2023/05/april-daily-songs-top-songs-1991-1994.html

https://sporkful.blogspot.com/2023/09/daily-songs-1995-1999.html

Tuesday, April 30, 2024

Changed

After writing a week ago that I am generally better rested -- with some emotional complications dealing with my mother's dementia -- well, I am super tired today.

It was a combination of things. I got a cold. While I am on the upswing from that, it is not quite in the past. In addition, yesterday I spent some time sheet mulching.

In the best of times that turns me into the wimpiest weakling. Healing from a cold... and I am not even done yet. 

I gave myself permission to not do any more today, not just because of the cold but also because the forecast shows lightning. Who needs that?

(I do appreciate the rain, because thorough watering is important.)

Naturally, I am already behind schedule. Part of that is too many other things to do, but part of it is that it is much harder now to find old newspapers. There has not been a total switch to electronic media, but the change is significant. 

I am worried about how long it will take me to get the other spots laid out, and I am already confident that my initial ambitions will not be met. There will be no strawberries or potatoes this year, and we will still need some mowing. 

It is disappointing, but it is being realistic. I am not capable of doing everything that I want to do. That is true for a single day, and I have made progress by being more realistic about the individual days. There are still some things that have to drop off, even when looking at many days. Some things may fit in later, but some won't.

I can bear that because I have been able to drop (for the most part) the belief that not only should I be able to do everything, but that I must.

That is probably a big part of being able to feel less tired now overall; the responsibilities I took upon myself were ridiculous. That was mainly mental, because I was getting the things done that most needed to be done, but I was still being bugged by everything I could not do.

An accurate understanding of your abilities and what you can even control makes a huge difference.

Getting back to the paper, I mentioned last week that the "I want" and "I need" categories were exactly the same: money, love, and rest.

I am actually in a better place with all three of them, though they remain not completely resolved.

Let me bring up on more category with its entries:

I am ashamed...

  • that I am fat.
  • that I am poor.

The correlation between being poor and the need for money may be more obvious, but I promise you that I believed being fat had everything to do with not being loved.

I am still fat and still poor. 

Well, "poor" has a lot of nuance there. We could be worse off, I was worse off then, and there are definitely bills that will come due that need money to come in to pay them. I am mostly confident that it will work out, but there is enough uncertainty to keep things interesting. 

There are two things that help with both issues.

One of them is knowing what is not in my control.

It seems that this will require at least one other post.

Friday, April 26, 2024

1 play, 6 movies -- Black History Month 2024

Most of these I watched a while ago and really wanted to. 

Three of them were last minute additions, two of which I felt very critical of, but possibly unfairly.

The movies:

The Lovebirds (2020)

This one just looked like fun, and it was. 

I saw the trailer in the theaters, but ended up seeing it on Netflix, just seeing that I could. (That is how I ended up watching most of these.) It was nice because previously I had only seen Issa Rae in The Photograph (also 2020), which had not been fun (it was a romantic film, but very solemn and serious.). She is known for comedy, so I felt like I was missing out. Now I have seen her as President Barbie as well. 

Enjoyable, and actually some pretty realistic points about relationships.

42 (2013)

A little ponderous, but there is a good cast and it covers important material. 

There have been other media that told me more about Jackie Robinson, Branch Rickey, and baseball in general, but one of the really interesting and unexpected things here was the story of Wendell Smith, a Black sportswriter who faced similar obstacles and isolation to Robinson, with much less publicity.

Becoming (2020)

Behind in my viewing, I had not realized how many of these came out the same year.

Obviously you get more from the book, but this gives you the opportunity to hear from other people, the chance to observe her interacting, and a few fun surprises.

Rustin (2023)

This is where I started impulse watching and then not being sure that I was glad I had.

In this case, there were things that I worried they made worse than they needed to be for dramatic impact. That it is normal with movies -- you combine and compress -- but then I was not sure if they were making it less true. For some of the emotional things... he had been doing this for a long time by then, which doesn't mean it wasn't hard, but did they give you an accurate idea of Rustin himself?

Except... one thing they really drove home is how much work really good organizing takes, as they work out sound systems and latrines and food and temperatures and chartering buses and fundraising, all while dealing with the racism and the homophobia. (I don't think that was exaggerated.) There was so much, and while Rustin did not do it without help, he was amazing at it and a big part of motivating and instructing that help. Could they have pulled off the March on Washington without him? Maybe, but it would have been much harder.

American Symphony (2023)

Going over Jon Batiste's preparation for an upcoming symphony performance while also having an amazing year at the Grammy's and facing the recurrence of his wife's cancer. There is a lot going on.

I was not familiar with him before, and this was a good introduction.

It probably is also an indication that in my current space, I am happier with documentaries where you hear the voice of the subjects than historical features where you don't know how much is the screenwriter and crew.

Shirley (2024)

This is again one where I was not sure how well they were representing, and worried by that.

On one level, I felt like it was kind of portraying her as Bernie Sanders -- too honest and ornery to succeed, at least in getting elected president. However, in the text at the end they show her as an effective legislator, bringing forward a lot of legislation, so the comparison ends there. 

It did bring home how difficult campaigns can be, especially for family members.

The Play:

Seven Guitars 

Well, the August Wilson play debuted in 1995, but it's set in 1948, and I saw it in 2023. 

My eventual goal is to have seen Wilson's entire Pittsburgh Cycle. This put me at 30%. I will say that after some online searching trying to understand what was going on with the rooster, I understand some things about Fences better. There was no rooster in Fences, but getting some ideas into the symbolism made Troy Maxson's arc and the ending more clear.

Note: I did also see Origin this year -- which is super current for me -- but I think I will write about it at a  different time.

Tuesday, April 23, 2024

Limbo

I mentioned the different categories on the paper last week, but I did not mention that two of them were exactly alike.

I want..

  • money
  • love
  • rest

I need...

  • money
  • love
  • rest

I was so tired then. 

That is still a factor in our lives, but the difference is still notable.

When I was caregiving for Mom, I had an official diagnosis of "Caregiver Burnout" (which is still on my chart). I had never thought we would put her in a facility, but then it was what she needed, and it was right, but it still had a lot of hard emotions associated with it. Once she was gone, I immediately had to start job hunting, and that was a very discouraging process. 

I don't remember ever feeling good.

Going from another time of burnout (this time from the call center) to job hunting could easily have been terrible, but there have been differences.

I didn't have the same level of emotional attachment to my job as to my mother, so that can only help. I also gave myself a cushion so there could be some time to get into the job search slowly. Then, some really cool things have been happening. 

I feel pretty good.

https://sporkful.blogspot.com/2024/03/in-good-place.html

There is still a tiredness relating to Mom, and the whole household has that.

Currently, she has been in hospice since July, so that has been a while.

If we count back further, to when she went into the facility, or when she no longer remembered us, or when she could no longer be left alone... there is a long trail of discouraging milestones.

For the terminology that is used in psychological reading, you can always have grief, but mourning is part of healing, and that can't begin until the loss is done. 

I swear I remember someone referring to Alzheimer's as the never-ending death once, but that's not true; at some point it will end. The more accurate expression seems to be "the long goodbye".

We miss her, but there is a time when we will miss her more, or differently, and we don't know when that will happen, so it's just always hanging there.

There are still goof things that happen, and we have been blessed in a lot of ways, but there is also this one factor that is always there, dragging along behind.

 That won't get better until it gets worse.